And now it's high time to be something bigger than we are [Closed]

[edge_of_honor]

Characters: Edgeworth and Iroh
Content: Iroh and Edgeworth's odd friendship as it develops through the years
Setting: von Karma's manor, the Firelord estate, and the best little teashop in Reial
Time: Fifteen years ago, ten years ago, and almost nearly a year ago
Warnings: None yet

Comments

Ten Years ago, at the funeral for Lu Ten at the Firelord family Estate

[myfavoritetea]

Really, Iroh simply wished to be left alone. The platitudes and empty, meaningless words meant nothing. His son was dead, and no one could make that right. No one could change it. Nothing anyone said would ease the pain.

It was only making it worse. The eulogist had been spewing forth meaningless garbage that Lu Ten had died 'in a valiant effort to preserve the purity and fundamentals of his country.' He had been killed 'upholding the ideals of Ivona, and ours in a nation eternally grateful for his great sacrifice.'

Iroh had wanted to be sick. The emptiness that consumed him was slowly being filled by a quiet rage at his own 'beloved country.' He couldn't bear it anymore, and walked away from the endless crowds of people waiting to shake his hand and say the same tired line of being 'sorry for his loss.' He didn't care that he left them standing there. He didn't care that they would Talk.

He was beyond caring.

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Miles' head hung low as he listened to the eulogy. He tried to pay attention to the speech but the words all blended together into useless gibberish by the time they reached his ears. The only thing that remained was the soft, smooth rhythm of his voice. The now hypnotic sound only served to strengthen the numb daze he had found himself in. Lu Ten, son of Admiral Iroh, lay dead. Even though they had known each other since children, even though he and his father had been so patient and kind to him whenever they met, Miles felt no grief. That emotion had been blocked off by a heavy damn, too distant and far away to reach him

[myfavoritetea]

Fortunately the eulogy and reception were taking place up in the house grounds proper, and not at the actual gravesite. There had been far too many people to gather beneath the tree on the hill.... And so that was where Iroh headed now.

There were tears in his eyes, but he was numb and cold and far too angry to let them fall. He would weep later. Kneeling by the fresh grave of his son, he touched the image next to it. "My son..." he whispered to no one, and sighed.

And it was about this time that he noticed he'd been followed. He made no indication of the fact, though. Hopefully whoever it was would see an old father lost in his grief, and just leave him alone.

[edge_of_honor]

Miles realized where Iroh had led him a moment too late. His steps became slow and halted and his heart pounded against his chest. He wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't his right. He stood back while Iroh grieved, and panic mixed with guilt as every fiber of his being shouted at him to leave.

But he couldn't. His feet had become rooted to the very ground he stood on. Miles clenched his fists in frustration and squeezed his eyes shut as he lowered his head. This wasn't right. Nothing here was right.

[myfavoritetea]

Iroh was getting tired of being silently observed. He sighed after a long moment, and did not turn around. Rather, he just bit out at whoever was behind him, not caring who it was. "Surely you have better things to do than watch an old man grieve." His voice was quiet but authoritative, hoarse from disuse.

[edge_of_honor]

Miles bit his tongue when Iroh spoke. So he had been seen after all. His face reddened with shame and he glanced away, unable to even look at the old man.

"...I'm sorry," he said, his voice humbled. "I'll be going now."

[myfavoritetea]

That voice... of course it would be Edgeworth. One of the few people who could possibly have cut through his grief, even a little. His eyes lingered over the grave of his son.

With another sigh, Iroh turned his head towards his apologetic observer. "Miles.... I suppose you found the eulogy meaningless as well. Or did you follow me for a reason?"

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"I was worried," he said, after some hesitation. The words felt like ashes in his mouth. Despite what Iroh had gone through, he still had his pride. Miles doubted that he wanted the pity of some child.

"That's all."

[myfavoritetea]

"Hmph." Silence reigned over him for a moment, and he let out a very ragged sigh. This was incredibly hard for him, of course. Talking was not exactly what he wanted to do at the moment... but it was probably what he needed.

"...Your worry is appreciated."

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Miles' brow furrowed with concerned, and he asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

Of course not reminded a dark, nasty voice from the corner of his head. However, he simply couldn't let him be. Not when he was like this.

[myfavoritetea]

Resign from the military... He came close, very close, to saying it, but stopped himself at the last minute. Iroh was emotionally done- filled with bitterness and resentment, and very ready to just let it all go and lash out at the closest person.

But Miles did not deserve that. So he allowed a little of the actual pain to funnel into his mind and displace some of the anger. "...He was only a few years your senior."

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Miles wasn't sure what to say to that. While the difference in age may have been small to Iroh, to Miles it always felt like an impenetrable gulf. Lu Ten was always so strong, so talented, so...

He trembled before he realized it and his chest tightened with a sudden pain. Miles swallowed the lump in his throat, and said, "He was a good-"

Man? Boy? Neither title seemed to fit now. After a moment's hesitation, Miles said, "He was a good soldier."

[myfavoritetea]

Wrong thing to say. Iroh's brow creased, and he turned fully from the grave of his son to face Miles.

His voice took on an edge of fierceness that he had never used on his young friend before. "He was much more than a soldier! He was wise beyond his years- strong and thoughtful and kind. He would have become a good man. None of that is being said. No. What do they-" he indicated those back at the house, milling around while the eulogist prattled on, "-focus on? 'He was a good soldier. He did the Nation proud.'"

He bristled, almost looking as if he were about to spit towards the house. "They disgust me."

[edge_of_honor]

Miles eyes widened at Iroh's outburst and his body stiffened as his brain worked through the shock. He would have thought that a man like Iroh (a soldier, his mind whispered) would have understood. After all, Lu Ten did do his nation proud. He fought for Ivona. He died for Ivona. Didn't he deserve their praise? Didn't he deserve their gratitude?! They owed it to him!

Before he knew it, a dark cloud had come over his face, and he started to shake again; this time with rage. However, as strong as his anger was, it was clouded and unfocused, and even he did not know who or what had caused it. All he knew was that everything had been backwards ever since he stepped into the Firelord estate. Nothing seemed just or right or fair-

His vision blurred and he blinked, his eyes moist. The harsh sting made Miles wince before he lowered his head again. He remained silent, too confused to speak or even face him right now.

[myfavoritetea]

Iroh noticed the stunned and emotionally tumultuous expressions coursing through the young man. He was a little thrown by it, or would have been, had he not been lost in his own anger and grief. Miles's rage, after all, could be nothing compared to his own, part of his mind reasoned. He allowed more of it to come through, needed to vent a little, and Miles was so conveniently there. "My son," he continued, his voice dark and his eyes filled with shadows that had nothing to do with Miles, "is dead. And none of them can so much as tell me why. They flutter around spouting empty, sycophantic words about Ivona and pride and the good of the continent...."

He shook his head, some of the bitterness leaving his voice, replaced with sorrow. His emptiness was wavering a bit, and his mind was beginning to allow thoughts and realizations that he was just coming to spill out. "But none of that changes the fact that he is dead, and that his death was ultimately meaningless."

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His rage had dulled but it continued to seethe deep inside him, like a pot that had cooled from a roiling boil to a steady simmer. A small part of him, a sliver of rationality that had yet to be tainted by grief and misdirected anger, knew that he shouldn't feel this way around Iroh. Not now, not after all that the old man had lost. Guilt and shame had cooled his temper somewhat but it still clung to him with a youthful stubbornness that he could not shake.

Then Iroh claimed that Lu Ten's death had been meaningless. That it had been a waste. Miles' jaw dropped at the insult, but a second later he clenched his mouth shut and looked Iroh straight in the eye.

"It wasn't a waste," he said, his voice low with a shaky edge to it.