(no subject)
I tried to visit my mom the other day when I got out of work...drove all the way out to where she lives now...and its just too entirely difficult. Her personality is gone. Absolutely gone. Just goes to show...is medicating the mentally ill really an answer? I mean honestly...I remember the person my mother used to be...and this person...lingering...I don't know her. It would be one thing if my Mother had died...and I had been able to mourn...and cope. However, only part of her has died...and its just an emotional rollercoaster. For 5 fucking years...I've been fucking myself over emotionally...trying to visit her wherever she may be, whatever adult home, whatever hospital, etc. But, each and every visit never changes...and the loss I've experienced never heals. They don't even have an answer as to WHY. How does such an exceptional mother, one of the kindest people I've ever known to exist, one of the most down to earth people...just...lose it!? Depression they say. Bullshit. A person doesn't wake up suddenly, halluncinating, experiencing extreme paranoia, starving herself until her muscles completely deteriorated. Mind racing 945784 miles an hour... Something had to have happened. It isn't depression. It can't be. Schizophrenia is more likely...but since when is that so sudden? Whatever, 5 years without an answer...5 years without proper closure...Just. an. open. wound.
And my father...what can I say about my father? I never see him, I moved out as soon as my mother went away...lived with my Grandma, my dad lost his apartment so I got an apartment for the two of us and all he's done is screwed me over financially. So since I've moved out, and into my own apartment with Matthew...I've been able to concentrate more on *me*.
But, anyways...why am I bringing this up? I'll tell you.
I've been working 11 days straight, my one day off isn't until July 7th.
Dennis, a dishwasher brought up a painful subject.
He was saddened because he hadn't seen his mother in father since earlier that day, and he missed them already...then I said well you're lucky you see them daily...I never see my parents. And then he (being his insensitive, natural self) went on to tell me how much that sucked, and how my life must suck...etc. Then to make matters worse...about three of the servers sparked a conversation about how they still live with their parents, and see them everyday and how they can't imagine life without them...and how much they've done for them...and how they're like their best friends!!
Well that's enough to make someone like me hang myself in the employee bathroom.
And my father...what can I say about my father? I never see him, I moved out as soon as my mother went away...lived with my Grandma, my dad lost his apartment so I got an apartment for the two of us and all he's done is screwed me over financially. So since I've moved out, and into my own apartment with Matthew...I've been able to concentrate more on *me*.
But, anyways...why am I bringing this up? I'll tell you.
I've been working 11 days straight, my one day off isn't until July 7th.
Dennis, a dishwasher brought up a painful subject.
He was saddened because he hadn't seen his mother in father since earlier that day, and he missed them already...then I said well you're lucky you see them daily...I never see my parents. And then he (being his insensitive, natural self) went on to tell me how much that sucked, and how my life must suck...etc. Then to make matters worse...about three of the servers sparked a conversation about how they still live with their parents, and see them everyday and how they can't imagine life without them...and how much they've done for them...and how they're like their best friends!!
Well that's enough to make someone like me hang myself in the employee bathroom.