I tried...
So I gave Doru a call earlier. We actually had a nice little talk. We were both very calm and he listened to what I had to say. Unfortunately, he said he has to talk with the rest of the band before he can make a decision.
I just spent the last two hours talking to Steve about it trying everything I could think of to get him to change his mind. His vote is not only no, but he says that if I'm back in then he quits. I think I at least got him to have a small understanding of how I feel about this band. If he truely understands how I feel then he would have changed his mind. I don't think many people know exactly how I feel about this. It goes a lot deeper than most of you care to notice so you think I'm over-reacting to it or whining or whatever.
You can't tell me you've never found something you wanted so bad that you would be willing to do anything to get it. This is my dream. I feel it. It's there. I'm not complete without it. Granted I can go on with my life and be happy without it if it comes to that...but that's not really the point. The point is that I have a dream and I see a chance to live it slipping away. I can't just let it go and move on so easilly like some of you want me to. I believe in this band more than all but one thing I've ever believed in (some of you know what that is). And setting that one thing aside, it's what I believe in the most.
I've pictured it. I've dreamt it. I've felt it. I've seen it. It's there and I know I can get it but I just need the chance and for the chance to keep going. I miss it all so much. Making music with other people (making music by yourself is not NEARLY as satisfying). Having a good time and being able to do anything to have it no matter how stupid it is. I know thats something you can experience with all of your friends but it really is different with them. When we're just sitting there laughing it up over the dumbest things, I really feel like thats where I belong. It's not at all like with my other friends. I can't just ignore that.
There was one point where I realized that this is what I wanted and where I belonged. I'll never forget it. Some of you might recal Kaliedoscope last year. That was when I knew that this was it. This was what I wanted to do and it was going to be with them...or Doru and Evan at the least since they were the only two that were there aside from myself that are still there now. I've even felt that Steve was supposed to be there with us. Call me crazy, pathetic, sad...whatever you want. I don't care. This is simply how I feel and nothing is going to change that and whether the rest of the world understands it or not doesn't matter to me (unless it gets in the way). I know this is where I'm supposed to be.
So thats it. Say what you will. I couldn't care less. If this makes me crazy or pathetic than so be it. It's my dream. Not yours. I'm going to go after it. There's still a small ounce of hope. We'll see what happens...
Why, tell me the reasons why
Try, still I don't understand
Will I ever feel this again
Blue sky, I'll meet you in the end
Free them, free the memories of you
Free me, and rest 'til I'm with you
A day like today
My whole world has been changed
Nothing you say
Will help ease my pain
Turn, I'll turn this slowly round
Burn, burn to feel alive again
She, she'd want me to move on
See me, this place I still belong
Give chase, to find more than I have found
And face, this time now on my own
Days disappear
And my world keeps changing
I feel you here
And it keeps me sane
I left the last part of these lyrics out on purpose. Hopefully I won't have to include them if there's a next time for me to have to post them...
Musically,
Tim
I just spent the last two hours talking to Steve about it trying everything I could think of to get him to change his mind. His vote is not only no, but he says that if I'm back in then he quits. I think I at least got him to have a small understanding of how I feel about this band. If he truely understands how I feel then he would have changed his mind. I don't think many people know exactly how I feel about this. It goes a lot deeper than most of you care to notice so you think I'm over-reacting to it or whining or whatever.
You can't tell me you've never found something you wanted so bad that you would be willing to do anything to get it. This is my dream. I feel it. It's there. I'm not complete without it. Granted I can go on with my life and be happy without it if it comes to that...but that's not really the point. The point is that I have a dream and I see a chance to live it slipping away. I can't just let it go and move on so easilly like some of you want me to. I believe in this band more than all but one thing I've ever believed in (some of you know what that is). And setting that one thing aside, it's what I believe in the most.
I've pictured it. I've dreamt it. I've felt it. I've seen it. It's there and I know I can get it but I just need the chance and for the chance to keep going. I miss it all so much. Making music with other people (making music by yourself is not NEARLY as satisfying). Having a good time and being able to do anything to have it no matter how stupid it is. I know thats something you can experience with all of your friends but it really is different with them. When we're just sitting there laughing it up over the dumbest things, I really feel like thats where I belong. It's not at all like with my other friends. I can't just ignore that.
There was one point where I realized that this is what I wanted and where I belonged. I'll never forget it. Some of you might recal Kaliedoscope last year. That was when I knew that this was it. This was what I wanted to do and it was going to be with them...or Doru and Evan at the least since they were the only two that were there aside from myself that are still there now. I've even felt that Steve was supposed to be there with us. Call me crazy, pathetic, sad...whatever you want. I don't care. This is simply how I feel and nothing is going to change that and whether the rest of the world understands it or not doesn't matter to me (unless it gets in the way). I know this is where I'm supposed to be.
So thats it. Say what you will. I couldn't care less. If this makes me crazy or pathetic than so be it. It's my dream. Not yours. I'm going to go after it. There's still a small ounce of hope. We'll see what happens...
Why, tell me the reasons why
Try, still I don't understand
Will I ever feel this again
Blue sky, I'll meet you in the end
Free them, free the memories of you
Free me, and rest 'til I'm with you
A day like today
My whole world has been changed
Nothing you say
Will help ease my pain
Turn, I'll turn this slowly round
Burn, burn to feel alive again
She, she'd want me to move on
See me, this place I still belong
Give chase, to find more than I have found
And face, this time now on my own
Days disappear
And my world keeps changing
I feel you here
And it keeps me sane
I left the last part of these lyrics out on purpose. Hopefully I won't have to include them if there's a next time for me to have to post them...
Musically,
Tim