Theremin interlude
The summer solstice dawns on Stonehenge, but i am far away, perched on a scaffold in northern British Columbia, peering with depthless and undeterminable sorrows into turbine #46S8120. Such an old wise man, 31 years old. There is a safety official named Julia watching over the crew as they work. Julia is from Calgary and all of a sudden we are talking about the failures of modern civilization, disillusionment via capitalism, faithlessness in the human race, the pursuit of arboriculture, the art of pagan celebration. Awfully heady material for a turbine deck. In my opinion, i say quick things to facilitate the drawing out of her thoughts, rather than actually contribute anything in particular, myself. I have come to the conclusion that that is the only thing i can do. Julia shakes my hand and says how nice it was to talk everytime i leave. She doesn't do that with anyone else around so i get the feeling that Julia is interested in me, but i do not ask her to go on a date with me. I am not the confident type. I am a fellow of only a few words, and numbered breaths.
Stuff like this is happening with so much more frequency, lately. It is awfully disconcerting and downsidereal and maddening. What has changed? Maybe i am wearing my hair in a more impressive fashion these days. Like that dude from The Office.
Most of the time i am able to justify my inaction, because i am certain that it was bound to become awful. For instance, Julia talked about her miserable childhood and seemed to be severely discontent with the state of everything around her. I do not doubt it, and i empathize and everything, but it's the stuff like that which always seems to tweak behaviors and help to make a thoroughly miserable environment, eventually. For me, as well. I am severely discontent, but i am good about never showing it in any manner outside of my dumb blog. Also, i remember being miserable too much as a young person, but i have been able to forget everything, just about all of it, and any leftover resonance has certainly been chalked up to hormonal effects. I had a stable family and one or two friends, i cannot think of what could have been so bad anymore, and so it is baggage that i think i am not carrying. A tongueless bitterness that cannot prove itself or anything else, so.
I listen to one of three radio stations in the car. One. It is the one which is the CBC, so it cannot be as terrible as the other two. They played some Dave Brubeck Quartet yesterday because he is coming to Vancouver. Dave Brubeck is 87, a jazz legend still on tour. Then the radio has christians talking about how sex is ruining young people. "Abstinence is an honor of your future spouse". Unprecedented.
Romance is in decline, after centuries of over-representation in storybooks and fairytales. A contribution from the Olde Worlde, rusted and sombre, unable to facilitate magics henceforth. The minstrel slurs his words at the bar.
Oh, blessed wisdom, let's go for ice cream.
-
The world is much more Dystopian this summer.
--
I was released from my present job assignment this morning. June 22nd. I am finished. My next assignment is in mid-October. I owe nothing between now and then. I have fulfilled my obligations.
Normally, i would need to summon an airplane and get back home. But i have no home, and i have no obligations. So i think i will stay for a few days, and find a kayak, and see the northern Rockies. Maybe i will drive to Muncho Lake. Maybe i will drive to Whitehorse. Maybe i will see a bear. Maybe i will see a caribou.
Maybe i will take a picture of a cloud.
There is no one around. Trees. There is a slight wind. There is a slight yellow glow in the northern sky until almost midnight. And then, maybe i will see an aurora.
Aurora, you're all i need.
Derive, unfacilitated.
Stuff like this is happening with so much more frequency, lately. It is awfully disconcerting and downsidereal and maddening. What has changed? Maybe i am wearing my hair in a more impressive fashion these days. Like that dude from The Office.
Most of the time i am able to justify my inaction, because i am certain that it was bound to become awful. For instance, Julia talked about her miserable childhood and seemed to be severely discontent with the state of everything around her. I do not doubt it, and i empathize and everything, but it's the stuff like that which always seems to tweak behaviors and help to make a thoroughly miserable environment, eventually. For me, as well. I am severely discontent, but i am good about never showing it in any manner outside of my dumb blog. Also, i remember being miserable too much as a young person, but i have been able to forget everything, just about all of it, and any leftover resonance has certainly been chalked up to hormonal effects. I had a stable family and one or two friends, i cannot think of what could have been so bad anymore, and so it is baggage that i think i am not carrying. A tongueless bitterness that cannot prove itself or anything else, so.
I listen to one of three radio stations in the car. One. It is the one which is the CBC, so it cannot be as terrible as the other two. They played some Dave Brubeck Quartet yesterday because he is coming to Vancouver. Dave Brubeck is 87, a jazz legend still on tour. Then the radio has christians talking about how sex is ruining young people. "Abstinence is an honor of your future spouse". Unprecedented.
Romance is in decline, after centuries of over-representation in storybooks and fairytales. A contribution from the Olde Worlde, rusted and sombre, unable to facilitate magics henceforth. The minstrel slurs his words at the bar.
Oh, blessed wisdom, let's go for ice cream.
-
The world is much more Dystopian this summer.
--
I was released from my present job assignment this morning. June 22nd. I am finished. My next assignment is in mid-October. I owe nothing between now and then. I have fulfilled my obligations.
Normally, i would need to summon an airplane and get back home. But i have no home, and i have no obligations. So i think i will stay for a few days, and find a kayak, and see the northern Rockies. Maybe i will drive to Muncho Lake. Maybe i will drive to Whitehorse. Maybe i will see a bear. Maybe i will see a caribou.
Maybe i will take a picture of a cloud.
There is no one around. Trees. There is a slight wind. There is a slight yellow glow in the northern sky until almost midnight. And then, maybe i will see an aurora.
Aurora, you're all i need.
Derive, unfacilitated.