Testing....testing....can anyone hear this...or me?
This is my renaissance
This is my one response
This is the way I've come to know You
Transmitting signal......
find me here
and speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace
again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the light
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you steal my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
how can i stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
Right now, I am floating hundreds of miles above the earth in a tiny one room spaceship. I am in the dark, floating into the void, looking back on the tiny little planet that is our everything and speaking out. I am wondering if anyone is hearing me. For no one resides here anymore. Nobody bothers with this forum of space. Have you ever wondered how a space can be so crowded but feel so empty? Look at blogs, university campuses, some churches, life and people. All of us, our own little spaces, are so crowded and being more and more crowded everyday, but at the same time we are empty. It's paradoxical, maybe a bit ironic and over-dramatic, but none of this lessens the truth of the matter. For we all at one time or another feel both empty and crowded, feel alone in our little corner of space, and feel as if we are speaking to those other souls in their little one room spaceships. Sometimes they hear sometimes they don't, sometimes they ignore us, and sometimes they don't understand. Why I am here again, I don't know. This is going out into the void, like a signal into the universe. Will it be heard, will another signal bounce back? I don't know. I have never been so unsure of what I am sure of, and have never been more confident in my shortcomings.
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that governs me
I miss people from high school so much. I've just spent the majority of my night browsing my former entries, looking at comments, looking at others' entries and taking equal pleasure in their own comments. What astonishes me this night is the compassion and caring I saw from so many people in those days when I struggled and struggled and struggled as we all did, do and shall do. Kind words, offers of calls and jokes are all we ever had. Granted, many of these so-called life altering moments, or devastating changes were events we created or set in motion or in some other form or fashion put into motion, my own self included. Still, they were just as real. God, do I miss everyone so much. You can never truly recognize compassion until you are taught to see it, until you are taught to understand it. And now that I do, I see it from so many people that showed it to me. How lucky I was, how lucky I am. I do not know if I'll ever see or talk to any of these people again. Probably not, and if so, only in passing. That is not such a sad thing though, because people are put into our lives for a time, as we are place in their lives. We affect each other, stimulate growth, mingle our very souls with theirs and dance the great dance together for a short time. Then we change partners, and the great web continues to be weaved in all its beauty and glory. This is life. But, then again, life is so much more. If it were not so, I would have figured it out. Greater men before me failed, and much greater men shall fall short in the future. Life is not something to be figured out forward though, right? It is something to be lived forwards, understood backwards and once you are on the Doorstep of the Next, you can look back with fondness on the part you played in the game, see what you added to the dance, and understand how fortunate you were to be able to have the weave pass through your live. It's not poetic. Its me struggling to convey my heart, and to understand the hearts of others. And, to continually chase The Heart.
love and history are near
in the flowers that you make
because I'll never
hold a picture of the whole horizon
because I'll never
rip the night in two
it makes me wonder
who am i
I think I've always none there was something greater than myself. Why I didn't find it sooner is both a tragedy and a beauty if you understand it fully. I don't quite yet, but it's much clearer day by day. When I finally gave in, it was such a relief. You see, everyone wants to believe there is something greater than themselves, whether they want to admit it or not. When I look at me, I do not see the good things that I do (what few, what precious and regrettable few). I see ugly me, I see a statue that is rotted and stained and mildewed and dusty. It is partially broken, partially unfinished. You see, there must be something greater than ourselves, whatever that may be for each individual person, because we are so lacking. I am no longer stained and all the rest, even though I still regrettably get dirty from time to time. However, I am so VERY THANKFUL that I remain partially unfinished and partially broken. I pray that I remain that way for the remainder of my life.
through my temptation to walk away
and through the endless troubled days
there's hundred million ways
for me to sing your praise
and by and by, and through the tears
things you've taught me through the years
my whole life was designed by you
i'll never know anyone half as true
I have learned English. It will be the major I finish with. I have learned philosophy, spanish, history, and physcology. All of these were at one time a major or a minor. I spent much of my free time reading philosophy and theology mostly. I've spent countless hours debating and discussing. Logic is my friend, always has been. I've always approached an argument in the same way: Look at it only logically, no emotion, listen to what others have, disprove as best you can what they say, offer alternatives, prove what you can through logic. Logic, logic, logic. I can debate and discuss logical approaches to theology all day, when ironically what theology aims to discuss is not logical at all. What I mean to say is this: I consider myself a learned man, an open-minded man, but there is one thing I cannot deny, and now that I see the Truth, I shall never be able to deny it again. I feel it deep inside my gut moreso than anything else in my entire life. At one time I hated it, another time I ignored it, and still another time, I accepted it blindly. When I finally understood it, I accepted it as truth, but wished it was not so because of how hard it makes life. That was three years ago. Now, I would not turn from this life for anything. It is a purpose, a pure joy. To chase God, to discover, to learn, to enjoy Him and this life is more than any man anywhere deserves, and yet we are all put on earth with the same chances to do so. I am not trying to convert anyone that stumbles across this, please understand that. I am professing my heart. All our hearts are different but the same, and here is mine on page, as best I can put it.
it took this much to break down and understand
spent my life this far on castles made of sand
tossed on the breakers, in the palm of your hand
now I can finally stand
I love everyone. I can truly say that. Gay, straight, muslim, jewish, christian, atheist, black, brown, poor, rich, fat, thin and everything in between. I love, because He loves. I love because He is love, and I love because I am loved, and He loves me. One of my favorites quotes is by Gandhi: "I love your Christ, but not your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I love to read it because everytime I do, it convicts me, hits me in my heart, makes me hang my head. When I hear of a homosexual being beat, tormented, or even called names because he is gay, I hurt. In fact, I've cried upon hearing one such confession. I cry when I see people in the street in Birmingham, because I imagine my brother on drugs there, scared and alone. In fact, I am tearing up now thinking about it. My brother is now, after getting help in an outreach person is the most humble, sincere, and selfless person I know. I mean that will all of my heart and soul, and I will put my hand and testify to that on a bible with one foot in a courtroom and another in a church. I can never imagine meeting someone that will displace him from there. I will not sit here and say what is wrong with Christians, because I have my own opinions, but I can be and am wrong many times. I have not been called to point fingers and place blame, as many of us do. I have been called to love. I have been called to walk the walk and leave the talk to the side of the road. Perhaps I fall short of keeping my mouth closed, but I continue to love. I am not the judge of anyone, and I WILL NEVER BE. My name in Hebrew means "God is my judge" and he will be mine and everyone else's. This is a reminder to myself, and everyone out there. "Christianity" is walking the path of Christ. Christ ate and drank with sinners, even when the disciples, the crowds, other followers and the Pharisees weren't looking. We are becoming Pharisees. I pray for humbleness everyday, I pray for God to let my heart break among the rocks of life where His breaks as well, and see life and people through His eyes. I love, because I have been called to love. I love, because I am loved. That is all I have to say about that.
no parachutes or safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
i'm comin out strong like i can't be wrong
i said hey, i won' t fall in the middle
I must reiterate. This is not to change anyone, to push anyone towards anything. I am not trying to convert anyone with this post. Here I go, and here is the story of me. My heart is almost done bleeding on this screen. My brother? Oh, him? Before now, he was a drug addict, but much more. You see, he lived for himself, ran away from home, lived in 5 different states homeless and got a chronic disease that made him lose more than 60 pounds in months. He was at the brink of death. His hand was on the footstep, his back on its porch. And look what I've already said about him. Me? Perhaps not as great a story. Not dramatic, no sir. Run of the mill change. But it was amazing to some. You see, if you were to ask me why I believe, what has caused me ot believe, I'd give you an answer. You see, if you were to ask me what, when its dark and cold late at night and no one else is awake, and when you are laying in your bed and you can actually fill and hear your heart beating and you confront your own mortality, and you doubt everything in your short wisp of a life, what it is that makes me believe, I'd give you this answer: who I am now is different. No, that aint gonna save nobody. It ain't gonna prove God or jesus, it ain't gonna convert you, I ain't gonna write a book about it and it's sure not as sexy as some saved stories. But that doesn't make it any less true. It doesn't make it any less meaningful. You see, who I was is documented on here, if you havent seen my past posts, if you haven't known me before. Who was I? Selfish. I looked at everything in life completely different. I had goals, agendas, I cared about me, I thought others were only as good as far as they were useful. Then all this happened. And now here I am. Oh I still have selfish spurts. Its the hardest thing to separate from. But I know. People around me who've known me in both times see the two mes. I said it wasn't sexy. But its true. It's something I feel. It's something so deep far down that it can't be denied.
survival is a state i refuse to settle for
i wanna take the path that isn't safe anymore
i wanna walk where the battle is, rattle the cage lid
tackle the big issues and draw a flag for the late hit
saddle the bull and make him chomp at the bit
straddle the picket fence and talk the undecided off of it
i wanna walk where the rubber meets the road and burns its tread
the friction of life's tide that keeps my fire burning red
i wanna tread the razor's edge, led by the hand of the messiah
make my bed in the lion's den, sleep peacefully beside her
'cause the road less traveled is the cop out rout
i wanna feel the people's pain as i move within the crowd
and walk in a way that inspires a generation
to learn to love god and then chase him
There it is. The truth. I can argue and debate. I can sling logic all day long. But this is the truth. I have no agenda. I haven't for sometime. I have an overflowing heart, and this is what comes from it in everything I do. Chasing God for the rest of my life is what I am after. I have nothing beyond emotion and heart. It what faith is, and its why its so hard. Am I closing my eyes to the truth? Am I deluding myself? Am I blind to realities of life and failing to see what science has already shown? Am I relying on what Freud refers to as an "adult invisible friend"? I don't think so. I can argue why, but instead I feel it deep down. I see myself and the world, and I see Him in everything in the world. And I will spend my entire life chasing Him and chasing and learning the truth. And how happy shall I be when it comes to be the Truth that I have known all along? I love everyone, and miss so many people tremendously. Perhaps you are hearing my little transmission being sent out to the modern version of the sea. Well, here's my message in a bottle, as it were.
one Love, one God, and one Way.
im gonna be alright
gonna be alright
with you by my side
i said i'm gonna be alright
gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all
Signal...ending.....
This is my renaissance
This is my one response
This is the way I say I love You
This is my one response
This is the way I've come to know You
Transmitting signal......
find me here
and speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace
again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the light
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you steal my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
how can i stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
Right now, I am floating hundreds of miles above the earth in a tiny one room spaceship. I am in the dark, floating into the void, looking back on the tiny little planet that is our everything and speaking out. I am wondering if anyone is hearing me. For no one resides here anymore. Nobody bothers with this forum of space. Have you ever wondered how a space can be so crowded but feel so empty? Look at blogs, university campuses, some churches, life and people. All of us, our own little spaces, are so crowded and being more and more crowded everyday, but at the same time we are empty. It's paradoxical, maybe a bit ironic and over-dramatic, but none of this lessens the truth of the matter. For we all at one time or another feel both empty and crowded, feel alone in our little corner of space, and feel as if we are speaking to those other souls in their little one room spaceships. Sometimes they hear sometimes they don't, sometimes they ignore us, and sometimes they don't understand. Why I am here again, I don't know. This is going out into the void, like a signal into the universe. Will it be heard, will another signal bounce back? I don't know. I have never been so unsure of what I am sure of, and have never been more confident in my shortcomings.
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that governs me
I miss people from high school so much. I've just spent the majority of my night browsing my former entries, looking at comments, looking at others' entries and taking equal pleasure in their own comments. What astonishes me this night is the compassion and caring I saw from so many people in those days when I struggled and struggled and struggled as we all did, do and shall do. Kind words, offers of calls and jokes are all we ever had. Granted, many of these so-called life altering moments, or devastating changes were events we created or set in motion or in some other form or fashion put into motion, my own self included. Still, they were just as real. God, do I miss everyone so much. You can never truly recognize compassion until you are taught to see it, until you are taught to understand it. And now that I do, I see it from so many people that showed it to me. How lucky I was, how lucky I am. I do not know if I'll ever see or talk to any of these people again. Probably not, and if so, only in passing. That is not such a sad thing though, because people are put into our lives for a time, as we are place in their lives. We affect each other, stimulate growth, mingle our very souls with theirs and dance the great dance together for a short time. Then we change partners, and the great web continues to be weaved in all its beauty and glory. This is life. But, then again, life is so much more. If it were not so, I would have figured it out. Greater men before me failed, and much greater men shall fall short in the future. Life is not something to be figured out forward though, right? It is something to be lived forwards, understood backwards and once you are on the Doorstep of the Next, you can look back with fondness on the part you played in the game, see what you added to the dance, and understand how fortunate you were to be able to have the weave pass through your live. It's not poetic. Its me struggling to convey my heart, and to understand the hearts of others. And, to continually chase The Heart.
love and history are near
in the flowers that you make
because I'll never
hold a picture of the whole horizon
because I'll never
rip the night in two
it makes me wonder
who am i
I think I've always none there was something greater than myself. Why I didn't find it sooner is both a tragedy and a beauty if you understand it fully. I don't quite yet, but it's much clearer day by day. When I finally gave in, it was such a relief. You see, everyone wants to believe there is something greater than themselves, whether they want to admit it or not. When I look at me, I do not see the good things that I do (what few, what precious and regrettable few). I see ugly me, I see a statue that is rotted and stained and mildewed and dusty. It is partially broken, partially unfinished. You see, there must be something greater than ourselves, whatever that may be for each individual person, because we are so lacking. I am no longer stained and all the rest, even though I still regrettably get dirty from time to time. However, I am so VERY THANKFUL that I remain partially unfinished and partially broken. I pray that I remain that way for the remainder of my life.
through my temptation to walk away
and through the endless troubled days
there's hundred million ways
for me to sing your praise
and by and by, and through the tears
things you've taught me through the years
my whole life was designed by you
i'll never know anyone half as true
I have learned English. It will be the major I finish with. I have learned philosophy, spanish, history, and physcology. All of these were at one time a major or a minor. I spent much of my free time reading philosophy and theology mostly. I've spent countless hours debating and discussing. Logic is my friend, always has been. I've always approached an argument in the same way: Look at it only logically, no emotion, listen to what others have, disprove as best you can what they say, offer alternatives, prove what you can through logic. Logic, logic, logic. I can debate and discuss logical approaches to theology all day, when ironically what theology aims to discuss is not logical at all. What I mean to say is this: I consider myself a learned man, an open-minded man, but there is one thing I cannot deny, and now that I see the Truth, I shall never be able to deny it again. I feel it deep inside my gut moreso than anything else in my entire life. At one time I hated it, another time I ignored it, and still another time, I accepted it blindly. When I finally understood it, I accepted it as truth, but wished it was not so because of how hard it makes life. That was three years ago. Now, I would not turn from this life for anything. It is a purpose, a pure joy. To chase God, to discover, to learn, to enjoy Him and this life is more than any man anywhere deserves, and yet we are all put on earth with the same chances to do so. I am not trying to convert anyone that stumbles across this, please understand that. I am professing my heart. All our hearts are different but the same, and here is mine on page, as best I can put it.
it took this much to break down and understand
spent my life this far on castles made of sand
tossed on the breakers, in the palm of your hand
now I can finally stand
I love everyone. I can truly say that. Gay, straight, muslim, jewish, christian, atheist, black, brown, poor, rich, fat, thin and everything in between. I love, because He loves. I love because He is love, and I love because I am loved, and He loves me. One of my favorites quotes is by Gandhi: "I love your Christ, but not your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I love to read it because everytime I do, it convicts me, hits me in my heart, makes me hang my head. When I hear of a homosexual being beat, tormented, or even called names because he is gay, I hurt. In fact, I've cried upon hearing one such confession. I cry when I see people in the street in Birmingham, because I imagine my brother on drugs there, scared and alone. In fact, I am tearing up now thinking about it. My brother is now, after getting help in an outreach person is the most humble, sincere, and selfless person I know. I mean that will all of my heart and soul, and I will put my hand and testify to that on a bible with one foot in a courtroom and another in a church. I can never imagine meeting someone that will displace him from there. I will not sit here and say what is wrong with Christians, because I have my own opinions, but I can be and am wrong many times. I have not been called to point fingers and place blame, as many of us do. I have been called to love. I have been called to walk the walk and leave the talk to the side of the road. Perhaps I fall short of keeping my mouth closed, but I continue to love. I am not the judge of anyone, and I WILL NEVER BE. My name in Hebrew means "God is my judge" and he will be mine and everyone else's. This is a reminder to myself, and everyone out there. "Christianity" is walking the path of Christ. Christ ate and drank with sinners, even when the disciples, the crowds, other followers and the Pharisees weren't looking. We are becoming Pharisees. I pray for humbleness everyday, I pray for God to let my heart break among the rocks of life where His breaks as well, and see life and people through His eyes. I love, because I have been called to love. I love, because I am loved. That is all I have to say about that.
no parachutes or safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
i'm comin out strong like i can't be wrong
i said hey, i won' t fall in the middle
I must reiterate. This is not to change anyone, to push anyone towards anything. I am not trying to convert anyone with this post. Here I go, and here is the story of me. My heart is almost done bleeding on this screen. My brother? Oh, him? Before now, he was a drug addict, but much more. You see, he lived for himself, ran away from home, lived in 5 different states homeless and got a chronic disease that made him lose more than 60 pounds in months. He was at the brink of death. His hand was on the footstep, his back on its porch. And look what I've already said about him. Me? Perhaps not as great a story. Not dramatic, no sir. Run of the mill change. But it was amazing to some. You see, if you were to ask me why I believe, what has caused me ot believe, I'd give you an answer. You see, if you were to ask me what, when its dark and cold late at night and no one else is awake, and when you are laying in your bed and you can actually fill and hear your heart beating and you confront your own mortality, and you doubt everything in your short wisp of a life, what it is that makes me believe, I'd give you this answer: who I am now is different. No, that aint gonna save nobody. It ain't gonna prove God or jesus, it ain't gonna convert you, I ain't gonna write a book about it and it's sure not as sexy as some saved stories. But that doesn't make it any less true. It doesn't make it any less meaningful. You see, who I was is documented on here, if you havent seen my past posts, if you haven't known me before. Who was I? Selfish. I looked at everything in life completely different. I had goals, agendas, I cared about me, I thought others were only as good as far as they were useful. Then all this happened. And now here I am. Oh I still have selfish spurts. Its the hardest thing to separate from. But I know. People around me who've known me in both times see the two mes. I said it wasn't sexy. But its true. It's something I feel. It's something so deep far down that it can't be denied.
survival is a state i refuse to settle for
i wanna take the path that isn't safe anymore
i wanna walk where the battle is, rattle the cage lid
tackle the big issues and draw a flag for the late hit
saddle the bull and make him chomp at the bit
straddle the picket fence and talk the undecided off of it
i wanna walk where the rubber meets the road and burns its tread
the friction of life's tide that keeps my fire burning red
i wanna tread the razor's edge, led by the hand of the messiah
make my bed in the lion's den, sleep peacefully beside her
'cause the road less traveled is the cop out rout
i wanna feel the people's pain as i move within the crowd
and walk in a way that inspires a generation
to learn to love god and then chase him
There it is. The truth. I can argue and debate. I can sling logic all day long. But this is the truth. I have no agenda. I haven't for sometime. I have an overflowing heart, and this is what comes from it in everything I do. Chasing God for the rest of my life is what I am after. I have nothing beyond emotion and heart. It what faith is, and its why its so hard. Am I closing my eyes to the truth? Am I deluding myself? Am I blind to realities of life and failing to see what science has already shown? Am I relying on what Freud refers to as an "adult invisible friend"? I don't think so. I can argue why, but instead I feel it deep down. I see myself and the world, and I see Him in everything in the world. And I will spend my entire life chasing Him and chasing and learning the truth. And how happy shall I be when it comes to be the Truth that I have known all along? I love everyone, and miss so many people tremendously. Perhaps you are hearing my little transmission being sent out to the modern version of the sea. Well, here's my message in a bottle, as it were.
one Love, one God, and one Way.
im gonna be alright
gonna be alright
with you by my side
i said i'm gonna be alright
gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all
Signal...ending.....
This is my renaissance
This is my one response
This is the way I say I love You