Steering my life
Stephen points out that when I want something, deeply want it with all of my heart, there's not much anyone can do to stop it. We talked a bit about the "mostly" comment, and he basically said that he has already forseen it happening, the only thing that he can't figure out is when it became a forgone conclusion. Or something like that. He said he is worried about silly things like whatifsomethinggoeswrong and I blew up at him and said "What the fuck? You're afraid of birth now?!?!?!?!" It was like a slap in the face for all that we've been through and have learned about and believe in together.
He explained that there is always risk of defects and complications no matter what, and the difference from before, the reason he wasn't "afraid" of alli's birth or whatever, is because if we had not had her, there would have been a hole in his heart. Now, there isn't. To him, our family is complete. He does understand that there IS a hole in my heart, and he's willing to have another child with me because it's more important to me to have one than it is to him to not. Does that make sense? He isn't against a third child, he just doens't need one. But I do. And since for me it's huge and for him it's just meh, we are probably going to end up where I want to be.
But it does still depend on things like living situation and finances and debt and such. As it should. If catastrophe strikes, I probably would not want to try to get pregnant with a third child if we were destitute and living with family or something. You never know what will happen.
But you better believe I am not even willing to look at any homes that have just two bedrooms ;-)
Today's post brought to you by this amazing seven minutes of blissful beauty. This is the most beautiful birth video I have ever seen in my whole life. Its so much emotion and so real but yet dreamy at the same time. I love that you can hear the mama's moans over the music, but that the music is there, keeping your emotions in the moment.
I love how this mama greets her baby, how she says he's "perfect" in her cute little accent. She is so beautiful! I love the baby meeting his big sister and the feet shots and OK I love everything else too and there's too much to list.
Go watch it and cry along with me. I must have watched it six or seven times by now and I still need Kleenex. This birth video is too awesome to be called a video. It is a birth FILM and it should be considered art.
If it's ever me, if I ever have another chance, I want this. I'm doing this. I would watch it every single day.
He explained that there is always risk of defects and complications no matter what, and the difference from before, the reason he wasn't "afraid" of alli's birth or whatever, is because if we had not had her, there would have been a hole in his heart. Now, there isn't. To him, our family is complete. He does understand that there IS a hole in my heart, and he's willing to have another child with me because it's more important to me to have one than it is to him to not. Does that make sense? He isn't against a third child, he just doens't need one. But I do. And since for me it's huge and for him it's just meh, we are probably going to end up where I want to be.
But it does still depend on things like living situation and finances and debt and such. As it should. If catastrophe strikes, I probably would not want to try to get pregnant with a third child if we were destitute and living with family or something. You never know what will happen.
But you better believe I am not even willing to look at any homes that have just two bedrooms ;-)
Today's post brought to you by this amazing seven minutes of blissful beauty. This is the most beautiful birth video I have ever seen in my whole life. Its so much emotion and so real but yet dreamy at the same time. I love that you can hear the mama's moans over the music, but that the music is there, keeping your emotions in the moment.
I love how this mama greets her baby, how she says he's "perfect" in her cute little accent. She is so beautiful! I love the baby meeting his big sister and the feet shots and OK I love everything else too and there's too much to list.
Go watch it and cry along with me. I must have watched it six or seven times by now and I still need Kleenex. This birth video is too awesome to be called a video. It is a birth FILM and it should be considered art.
If it's ever me, if I ever have another chance, I want this. I'm doing this. I would watch it every single day.