(no subject)
my love/hate relationship with toronto
alternatively titled: i'm not coherent, it's late
+ before i lived in toronto, i would go to visit somebody who i was mad about and we would be full of youthful adventure. i loved it there. i was so attached. the anticipation and excitement that would build as i passed each station stop on the way would get me so riled up. union station was my heaven, my comfort zone, because no matter who i was seeing, that's where we would meet. in front of the luggage shop, the left pillar in front of the subway entrance, or the clock out on Front street. it didn't matter that i was in a sea of commuters -- i was just searching for one face.
yes, i have met nearly all of the people who i would consider to be my "very close friends" in toronto. it is full of amazing people if you know where to look. but my real desire to live there came from the one day, blissful times that i had known from years before. those experiences seemed to only come in one day doses.
- since i've lived in the "big city", since i went to a school that made me question my goals and ambitions in toronto, since i had my heart broken in toronto, since i spent eight months being completely depressed in toronto, i never want to live there again.
i don't know if it was just bad timing. i thought that i would really suit the city, but we didn't mesh at all. toronto isn't one face like it used to be. it's a city of strangers and cab drives. i felt too small there, too anonymous. my friends were my safety net. i survived january and february by two people. i survived the next two months by drinking a lot.