There Is Nothing You Can Do That I've Not Already Done To Myself
Ok, alright, I know.
The last couple of posts...er... weeks, ok, MONTHS- in all honesty, have been silly. I let things spiral out of control. I really did. I'm not going to beat myself up here, because I believe I had valid reasons to be upset, concerned, worried, and stressed out. I mean I've had 2 jobs, school, exams, now more school, taking care of my niece, and my general health and sanity have all been major pressures in my life that I let build up and get out of control. You know what? It's too much. I really did bite off more than I could chew. It was necessary for awhile, the two-job thing. I needed the money. I could say everything was necessary, because it was. Just for the record, here are
The past 3 months:
-New boyfriend. All the great things and new things and weird things that come with that new relationship.
-Stevenson's has no work available, and I have multiple bills to pay every month. Not too mention general expensesto get to work and school... so, get another job, 3 days a week.
-My 12 year old neice has experienced abuse at home, trouble at school, and pressures from friends to try out different styles and trends. She needed (and needs) me to be a positive role model. So I pick her up after school and spend time with her.
-Summer is coming, and I haven't been fit for a while. So, I started an excercise plan, work out after school for an hour 3 days a week.
-Philosophy and other grades are starting to slip or at least require more focus, so I focus more on school and really buckle down.
This is on top of just surviving, which in my case, was a feat within itself at times.
Don't you get it? I have had to deal with, control, work out, and just BE ALRIGHT with so many differnet things. In the past, dealing with one of those things and accomplishing it was a goal. I did ALL OF THOSE AT ONCE! NO WONDER I GOT UPSET ALL THE TIME! I barely had time to breath, let alone deal with any troubling emotions.
Now that I don't -have- to do those things anymore, I can take a deep breath and let some of those things go.
I just need to remember what's important to me and to my happiness. Patrick is absolutely correct. I have many things to be greatful about, and it is truly impossible to be greatfulful and depressed at the same time. I really don't think I had time to focus my energy on my well-being or state of happiness. That's not an excuse, that's a damn reason.
What helps me deal with the little things that don't matter but are still aggravating? Being alone. Being home, zoning out. I didn't have time for that. Now I do.
I didn't realize how much stuff I had built up. I would have dealth with it all at the correct times, if I had time. At least, I think I would've.
One person I am really thankful for is Pat. He gave me a fresh perspective and an optimistic outlook tonight, and it really helped. I think he balances me sometimes. Or at least, he's really good at reminding me of the bigger picture. I just wish I could do something for him to show how much I appreciate him. If he were a girl, I would buy him flowers.
Who knows. Something will come to me.
I'm much, much better now.
-Cece
The last couple of posts...er... weeks, ok, MONTHS- in all honesty, have been silly. I let things spiral out of control. I really did. I'm not going to beat myself up here, because I believe I had valid reasons to be upset, concerned, worried, and stressed out. I mean I've had 2 jobs, school, exams, now more school, taking care of my niece, and my general health and sanity have all been major pressures in my life that I let build up and get out of control. You know what? It's too much. I really did bite off more than I could chew. It was necessary for awhile, the two-job thing. I needed the money. I could say everything was necessary, because it was. Just for the record, here are
The past 3 months:
-New boyfriend. All the great things and new things and weird things that come with that new relationship.
-Stevenson's has no work available, and I have multiple bills to pay every month. Not too mention general expensesto get to work and school... so, get another job, 3 days a week.
-My 12 year old neice has experienced abuse at home, trouble at school, and pressures from friends to try out different styles and trends. She needed (and needs) me to be a positive role model. So I pick her up after school and spend time with her.
-Summer is coming, and I haven't been fit for a while. So, I started an excercise plan, work out after school for an hour 3 days a week.
-Philosophy and other grades are starting to slip or at least require more focus, so I focus more on school and really buckle down.
This is on top of just surviving, which in my case, was a feat within itself at times.
Don't you get it? I have had to deal with, control, work out, and just BE ALRIGHT with so many differnet things. In the past, dealing with one of those things and accomplishing it was a goal. I did ALL OF THOSE AT ONCE! NO WONDER I GOT UPSET ALL THE TIME! I barely had time to breath, let alone deal with any troubling emotions.
Now that I don't -have- to do those things anymore, I can take a deep breath and let some of those things go.
I just need to remember what's important to me and to my happiness. Patrick is absolutely correct. I have many things to be greatful about, and it is truly impossible to be greatfulful and depressed at the same time. I really don't think I had time to focus my energy on my well-being or state of happiness. That's not an excuse, that's a damn reason.
What helps me deal with the little things that don't matter but are still aggravating? Being alone. Being home, zoning out. I didn't have time for that. Now I do.
I didn't realize how much stuff I had built up. I would have dealth with it all at the correct times, if I had time. At least, I think I would've.
One person I am really thankful for is Pat. He gave me a fresh perspective and an optimistic outlook tonight, and it really helped. I think he balances me sometimes. Or at least, he's really good at reminding me of the bigger picture. I just wish I could do something for him to show how much I appreciate him. If he were a girl, I would buy him flowers.
Who knows. Something will come to me.
I'm much, much better now.
-Cece