(no subject)
Ok
So
APPARENTLY
I must have some kind of problem.
Where I isolate the FUCK out of myself.
Or.
Is it self preservation?
With friendships so tentative..
i know people, who, if their friend fucked their boyfriend, fuck, they'd be mad, they'd scrap, by the end of the day they'd still be friends.
But me?
I feel like if I did any little thing,
that's it.
And so often I'm blamed for not keeping up correspondence.
And that's enough for.. many, apparently.
But what are you(am I) going to do?
Get out that small desire you have to chat, in general, with inanimate electronic word storage.
Good deal.
Hey, so, word storage, shit's been just weird lately.
This directly involves what I was just talking about.
Lately, I think it's because of Spring, dudes have been drooling all over me. I haven't changed much since Winter. Some of these folks knew me throughout Winter, or beyond, and still, my sexiness be exuding now, n shit.
Over the weekend I went out alone and met a few friends of my friend. Ended up going home with one of them. It was pretty high school innocent, which is how I played it before HPV, and now that I've found my way and self respect, for the most part, again, I can deal with not banging dudes immediately. I also don't bother telling them about HPV now until I decided I actually do want to bang them.
And here comes the problem.
I don't want to be around anyone.
I want to go home.
I don't know what to say to all these things people say to me.
It's not like they actually want to hear what I have to say.
As is proved by every time I attempt to speak.
Even if I get the words out, nobody gets it.
It never clicks.
I've probably been wasting time, or something, or maybe now I'm wasting time. Instead of pursuing meaningless friendships. Well, how long does it take to become meaningful? Am I just being bitter, or am I being realistic?
I've had meaningful relationships turn into nothing.
Is it all my fault?
If it is. That must be the way it will be.
In a response I got from National Geographic, the photographer is an isolated person.
A solitary visionary who must constantly defend themselves.
Well, I rather just stay home. If there's going to be all this drama.
It'd be nice to find a quiet boy.
Who doesn't need to impress me.
Or be impressed.
And we can just lay together, quietly appreciating what we have.
Affection affirmed with a few well placed kisses.
Because, this world is pretty Ok with touch. But excessive communication about nothing at all is killing me.
At least this is a human condition.
I feel these ways.
That's more interesting than "hey, remember that one time how that person had a ridiculous hair cut? Let's talk about it for half an hour."
I rather not.
And.
It's costing me all my friends.
All my potential lovers.
And I don't care.
Because at least I don't have to pretend to get and to be gotten.
So
APPARENTLY
I must have some kind of problem.
Where I isolate the FUCK out of myself.
Or.
Is it self preservation?
With friendships so tentative..
i know people, who, if their friend fucked their boyfriend, fuck, they'd be mad, they'd scrap, by the end of the day they'd still be friends.
But me?
I feel like if I did any little thing,
that's it.
And so often I'm blamed for not keeping up correspondence.
And that's enough for.. many, apparently.
But what are you(am I) going to do?
Get out that small desire you have to chat, in general, with inanimate electronic word storage.
Good deal.
Hey, so, word storage, shit's been just weird lately.
This directly involves what I was just talking about.
Lately, I think it's because of Spring, dudes have been drooling all over me. I haven't changed much since Winter. Some of these folks knew me throughout Winter, or beyond, and still, my sexiness be exuding now, n shit.
Over the weekend I went out alone and met a few friends of my friend. Ended up going home with one of them. It was pretty high school innocent, which is how I played it before HPV, and now that I've found my way and self respect, for the most part, again, I can deal with not banging dudes immediately. I also don't bother telling them about HPV now until I decided I actually do want to bang them.
And here comes the problem.
I don't want to be around anyone.
I want to go home.
I don't know what to say to all these things people say to me.
It's not like they actually want to hear what I have to say.
As is proved by every time I attempt to speak.
Even if I get the words out, nobody gets it.
It never clicks.
I've probably been wasting time, or something, or maybe now I'm wasting time. Instead of pursuing meaningless friendships. Well, how long does it take to become meaningful? Am I just being bitter, or am I being realistic?
I've had meaningful relationships turn into nothing.
Is it all my fault?
If it is. That must be the way it will be.
In a response I got from National Geographic, the photographer is an isolated person.
A solitary visionary who must constantly defend themselves.
Well, I rather just stay home. If there's going to be all this drama.
It'd be nice to find a quiet boy.
Who doesn't need to impress me.
Or be impressed.
And we can just lay together, quietly appreciating what we have.
Affection affirmed with a few well placed kisses.
Because, this world is pretty Ok with touch. But excessive communication about nothing at all is killing me.
At least this is a human condition.
I feel these ways.
That's more interesting than "hey, remember that one time how that person had a ridiculous hair cut? Let's talk about it for half an hour."
I rather not.
And.
It's costing me all my friends.
All my potential lovers.
And I don't care.
Because at least I don't have to pretend to get and to be gotten.