Recruiting: The Other Sales
I hate people.
Just, you know, in general.
It's not like I woke up one morning and just decided, "You know what? Fuck people. Those big, fat, sweater-wearing primates can just go fuck themselves." I mean, that would've been cool and all, but it's not the way it happened. According to my favorite paid friend, it's partially due to a prolonged high-level of anxiety (prolonged meaning, like, a really freakin' long time), among other things. Diagnosis? Agoraphobia! Dr. Paid Friend gets a big fat prize! Namely, my co-pay. Hooray! ::applause::
A special "Thanks For Trying" Award is given to Dr. Burch, Medicine Woman for his incorrent answer of 'Social Retardation'. What a trooper. Perhaps if you ever crack open a book on psychology (the science that deals with mental processes and behavior), you may even come close next time. A hint: the *hallmark* (red alert! ding ding ding! flash of the obvious ahead!) of 'social retardation' or, to use actual psychological terms, antisocial personality disorder, is (drumroll!) NOT KNOWING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. You know, kind of like you.
But I digress.
As oftentimes I do.
So, yes, people. Blech.
People have often tried to encourage me to go into sales. "You're intelligent, you're witty, you're knowledgeable, you're professional, you're personable! You could make fat bank!" Then my eyebrow twitches and my nostrils flare, "But dontchya, ya know, have to sell to people?" Unfortunately, yes. Selling involves people. But what can I do with these talents that does not involve liking people? What sort of job could I have that would not only utilize my talents, but also make use of my amazing HyperCriticism superpower?
It came to me, in a vision.
Recruiting.
What the fuck is that?! Yes, I heard you from here. Recruiting is the part of Human Resources (hiring & firing) which is focused on hiring. The similarity to sales? Cold-calling. You often call people whom have not expressed interest in the company yet but are qualified for the position in question. You sell the company. So, how is this not like sales when it comes to people contact? If I no-likey them or they no-likey the job, I do not have to speak to them again. In sales, you have to try, try again...and again...and again to establish a business relationship. Then, you have to be with them during each step of the sales process up to and including the sale. Also, you must maintain that relationship after you have made the sale. Recruiting? I don't have to like you, you don't have to like me, you just have to like the job and the company.
::sigh::
A professional job that not only utilizes my strengths, but allows me to work independently with measurable goals.
Yay!
Also, in HR, your job is to enforce company policies. I love rules. Rules keep humanity in check. Mmm... Rules and organization... (insert drooling Homer face here) Umm... Yeah, so, you sort of act as the 'company police'.
So, for the first time, um, well, ever I am psyched to get up in the mornings and do my job.
Also! Itching to land the perfect job? Tips below!
MAKING an IMPRESSION
Created by NikLabs, a division of STFUCorp.
Just, you know, in general.
It's not like I woke up one morning and just decided, "You know what? Fuck people. Those big, fat, sweater-wearing primates can just go fuck themselves." I mean, that would've been cool and all, but it's not the way it happened. According to my favorite paid friend, it's partially due to a prolonged high-level of anxiety (prolonged meaning, like, a really freakin' long time), among other things. Diagnosis? Agoraphobia! Dr. Paid Friend gets a big fat prize! Namely, my co-pay. Hooray! ::applause::
A special "Thanks For Trying" Award is given to Dr. Burch, Medicine Woman for his incorrent answer of 'Social Retardation'. What a trooper. Perhaps if you ever crack open a book on psychology (the science that deals with mental processes and behavior), you may even come close next time. A hint: the *hallmark* (red alert! ding ding ding! flash of the obvious ahead!) of 'social retardation' or, to use actual psychological terms, antisocial personality disorder, is (drumroll!) NOT KNOWING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. You know, kind of like you.
But I digress.
As oftentimes I do.
So, yes, people. Blech.
People have often tried to encourage me to go into sales. "You're intelligent, you're witty, you're knowledgeable, you're professional, you're personable! You could make fat bank!" Then my eyebrow twitches and my nostrils flare, "But dontchya, ya know, have to sell to people?" Unfortunately, yes. Selling involves people. But what can I do with these talents that does not involve liking people? What sort of job could I have that would not only utilize my talents, but also make use of my amazing HyperCriticism superpower?
It came to me, in a vision.
Recruiting.
What the fuck is that?! Yes, I heard you from here. Recruiting is the part of Human Resources (hiring & firing) which is focused on hiring. The similarity to sales? Cold-calling. You often call people whom have not expressed interest in the company yet but are qualified for the position in question. You sell the company. So, how is this not like sales when it comes to people contact? If I no-likey them or they no-likey the job, I do not have to speak to them again. In sales, you have to try, try again...and again...and again to establish a business relationship. Then, you have to be with them during each step of the sales process up to and including the sale. Also, you must maintain that relationship after you have made the sale. Recruiting? I don't have to like you, you don't have to like me, you just have to like the job and the company.
::sigh::
A professional job that not only utilizes my strengths, but allows me to work independently with measurable goals.
Yay!
Also, in HR, your job is to enforce company policies. I love rules. Rules keep humanity in check. Mmm... Rules and organization... (insert drooling Homer face here) Umm... Yeah, so, you sort of act as the 'company police'.
So, for the first time, um, well, ever I am psyched to get up in the mornings and do my job.
Also! Itching to land the perfect job? Tips below!
MAKING an IMPRESSION
Created by NikLabs, a division of STFUCorp.