To Tsukasa, Sincerely Nakura
[Ooc; This extension of letters will be passed privately between Izaya and Tsukasa. Of course unless either of them decides to show others. Izaya will have slipped this first letter under Tsukasa's door.]
( Sometimes..I just don't feel like I exist. )
( Sometimes..I just don't feel like I exist. )
Wow, really? I've never even so much as seen the country- well pictures but that doesn't count. I've always lived in a city and..I've never really liked the city. I guess some people never adjust? That sounds a little bad though. The city isn't all bad- I mean at least everything's there, right? I haven't been to the forest here yet. I'm not sure why either- it looks beautiful.
I agree. It's not necessarily bad though...right? Not doing well in society or groups- I mean. Because I'm the same way. I get really uncomfortable around too many people and I never know how to handle that.
Oh. My mother's been out of the picture for a while now but from what I can remember, she was really very kind. A little too trusting maybe but I think I get a little bit of that from her. Your dad kind of sounds like a jerk, no offense. I'm assuming you didn't get along too well with him then..?
Oh um, not too long. A little over a month myself. Maybe I'm just still adjusting.
Yours-
Nakura
P.S. I'm really happy that you replied by the way.
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The only sort of countryside I've ever really seen was in a game I played a lot in my world. It had a lot of different kinds of environments, but I liked the quiet countryside the best. The forest is usually pretty peaceful - except when there was an event and a lot of people went hunting there for quests.
I don't think it's bad to not do well around a lot of people. There's too many different ways people react to things, and they keep surprising you, and not always in a good way. A lot of people are really selfish, too - they don't think about what other people might think of the things they do, or shove people into uncomfortable situations.
My mother died a while ago… she was kind and thoughtful, but she wasn't really around long enough. My father… he drank a lot. He didn't really like me at all, so no, we didn't get along at all.
I think there's some people who have been here a year or so. I'm still adjusting too, I think.
- Tsukasa
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Really? So it was like- what a virtual game? That sounds kinda neat actually...It sounds like World of Warcraft. Except a little bit more relaxing.
No, no it's not. And some people here...Well I don't want to sound assuming or anything but I just get an eerie vibe from them. Especially when it comes to some of the people who come from the other worlds. My mom used to tell me that everyone had some good intention to a degree but that's hard to believe sometimes.
Yes. That I understand all too well. My older brother was probably the most selfish person I've ever met in my life. I guess some people just will never have the respect for others that one would hope that they would. I can't necessarily hold it against them for being that way but...It doesn't mean I have to enjoy it, no.
Ah..What a tragedy. How, may I ask, did she pass away?
Oh...Tch. Some parents..I'll never understood when they wanted to be parents or why they even bothered. My father never really drank or touched the stuff but he had a hard enough tongue and a brash opinion on just about everything I said or did.
Adapting isn't very easy in these circumstances but..Well, people like you make it a little better.
From,
Nakura
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Yeah, it was an online RPG. I don't know what World of Warcraft is, but The World was incredibly popular in my world. It got millions of downloads on the first day. Not everyone explored as much as I did, and I didn't really dig into the game mechanics, but I think I found more secret areas in that place than anyone else did.
Some people here creep me out. They're from worlds I just don't understand - I have enough trouble understanding my own sometimes, considering I can't really remember a lot from the real world. I was sort of… stuck in The World for a long time, actually. I'm still sorting out what happened.
I've found some good people in the world - and by that I mean both here and The World. I made some friends for the first time - Bear, who offered to take me in; Mimiru, who wouldn't leave me alone even when I wanted to and saved my butt sometimes (though I wouldn't tell her that); and Subaru, who said she'd wait for when I woke up in the real world. Subaru… I think if there can be people like her in the world, then not everyone is bad. I don't know… I like her a lot but I don't understand a lot of it.
… Sorry, I didn't mean to go on about them. I don't think I have any siblings. I can't remember any, in any case. I don't remember exactly how Mother died, but all I remember is that she was all alone. Anything else is too fuzzy to make out.
I'm glad I can at least make it a little better by writing to you. You seem nice and not selfish and rude. :)
- Tsukasa
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I am sincerely sorry that this took so long for me to respond to. I ran into some trouble and...and well, never mind about that. It's nothing important! I'm okay now and that's all that matters I suppose.
Ah..Um! Right. So it's..Okay. I understand I think. So you were really good at it then? Ahah. I've never been very talented at video games myself. I'm kind of jealous!
I know what you mean. I try to avoid a lot of people and mostly keep to myself. It's difficult to tell who's safe to trust and who's not. Ah same here. I think...no matter what world you come from, it must be difficult to understand people. They're kind of complicated. But..they can be good too, right?
I mean, you're good, Tsuka-san. You're maybe the nicest person I've met here so far..I'm happy to hear that you've found some good people. It gives me faith that I will too if I open up a little more. I think I'll do that today.
It's okay, please don't apologize! I like to hear about your life. I like to know that you're not alone.
...Oh, really? That's interesting...Do you think you've lost your memories because of coming to Vatheon or had it always been like that?
Oh! Thank you, Tsuka-san. That means a lot to me! You're very kind as well. And so easy to talk to.
Sorry about the delay again. I've missed talking to you.
From,
Nakura
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It's fine. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
I was really good at it, but I liked exploring more than competing. Getting away from the world was the best thing about The World, and I don't think enough people took advantage of that.
I think that you can find people who are good to you. There's a lot of people in the world… there's got to be someone, right? As long as you keep looking… though you do need to be careful.
I lost my memories before coming to Vatheon. There's a period of just… blankness, and then I remember walking around The World. I think it's okay - most of what I can remember of the real world isn't that good.
Um… thank you. I hope everything goes better for you now.
- Tsukasa
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Thank you for the offer but..I think I'm going to be okay. I keep running into trouble it seems. I think I'll stay in for a while.
I've heard that that's what a lot of kids say about RPG. Do you think it was addictive maybe? Not that that'd be a bad thing really. After all, if something makes you happy, can it really be all so bad? Harmlessly happy of course! Heh, I'm not justifying alcoholism or drugs or anything.
I'm starting to believe that, yes. Especially with the more I talk to you. I mean if a perfect stranger was willing to open up to me..Then what's to stop others? I'm always careful. Maybe too cautious but...better safe than sorry?
Oh..I'm sorry. That's horrible. Well- in that case I suppose amnesia isn't so bad. But still. It must not be a particularly good feeling.
They should. Ah say, can I ask you a question? Have you ever um...contemplated suicide?
-Nakura
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If you need me to bring you something, just let me know. You shouldn't have to feel unsafe walking outside.
Addictive? Maybe. It was a nice escape. Some people thought I was addicted when I couldn't sign out but… that was just because I couldn't log off. A lot of people have gotten addicted to The World, but I don't think I was.
I understand what you mean about better safe than sorry. Still… sometimes I think it's worth the risk.
I think I contemplated suicide before I got stuck in The World. I don't remember it… but it seems like something I would have thought of. The world was too cruel… but I'm glad I didn't. Are you… thinking about it?
- Tsukasa
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Oh, thank you. That means a lot to me. I should be okay for now.
Why couldn't you log off? Was it a technical...Say, does that mean you're..a video game character?
It is. I remember having a good friend before I came to this world. He never did anything wrong by me. I know people have the potential to be good.
Ah...well. Every now and then I can't help but wonder..What it would be like to disappear. I hear you come back to life if you kill yourself in Vatheon though. But a part of me... I'm not sure right now. Suicide is kind of interesting if you think about it.
-Nakura
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I was trapped in the game. The way I'm walking around… it's the avatar I was using in the game, but my mind is in it.
… I guess it is. I don't want to die anymore, though. I died in the game, and it took a lot to bring me back and my memory was worse than when it started. I don't really want to know what it would take to bring someone back to life, even here. It can't be free… that wouldn't make sense.
- Tsukasa
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Trapped? How did you get trapped in a game..? Really? Wow..So..That's so interesting. I've never heard of anything like that before. I guess I shouldn't think any less of Vatheon's capabilities though, huh?
Not in a positive way or anything. Just the different reasons people do I suppose. That's good. I don't think I'd like it if you did die. No, it really wouldn't make sense. I wonder if any of it has to do with that coral though. I've heard some rumors but I'm not sure as to how reliable those are.
-Nakura
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I'm not entirely sure how I got trapped there. I know it has to do with an artificial intelligence that linked me to something, but I'm still not sure how or why me.
I think some people here have died and come back… and while I usually like testing rumors, I don't know that I really want to test that one, in case it doesn't work. I don't think you should try testing it, either. I wouldn't like it if you died, either.
- Tsukasa
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That sounds like it'd be kind of scary. I wonder if you were the only one- unless you know whether or not you were...?
That's so creepy to think about. I mean in a way it's good to know that they don't..die..but at the same time. How does that sort of thing happen? Ah..I didn't want to test the rumor..I just-. Well, never mind.
..Really? But..you don't know me. I mean..not...really...
Nakura
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I think I was the only one. A few people fell into short comas but they always recovered. I was stuck in there for about six months, I think.
The world's too full of selfish people to lose someone like you, Nakura. If it doesn't work out... I don't want you to die.
- Tsukasa
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Tsukasa-
I'm sorry..about the delay.
I appreciate your kindness. It's very rare to meet someone like yourself. At least through..a complete stranger. Ah-
I'm not really sure. I've been feeling kind of..I'm sorry. This is the wrong situation to be writing to someone about this sort of thing. I'm afraid this might be my last letter.
I'm not...well...
-N
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Where are you?
- Tsukasa
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