rambling
my head hurts and josh went to go play pool and doesn't have his phone on him and i feel like shit and my meds are sucking ass right now. they switched me from prednisone to hydroxychloroquine sulfate. it doesn't work. i feel swollen and drowzy and in pain and horrible. my back and legs have been hurting so bad. i need to call the doctor tomorrow and tell him what's going on. i have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too. i have a feeling i'll be up all night and i have class at 9:40 and it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day but really there's too many.
i just wish josh lived a hell of a lot closer. it's hard to get him to understand why i get weird when he doesn't call when he says he will. i know he's a guy and guys don't call when they say they will and this is a fact of life i should very well be used to. it's just that now i have to deal with that while loaded on meds that don't work, pain killers that wear off too quickly, and feeling like i'm on my period every day for the past two weeks. that's why i don't like prescription drugs. i feel like shit, and the worst part is that i'm gonna have to deal with it for like, ever. just thinking about that sucks, knowing that i'm gonna have to be taking god knows how many meds for something that old people have to deal with, not a fucking 18 year old. and the more i think, the more i realize i really am acting like a cunt to josh, he hasn't done anything and i'm just being bitchy to him because all this shit with my meds is really bugging me. and crying makes my head hurt, and my head hurting so fucking bad makes me cry more, and it's not just my head that hurts. legs, ankles, knees, back, arms, wrists, shoulders, fingers, elbows...everything. it's just hard to explain to other people if they don't feel it. it hurts everywhere and it sucks. the hydroxychloroquine doesn't do shit, the prednisone makes me gain weight and isn't safe to use for long periods of time. i just want all this to be happening to someone else far away so i don't have to deal with it. it's not something i should be dealing with. whenever someone find out what's wrong it's like they're in shock or something. most common response: "but you're so young!" no shit. an 18 year old should not be dealing with fucking rheumatoid arthritis. i don't even know how i fucking got it. we're pretty sure it doesn't even run in my family. better that than diabetes, which does run in my family. god damn i hate being on medication.
i just wish josh lived a hell of a lot closer. it's hard to get him to understand why i get weird when he doesn't call when he says he will. i know he's a guy and guys don't call when they say they will and this is a fact of life i should very well be used to. it's just that now i have to deal with that while loaded on meds that don't work, pain killers that wear off too quickly, and feeling like i'm on my period every day for the past two weeks. that's why i don't like prescription drugs. i feel like shit, and the worst part is that i'm gonna have to deal with it for like, ever. just thinking about that sucks, knowing that i'm gonna have to be taking god knows how many meds for something that old people have to deal with, not a fucking 18 year old. and the more i think, the more i realize i really am acting like a cunt to josh, he hasn't done anything and i'm just being bitchy to him because all this shit with my meds is really bugging me. and crying makes my head hurt, and my head hurting so fucking bad makes me cry more, and it's not just my head that hurts. legs, ankles, knees, back, arms, wrists, shoulders, fingers, elbows...everything. it's just hard to explain to other people if they don't feel it. it hurts everywhere and it sucks. the hydroxychloroquine doesn't do shit, the prednisone makes me gain weight and isn't safe to use for long periods of time. i just want all this to be happening to someone else far away so i don't have to deal with it. it's not something i should be dealing with. whenever someone find out what's wrong it's like they're in shock or something. most common response: "but you're so young!" no shit. an 18 year old should not be dealing with fucking rheumatoid arthritis. i don't even know how i fucking got it. we're pretty sure it doesn't even run in my family. better that than diabetes, which does run in my family. god damn i hate being on medication.