and again
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2005-12-19 16:10:00
I'm still having big-time guilty feelings regarding her. It's not like I have done anything/am going to do anything, but I dunno...I have guilty feelings knowing that because shit's happened in the past, there's potential for it to happen in the future.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2005-12-20 13:08:00
Maybe I'm just not supposed to be tied down. Fuck this shit.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-01-01 19:27:00
Oh, man...this is going to make me seem like an awful person. Or something. Maybe not.
Anyhow. I've been doubtful about my relationship with her from the start...like, I've always been asking myself what I'm getting into, and I keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole with the whole thing. As every week and month goes by, she becomes more attached, and I continue asking why I'm in a long-distance relationship with someone who I haven't even spent that much time with. Like, we went on maybe...4 or 5 dates before Katrina, and I saw her back in October, and then I saw her again over Christmas break. I dunno...but to me, there's something to be said for seeing the person you're "in a relationship" with.
I do like her a lot. And I do love her. But I dunno if I can continue a "romance", if I never get to see her or spend time with her. I'm getting kind of fed up with the telephone and the internet, I need quality time. I have nothing but love and respect for her, and I'd very much enjoy continuing a friendship with her...we understand each other well, get along great, and enjoy each other's company. I just don't think I can become romantically attached, as long as there's this distance between us. I don't think it's fair to her to allow this to go on much longer, but I'm afraid of completely breaking her heart and hurting her feelings. I hate causing anyone pain.
I also feel guilty dating her, her being 'straightedge' and all, seeing as I drink and smoke [cigarettes and pot] and have sex. Yeah. Once again, I don't want to be the one to bring her down.
There's also the fact that I'm in college and in a different place mentally than where she is. I'm not talking intellect, I'm talking mindset. I'm more independent, and I've broken out of my high school bubble. I'm having experiences that she hasn't had yet, and I'm meeting new people. And, I think, in order to truly 'broaden my horizons', or whatever, I need to experience other people.
Now I've gotta figure out how to deal with this mess.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-01-10 15:48:00
good judgement is once again proving to me
it's still worth its weight in gold
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-02-01 20:11:00
Current music: Belle and Sebastian
And I know it could be me
I'm always asking for more
I keep running round in circles
I keep looking for a doorway
I'm going to need two lives
To follow the paths I've been taking
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-03-01 03:15:00
I don't even know what to say, so as to not sound like some huge hypocrite.
Part of the mess is something I got myself into. Fucking awesome job.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-03-21 11:34:00
Stayed with AT last night. She and JB broke up a couple of weeks ago. I hate that it's still tempting to mess around with her. Nothing happened last night, but I wouldn't have minded if something had, and that bothers me. I know that it wouldn't be okay at all to cheat, and I know that I'd have major problems with myself afterwards, but why does it seem like an okay idea before and while it's happening? I mean, I know with AT it would never develop into anything, but even one night is too much. Jesus.
I hate that all of this still happens, even though I'm with her and I love her and she and I are getting serious.
I hate that I never feel satisfied with anything.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-04-10 23:08:00
I'm spread too thin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-04-19 02:31:00
I'm feeling kinda like a bitch and noticing a pattern.
@ 2005-12-19 16:10:00
I'm still having big-time guilty feelings regarding her. It's not like I have done anything/am going to do anything, but I dunno...I have guilty feelings knowing that because shit's happened in the past, there's potential for it to happen in the future.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2005-12-20 13:08:00
Maybe I'm just not supposed to be tied down. Fuck this shit.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-01-01 19:27:00
Oh, man...this is going to make me seem like an awful person. Or something. Maybe not.
Anyhow. I've been doubtful about my relationship with her from the start...like, I've always been asking myself what I'm getting into, and I keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole with the whole thing. As every week and month goes by, she becomes more attached, and I continue asking why I'm in a long-distance relationship with someone who I haven't even spent that much time with. Like, we went on maybe...4 or 5 dates before Katrina, and I saw her back in October, and then I saw her again over Christmas break. I dunno...but to me, there's something to be said for seeing the person you're "in a relationship" with.
I do like her a lot. And I do love her. But I dunno if I can continue a "romance", if I never get to see her or spend time with her. I'm getting kind of fed up with the telephone and the internet, I need quality time. I have nothing but love and respect for her, and I'd very much enjoy continuing a friendship with her...we understand each other well, get along great, and enjoy each other's company. I just don't think I can become romantically attached, as long as there's this distance between us. I don't think it's fair to her to allow this to go on much longer, but I'm afraid of completely breaking her heart and hurting her feelings. I hate causing anyone pain.
I also feel guilty dating her, her being 'straightedge' and all, seeing as I drink and smoke [cigarettes and pot] and have sex. Yeah. Once again, I don't want to be the one to bring her down.
There's also the fact that I'm in college and in a different place mentally than where she is. I'm not talking intellect, I'm talking mindset. I'm more independent, and I've broken out of my high school bubble. I'm having experiences that she hasn't had yet, and I'm meeting new people. And, I think, in order to truly 'broaden my horizons', or whatever, I need to experience other people.
Now I've gotta figure out how to deal with this mess.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-01-10 15:48:00
good judgement is once again proving to me
it's still worth its weight in gold
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-02-01 20:11:00
Current music: Belle and Sebastian
And I know it could be me
I'm always asking for more
I keep running round in circles
I keep looking for a doorway
I'm going to need two lives
To follow the paths I've been taking
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-03-01 03:15:00
I don't even know what to say, so as to not sound like some huge hypocrite.
Part of the mess is something I got myself into. Fucking awesome job.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-03-21 11:34:00
Stayed with AT last night. She and JB broke up a couple of weeks ago. I hate that it's still tempting to mess around with her. Nothing happened last night, but I wouldn't have minded if something had, and that bothers me. I know that it wouldn't be okay at all to cheat, and I know that I'd have major problems with myself afterwards, but why does it seem like an okay idea before and while it's happening? I mean, I know with AT it would never develop into anything, but even one night is too much. Jesus.
I hate that all of this still happens, even though I'm with her and I love her and she and I are getting serious.
I hate that I never feel satisfied with anything.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-04-10 23:08:00
I'm spread too thin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
katharine (theskwirrel) wrote,
@ 2006-04-19 02:31:00
I'm feeling kinda like a bitch and noticing a pattern.