Getting it all out.
Ok. So I'm here today to talk about Kyle. I don'texactly know what I want say, or how to say it. But I figure it's a good venting outlet. I contacted him today on AIM to see if I was going to attend the same event he was attending. I know his mom would love it if I showed up to this dinner thing she has planned, and I know I'm invited, but Linda hasn't told me whether or not she thinks it would be a good idea for me to come, even though I've asked her several times. So I figured I would go stright to the source. I think I just wanted to talk to him. I don't know why, but a part of me jut wanted to stir things up. I didn't think we woul talk long or about personal things. I saw him online, alhough I thought I had deleted his name and blocked him so I wouldn't be tempted to talk to him, or him I. Anyway... we started talking about the dinner and if I was coming, and then he said something along the lines of his mother telling me about his personal life and how he didn't like it. I asked him if she told him about MY personl life, and of course she did. Anyway, we started sharing stories of things we've been doing lately. He told me about girls he's been seeing (he got sort of personal.. like about his sex life) so I told him about Patrick. Well as things were unraveling it was becoming more and more appearant that he wanted m to not be happy. He was telling me things that only seemed hurtful, things that I think h wanted me to react to. I didn't of course.
He told me "Stu said we would never work out because you were too much like Lisa" (Lisa by the way is his ex, and from what I hear a horribe and controlling person, so this was meant to be a sort of jab, in my opinion.)
I told him. "I don't know Lisa, so I don't know if we're alike or not, I don't care" He says "from my standpoint you are a lot alike" So I tell him "well, I'm happy and I like who I am so it doesn't matter if I'm like her or not."
Anyway, he continues to say that he thinks that I don't like being alone, and if I was going to date someone it would be someone who was "convenient". Lke those are the only two reasons I'm with Patrick or something.
This whole thing. I don't know. I know I'm over him, because when he was telling me about these girls who were pursuing him (one of my friends included!), I didn't feel in the least bit jealous or angry or like I missed him or ANYTHING. I felt nothing. I wasn't happy for him, but I wasn't bitter. I think I am hurt because he was so willing to tell me things like "Jai Jai tells me NEVER to talk to you ever again... because of what you did to me." I don't really feel any way about it right now. Which is super different for me. Usually I would be telling him things to make him jealous or mad or whatever. I didn't. I told him about Patrick... but I certainly didn't tell him about the details. I didn't even tell him we were in a relationship, just that we were dating.
Whatever. I am just soooo happy I don't have to deal with him anymore. It was just wierd. He is so passive aggressive it's unbelievable. I know he just wanted me to react to his stupid comments, and once I showed him that I wasn't going to be mad at him and be mean... and that I was just happy to be living life, he signed off. So stupid.
I don't think I'll be talking to him much anymore. Hopefully not at all.
And I sort of feel a sadness because of that. A sadness of letting a previously loved one go for good. It's a serene sadness though, not crazy painful sadness.
I need to cry. I need to get all of my stress out and just have a damn good cry.
Goo Goo Dolls, take it from here. Haha.
Thanks computer. You are a good friend. Ha.
-Cecilia
He told me "Stu said we would never work out because you were too much like Lisa" (Lisa by the way is his ex, and from what I hear a horribe and controlling person, so this was meant to be a sort of jab, in my opinion.)
I told him. "I don't know Lisa, so I don't know if we're alike or not, I don't care" He says "from my standpoint you are a lot alike" So I tell him "well, I'm happy and I like who I am so it doesn't matter if I'm like her or not."
Anyway, he continues to say that he thinks that I don't like being alone, and if I was going to date someone it would be someone who was "convenient". Lke those are the only two reasons I'm with Patrick or something.
This whole thing. I don't know. I know I'm over him, because when he was telling me about these girls who were pursuing him (one of my friends included!), I didn't feel in the least bit jealous or angry or like I missed him or ANYTHING. I felt nothing. I wasn't happy for him, but I wasn't bitter. I think I am hurt because he was so willing to tell me things like "Jai Jai tells me NEVER to talk to you ever again... because of what you did to me." I don't really feel any way about it right now. Which is super different for me. Usually I would be telling him things to make him jealous or mad or whatever. I didn't. I told him about Patrick... but I certainly didn't tell him about the details. I didn't even tell him we were in a relationship, just that we were dating.
Whatever. I am just soooo happy I don't have to deal with him anymore. It was just wierd. He is so passive aggressive it's unbelievable. I know he just wanted me to react to his stupid comments, and once I showed him that I wasn't going to be mad at him and be mean... and that I was just happy to be living life, he signed off. So stupid.
I don't think I'll be talking to him much anymore. Hopefully not at all.
And I sort of feel a sadness because of that. A sadness of letting a previously loved one go for good. It's a serene sadness though, not crazy painful sadness.
I need to cry. I need to get all of my stress out and just have a damn good cry.
Goo Goo Dolls, take it from here. Haha.
Thanks computer. You are a good friend. Ha.
-Cecilia