i'm not calling you a liar//

[failedhorribly]

Characters: Hawke, Anders, anyone else who tries to lever Hawke out of her room
Location: Hawke's room! And just outside it
Planet: Coruscant
When: After Aveline's death
What:Hawke has locked herself in her room and is ignoring the world. Feel free to stop by and bang on the door, although she may or may not reply :'D Action or prose okay!
Rating:

Comments

[abominable]

Ever since Hawke's last post Anders couldn't quite not worry about what the woman was doing, or perhaps more so what she was going through. It was strange to say the least, Anders didn't really do friends let alone... well, whatever Hawke was. There was, of course, the Templar having something to use against you problem, a personal favorite of his, along with the fact making friends in a place you planned on one day never seeing again didn't make a lot of sense. Then the Wardens- well he was getting off track. Still, who would have thought having friends/whatever Hawke was would be such hard work? Then again maybe it was just Hawke and her apparently abysmal luck. Who knew.

Still, by the evening Anders was thoroughly fed up with slinking around the clinic, unable to do more than maybe make a few people feel a little better before the disease just kicked their asses some more. With a sigh he left, ditching his mask and making his way towards the apartments- Hawke's apartment. He was just checking up, honest. He liked Hawke, she was hilarious and beautiful, not to mention she kept some of her cohorts from punching him. Of course he wouldn't deny being a little bit fascinated with the fact his future self was apparently in love with her, despite the fun apostate package he was wrapped in- ok, he would deny that if anyone asked, but not to himself. Part of him always wondered what being head-over-heels in love was like, even as he played the Ferelden Circle game with gusto.

He barely noticed that he made it to her floor, so caught up in the bizarre flow of thoughts and underlined worry. He hoped she was there- that Aveline's death was quick. Aveline was a good woman, enough that the thought of all this made his stomach churn. He had just seen her the other night, had drinks. Bloody, blighted space plagues.

If there's anybody already waiting at the door he only nods before heading to the door itself. If there isn't well... he's just going to the door then, knocking three times. "Hawke? If you're bleeding you better answer- actually even if you aren't you should, don't take that as permission to not answer otherwise." Smooth.

[failedhorribly]

There was an odd sense of deja vu at hearing Anders' voice outside her door. Three years ago - had it truly been three years, now? She could feel it as if it were yesterday - he had been there. Except that it hadn't him, not this Anders and Hawke knows even as she blinks, slowly gets to her feet and heads to the door, that letting in this Anders is probably a bad idea.

He's not the man she knows. He's not hers. It doesn't stop her from slapping her hand against the button for the door release, turning away before it even opens properly.

[abominable]

Anders tries not to look too surprised- he had expected at least more of a fight, maybe some flat out ignoring. He steps in, closing the door behind him with a swat at the button, inspecting her as he does. She wasn't spouting blood, limping or otherwise shaking in pain, that was good. He settles for following a few steps behind her, trying to think of the right thing to say. Why didn't he think of that when he had been walking over damnit.

"Hawke-" Ok, good start. He considers a joke, joking and rambling and being an ass was so much easier than taking things seriously. "I'm sorry. Out of all the people I met here Aveline- she deserved better than this plague and all that followed."

Huh, being solemn left a strange taste in his mouth. "For what it's worth I'm pretty sure you're the only one she'd trust with... this. All those disparaging Hawke's she throws your way, not many people can sum up a lecture in one word."

ugh, tense, how does it work

[failedhorribly]

She drew in a breath, slow and steady, before slowly exhaling. Looking out at Coruscant again, she placed her hands on her hips, not turning around to face him. Her eyes closed as she listened to him, knowing that this is essentially what everyone she knew had been trying to tell her since she'd returned from murdering Aveline. Since before then, really.

Well. Maybe not the Aveline remark. Her lips twitched up slightly before she made a small sound under her breath, throwing a glance over her shoulder. "You should know that I'm liable to do something very stupid with you standing here."

against us 8|

[abominable]

"If it makes you feel any better I usually do stupid things no matter who my company is." Anders answers without really thinking about it. Talking without thinking he could do, no problem. He pauses a moment before moving again, this time more to her side so he could actually see her face.

"Stupid like I'll regret it or stupid like you'll regret it?" He smirks before the look falters. "Look Hawke, I'm not very good at this... heartfelt bit. Surprising, I know, considering my endless charm but- you've been good to me here, even with all the-" He waves a hand. "... whatever you would call it. The word mess comes to mind. I want to be good to you too, whatever way that would be."

exactly! sob, too used to writing action tags

[failedhorribly]

"I've noticed that." It's easier to pretend like things are okay when he talks like that, but she's not sure she wants to pretend things are okay right now. She's not sure if she has it in her to do it.

"Stupid as in stupid. I haven't done it yet, so I'm not sure how regrets work into it." There's a twist to her mouth that he can probably see now he's looking at her face, and it only deepens once he's done talking. I want to be good to you too. She considers mentioning how much that sounds like a proposition, least she let slip that it actually reminds her hideously of him. Making inappropriately intimate comments to pretty women who smile at you five minutes after you've met them, Anders, some things never change.

She sits back on the edge of her bed, finds herself staring at her hands again. She'd washed the blood off, of course; they're are still a faint red from the heat and scrubbing. "Mess is a good word for it, yes. Maker's breath, this was a bad idea."

lmao same, bad habits 8(

[abominable]

He's not really sure what to make of the look on her face- at least she wasn't slapping him, he found that outside the Tower some of his comments were much less appreciated. He couldn't imagine why.

"Fair enough." He answers, standing somewhat awkwardly near her. He vaguely remembered when one of Karl's students- friends? - chose Tranquility in fear of the Harrowing and how he had sat next to the distraught man, hand on his shoulder as he worked it all out. This situation was similar, wasn't it? Though he was fairly sure he was the bad idea and his presence, let alone touch was not going to help matters.

Still, round about discussion on how hideously confusing his very presence made her life was a little better than the alternative of dwelling on Aveline- he wasn't sure Aveline would agree but then again even she seemed to know when a good distraction was necessary, even if this was a far cry from blue ale. With only a moment more of hesitation Anders takes a seat next to her, blissfully unaware of how eerily similar this action was to something his future self would do in another hard moment of Hawke's life.

"I could shut up if you want- it's a rare gift I'm granting you here Hawke, I very much like to hear the sound of my own voice." He points out, glancing at her hands as well. "Or I could keep talking so you don't have to, some strange, strange people enjoy that. Or I suppose I could leave- I don't think I'll do that though."

w/e w/e present tense is the best

[failedhorribly]

Her entire body stills as he sits down next to her, and the urge to just through herself at him and let him hold her until she can gets through this, push all the guilt and the anger and the hurt aside is almost overwhelming.

It's not him, she reminds herself, but the thought is only followed by another, conflicting, 'It's sort of him'. Her thoughts are stupid, she decides, and wishes that she could just avoid thinking altogether. Just for a little while. Perhaps she should have just dragged Isabela in here with her.

Or I suppose I could leave - I don't think I'll do that though. That shouldn't fill her with such relief, but a lot of things happen in Hawke's life that shouldn't. She so tired of people leaving, of thinking that things might finally be okay only to have the rug ripped from under her. It's indulgent of her to dwell on all of this, she knows, but she can't seem to stop herself.

It's probably indulgent of her to lean over and kiss him like she does, but she can't seem to stop that, either.

damn straight it is B( present tense for maximum hideous

[abominable]

Anders wasn't sure what to expect, but honestly that wasn't particularly new to him. He was rather used to being said fish out of water when it came to meaningful social interactions, so much so he usually just didn't bother with them. Of course Hawke was different, he wasn't sure why. Future him probably did, the blighted idiot.

So he waits, holding his tongue for the moment. If she didn't talk then he'd talk, he decided, he'd wait, if a certain amount of time passed he'd... tell her a story, or a bad joke, or just babble. Babbling he could do, babbling was easy. Maybe in the magical world of silent communication that's what she was asking for, he for one could only guess and pretend he had the infinite wisdom to know what she was saying without saying it. The worst she could do is kick him out, right? Right. Most likely.

Just as he was about to start speaking she's kissing him and oh... she was very good at that. And he was good at it too, and oh so weak to allow himself to kiss back when he knows it's wrong. He can practically feel Aveline and the Commander staring him down for taking advantage of an unfairly beautiful woman in her time of need, but their imaginary eyes could sod off for all he cared. It was just one kiss, right? One kiss he had admittedly been wondering about, if it would somehow be different because she was in love with some version of him and he... was confused. And still kissing her.

It's very hard to pull back, touching and kissing and trysts were something he understood very well, thank you, it was everything else here that was out of his element. "That... that would be the bad idea you mentioned, huh?"

omg this is awful, i love it /edits forever :|

[failedhorribly]

He returns the kiss, and she has enough presence of mind to admit that she's very grateful for that because Maker knows that would have made and awkward situation about a thousand times worse otherwise, and if he doesn't hold her back with quite the same fervour, desperation that she's used to, he's still very good. It's almost enough to make her stop thinking about Aveline's mutated body, the weight of collapses on her chest as she slid her lightsaber through it's heart--

And then he's pulling away, and she can't quite manage to bite back a sound of frustration at other people having guilt complexes at well, didn't they know that different rules applied to her? "I said it was stupid," she points out. "I don't believe I mentioned anything about it being a bad idea." Letting him in at all had been the bad idea. Once that had been done, though, everything else sort of paled in comparison.

Their faces are still very close together, she notices. Her hand comes up and cups his cheek lightly. Apparently at no point in Anders' life had anyone taught him how to shave properly.

ME TOO god. they are just. a wreck.

[abominable]

"Oh, so this is just the stupid idea and not the bad one. Well, that's reassuring, I must admit." Anders smirks, trying so hard not to flirt, as second nature as it was. It was a little easier when he was having all these feelings to distract his normal way of going about things. One of said feelings being a needling sort of guilt- since when did he care about using someone? Right, since using her wouldn't be helping him be free, and since he apparently was going to fall in love with her. And since she had done nothing but help him since he arrived when she had every right to wash her hands of him and his future self completely.

He doesn't say anything, almost smirking at the thought that he of all people is momentarily speechless. Her hand against his cheek was just so... strange. Intimate. Something you did with someone you were fond of, not somebody you were having a quick tumble with. Something he couldn't even remember Karl doing, the hopeless sap. Maker, future him was an asshole for all the nonsense he pulled.

"... This is the part where I selflessly tell you I shouldn't let you do this." He says, not moving away though. He had spent far too long in that damned cell and far too long imagining things like this to give it up yet, as fake as it all was probably. "You know, point out the stupid idea bit and that it may be taking advantage of the situation- you know you have the strangest eye color I have ever seen. It's-" Beautiful. He swallows. "-rather like lightning, in a way. What was I saying? Right, taking advantage. That."

at least we know we're doin' it right, then :'D

[failedhorribly]

She makes an amused sound at that bit about not letting her do this, whatever this happens to be. If she's honest, she can't remember the last time someone said that to her in all seriousness.

"And this is the part where I tell you you're an idiot if you think it's you who's taking advantage of me." She kisses him again, soft and short. "I'm a big girl, Anders." He rambles on about her eyes, and she finds herself smiling again, although that twist to her mouth is still there like she can't quite conceive of finding something amusing when Aveline is dead and she is the one who killed her. "You're welcome to go, if you want to." It's probably cheating, that she kisses him a third time after that, but she can't quite find it in herself to care.

/hifive B)

[abominable]

"Oh, so I'm the hapless victim here? I have to say, I don't think I mind." Anders answers. Soft kisses, that was also fairly new. Wasn't this just an experience?

"Right, a big girl who slays dragons and protects cities and-" And keeps kissing him, so unfair. How was he supposed to be noble and self sacrificing if she kept doing that? He wondered if this was some sort of Maker-made test- or he would wonder that if he wasn't a little focused on the kissing bit. "Already said I wasn't leaving, you're cheating." He accuses when he finally pulls back, giving her one last long look, just one more attempt before giving in to selfishness. "Are you sure Hawke?" I'm not him, he wants to say but doesn't, instead risking to take one of her hands and throw a light wave of healing against the redness scrubbed into her skin.

o/\o

[failedhorribly]

"Well, if there's a hapless victim here, it's really not me." She doesn't think of him as hapless either, and if he's a victim in this situation that makes him a victim of her, so she's going to ignore that part as well. If there is one skill that Hawke has honed over the years, it's ignoring things.

"And can look out for herself," she finishes his sentence for him, with something that is true in some ways and a lie in most. "I'm not cheating, I'm - bending the rules." Her eyes close briefly, forehead leaning against his as familiar healing magic washes over her, and she really hopes she hasn't gotten into the habit of hurting herself just so that she can get him to do that, because that's messed up even for her.

She hears the 'I'm not him' going unspoken in his words anyway. If he'd said it aloud she would have told him it was probably a good thing, and maybe even meant it. Things with her own Anders were - far too complicated. There was a simplicity to his younger self that attracted her. 'I do things I'm not sure about all the time' she wants to say, but just kisses him again instead. It's simple, easy. It's not the same, but it's close enough. "I'm sure."

[abominable]

Anders takes her other hand, doing the same. He doesn't move his hands away when he's finished, they're already close, what's one more point of contact really? He wonders if this is how it happened- or how it would happen, if he made the first move or if she did. He wondered if his future self would be jealous. He was probably the jealous type.

Thankfully his wandering thoughts got sidetracked pretty easily, and when she says 'I'm sure' he answers by raising a hand to her jaw and kissing her back, a bit less reserved, not that he was all that reserved before. Maybe there was some lingering worry that he was doing the wrong thing, if he wasn't a little busy at the moment he would wonder what some Justice voice in his head would say about this. Probably some deep, booming version of 'tsk, tsk,' or maybe manage to bore a gaze into the back of his head without eyes to even do so. He was talented that way.

He had much nicer things on his mind thankfully, like Hawke for example. Or more specifically her lips, or the ends of her hair brushing against the back of his hand. You know, small things. He realized in a way it was different, very different, kissing someone you loved. Or someone who loved you. Or someone who loved some future version of you... something like that. Maybe it was all the confusion that made it so different.

[failedhorribly]

She doesn't think about whether or not this is a good idea or a bad idea or a stupid idea - she doesn't think, just winds her arms around his neck to tug him closer. Not close enough, but she doesn't want to investigate that thought too closely just yet when his lips are sliding over hers and why is he so good at that?

She knows, of course, has spent hours laughing at the stories of his various trysts. Hawke has never been one to get jealous easily, although who knows what will happen after this - whatever this is. She doesn't exactly have a claim on his younger self, after all. She wonders if her Anders would be jealous of this, before finally deciding that she has a very attractive young man in her hand right now and should probably take advantage of that.

She breaks the kiss for a moment, keeping her arms looped around his neck as she rearranges herself with a knee on either side of him before she nips at his lower lip. Subtlety has never been a strong point of Hawke's.