Hey there, remember me?
I haven't updated in a while I know. I've been so busy lately its ridiculous. I actually have a job now, we're training a new drummer, and I have a plethora of things to do and people to see. However, one minute I'm happy, the others I'm quite miserable. I have tons of great friends, but something is missing. I'm ridiculously lonely, and I think its why I'm so moody sometimes. Today Andi and the girls came home. I was so thrilled to see them, haha I actually really missed having them around. I always have tons of fun when I'm out with them, and there is no drama, unlike how it is when I hang out with dudes. Maybe I'm gay or have a deep feminine side, haha. Lately I can't stand hanging out with joe, geoff, and occasionally steve. They are always so tense, and always just talk shit and get on my case. Geoff has fucked up mood swings where he is an absolute dick to me and always on my case, and it pisses me off since I always say nothing but good things about him to ppl and how he's such an awesome kid. Joe sometimes can be an asshole, but usually isn't to bad. This whole week though, none of them called me to hang out, I had to call them. But tonight since I was hanging out with the girls, of course I got a call. Tonight was shit really. I was so glad to see carl, who is the best dude ever, and who is a loyal friend. I can't wait till he's in hammer bros. ( which btw we are playing a HUGE show in boston July 25th with stand and fight. ) I threw shit on steve's car so he said i had no respect for other ppl's stuff. This comes from a kid who has a history of burning things in my house after me repeatedly asking him not to, as well as recently stabbing things in my house, not to mention the whole past experience with respecting my neighborhood. Whateve, again, I don't bring these things up, but he's so quick to fault me.
The thing I noticed lately is I'm only in bad moods when I'm with geoff and joe and steve. There is so much tension and drama that I don't experience in any other group of friends. I get along with the girls, jim and them, carl, etc.. with no problem. Maybe we all have just changed and gone our separate ways as ppl and personalities and we are just trying to hold on to the past. Last summer I got along with geoff great, but I, as anyone else most probably, have noticed a huge change. I'm not as much the laughing idiot who doesnt give a care in the world. I do care, and I think maybe I have grown out of this group. One part of me loves these kids to death, and the other grows tired and gets annoyed. I've found lately alot of things and ways I once loved, I have grown tired of. I look how I play in the band cuz I love the music and I love jim, and cuz its a shitload of fun and makes me feel good about myself, but not cuz I love hardcore, like I used to. Maybe it's just me going through something weird these past few months. Everyone around me seems to be changing and moving away from how things once were, and most of all me. I look back to a couple months ago when I was happy. Back when steve and I would drive to acton and hangout with van, julie, and geoff, back when I loved hardcore and Hammer Bros. was first starting to do well, and before all of us were changed by the politics of the scene. Back when Hollie was my best friend ( someone who I miss very much, even though I treated her like shit), and when we hung out everyday with brian and peterson. Back before the drama. When my life was about fun, and living without worry. About just going through life day by day, just living.
It's like one day, everything is great with one part of my life, and another is shit. The next day the great is shit and the shit is great (whoa). ::sigh:: I'm being a like eme.
Jim and Andi are really the greatest friends in the world. Carl too. I'm so thankful to have them.
That concludes the Matt bitch session for the month. Have a good night ppl.
The thing I noticed lately is I'm only in bad moods when I'm with geoff and joe and steve. There is so much tension and drama that I don't experience in any other group of friends. I get along with the girls, jim and them, carl, etc.. with no problem. Maybe we all have just changed and gone our separate ways as ppl and personalities and we are just trying to hold on to the past. Last summer I got along with geoff great, but I, as anyone else most probably, have noticed a huge change. I'm not as much the laughing idiot who doesnt give a care in the world. I do care, and I think maybe I have grown out of this group. One part of me loves these kids to death, and the other grows tired and gets annoyed. I've found lately alot of things and ways I once loved, I have grown tired of. I look how I play in the band cuz I love the music and I love jim, and cuz its a shitload of fun and makes me feel good about myself, but not cuz I love hardcore, like I used to. Maybe it's just me going through something weird these past few months. Everyone around me seems to be changing and moving away from how things once were, and most of all me. I look back to a couple months ago when I was happy. Back when steve and I would drive to acton and hangout with van, julie, and geoff, back when I loved hardcore and Hammer Bros. was first starting to do well, and before all of us were changed by the politics of the scene. Back when Hollie was my best friend ( someone who I miss very much, even though I treated her like shit), and when we hung out everyday with brian and peterson. Back before the drama. When my life was about fun, and living without worry. About just going through life day by day, just living.
It's like one day, everything is great with one part of my life, and another is shit. The next day the great is shit and the shit is great (whoa). ::sigh:: I'm being a like eme.
Jim and Andi are really the greatest friends in the world. Carl too. I'm so thankful to have them.
That concludes the Matt bitch session for the month. Have a good night ppl.