'bitchzilla' strikes again...
katharine wrote,
@ 2006-04-19 23:51:00
Current music: Smashing Pumpkins--Zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass...
Talked to Mom about the breakup situation, and she thinks it's for the best.
She said, a few weeks ago, that she thinks this relationship might be limiting me, as far as new experiences and opportunities are concerned. I've been thinking about that, and I hate the thought of missing out on anything. I'm young, now is when I should be living to the fullest.
It'd be different if she were in town, but it's not like our relationship is even growing. It's been pretty stagnant, really, when you think about it. Nothing's changed since October, in all honesty. We've done more, physically, but that's it. And even that isn't satisfying, because it only happens every few months. Sure, I've been spoiled lately, but I can't go on like this. I'd rather be single, doing nothing at all or having the opportunity to hook up randomly, instead of being tied down to something that gives me no satisfaction the majority of the time. I've been amazingly good in this relationship, which I'm proud of, but I don't know if it's worth it. And the fact that I have that doubt in the first place tells me that it's not.
I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I have the feeling that it'll be a bad blow, especially since she was just here this past weekend. But as Mom said, is there ever really a "good" time for a breakup? No. She's such a sweet kid, and a good person, but I feel guilty. She's way more into this than I am [always has been], and that's not fair to her. I can't help the way I feel, and feelings change, and I'm sorry for that, but I ultimately can't help it. And, as Mom said, she'll get over it. I'm over Lauren, she'll get over me. Yes, I still love Lauren. Yes, there's still a hole where she's missing. But that's life and that's love, and you can't share something like that without expecting scars.
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, it's a high school/freshman college relationship. Tiny. Insignificant.
I guess I'm having this dread talk tomorrow. What I'm really hating the thought of is hearing her cry. Because I know she will.
@ 2006-04-19 23:51:00
Current music: Smashing Pumpkins--Zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass...
Talked to Mom about the breakup situation, and she thinks it's for the best.
She said, a few weeks ago, that she thinks this relationship might be limiting me, as far as new experiences and opportunities are concerned. I've been thinking about that, and I hate the thought of missing out on anything. I'm young, now is when I should be living to the fullest.
It'd be different if she were in town, but it's not like our relationship is even growing. It's been pretty stagnant, really, when you think about it. Nothing's changed since October, in all honesty. We've done more, physically, but that's it. And even that isn't satisfying, because it only happens every few months. Sure, I've been spoiled lately, but I can't go on like this. I'd rather be single, doing nothing at all or having the opportunity to hook up randomly, instead of being tied down to something that gives me no satisfaction the majority of the time. I've been amazingly good in this relationship, which I'm proud of, but I don't know if it's worth it. And the fact that I have that doubt in the first place tells me that it's not.
I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I have the feeling that it'll be a bad blow, especially since she was just here this past weekend. But as Mom said, is there ever really a "good" time for a breakup? No. She's such a sweet kid, and a good person, but I feel guilty. She's way more into this than I am [always has been], and that's not fair to her. I can't help the way I feel, and feelings change, and I'm sorry for that, but I ultimately can't help it. And, as Mom said, she'll get over it. I'm over Lauren, she'll get over me. Yes, I still love Lauren. Yes, there's still a hole where she's missing. But that's life and that's love, and you can't share something like that without expecting scars.
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, it's a high school/freshman college relationship. Tiny. Insignificant.
I guess I'm having this dread talk tomorrow. What I'm really hating the thought of is hearing her cry. Because I know she will.