(Untitled)
Couldn't we just kill these demons and not have to worry whether or not we negotiated with whatever the hell Gunn was trying to negotiated with them. Grox'lars were never demons I ever wanted to be associated with even as the head of Wolfram and Hart. Though apparently, we were trying to come to some sort of compromise. Eat babies or don't eat
( Read more... )
Long ago were the days of time spent behind the counters and working on our next case. Long ago were the days of talks outside in the courtyard. Long ago were the days of watching Cordy hold my son in her arms never looking more beautiful than she did in those moments.
Blinking, I set the picture back down on the table. Would she come back to the hospital? Stay at the hotel? Or would she somehow find out from someone else about us being at Wolfram and Hart? If she found out that way.. I doubt I'd see her again without a scowl on her face.
"Angel?"
I just froze. Turning, I saw her. She looked.. exactly the same. She had a confused look on her face, her eyes studying me. I wanted to walk over there and hold her, to feel that she was really here. That she was alive and awake.
Taking a few steps closer to her, I couldn't hold back a smile that tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Cordy.." It was then that it didn't really matter what she thought about what happened over the past few months. The only thing that mattered right now in this moment was that she was standing here in front of me.
The smile grew a bit larger and I now stood just in front of her. "Cordy." Hesitantly, but deliberatly I put my arms around her frame, hugging her. I had no idea if she'd pull away or if she even already knew about me being at Wolfram and Hart. I didn't care.
"I've missed you."
Reply
The sound of him saying my name brought a lump to my throat. It sounded raw, like-- Like he hadn't seen me just 12 hours ago, right there in the hotel. Like we hadn't exchanged pleasantries this morning over Connor's bottle.
I blinked at him, confused, wondering where that morning had gone and what had happened to Angel since my absence, why I could see a certain emptiness in his eyes when he looked at me.
He said my name again, walked forward smiling, and I let myself get drawn into his arms. I sank into an embrace so familiar that I found my hands clutching at the back of his jacket, terrified to let go in case I lost the one thing that actually made sense in this new, whacked out version of the world.
"I've missed you." He murmured and I could feel something tugging at me, some long forgotten memory, drawing me down into its grip. Two years as coma-girl, of course he'd missed me. I'd only seen him this morning.
I pulled back and looked up at him, the lump wedged in my throat. "I-I missed you..." But that wasn't strictly true. It was hard to miss someone you'd been talking to that morning. It was hard waking up from what you thought was a nap only to find that two years had passed.
"What's going on, Angel? The hotel... It's boarded up. My apartment..." My poor, Phantom Dennised apartment that had a new owner now, "Is this a joke? 'Cause I know it's my birthday and all, but..." I laughed but all it sounded was strange.
"I don't understand. I woke up this morning and I was legal for, like, everything. I have one little vision, get shunted into a weapons cabinet and then a wacko cab-driver tells me that I'm the unhinged one because, hey, it's 2005." I frowned, "Like I'm actually gonna believe that. Pfft."
Angel's face fell. I stared at him for a long moment, trying to see what that reaction was and I felt my stomach sinking. "What's going on, Angel?" I asked, quietly.
Reply
She repeated the words back to me and I couldn't help but feel a bit hurt that the words weren't quite as convincing as I'd thought mine were. Then again, why would she have really missed me? She'd been in a coma for months and probably had no idea she'd been lying there in that bed for so long.
I looked at her, letting my arms fall to my sides. Her face was full of confusion and I couldn't blame her. She'd woken up her in a hospital room with nothing but nurses to try and explain where she was.
One of us should've been here with her. Someone. I should've been here the moment she first opened her eyes. But I wasn't. I was stuck in another damn meeting with demons I should've simply been killing instead of defending.
"What's going on, Angel? The hotel... It's boarded up. My apartment... Is this a joke? 'Cause I know it's my birthday and all, but..."
Frowning, I thought about what day this was. God, it had been her birthday. Today of all days I should've been here to at least tell her happy birthday even if she hadn't been able to hear it. I wondered how she even knew this was her birthday. Had someone told her? God, if they had then she must know how long it's been since she'd been in the coma.
"I don't understand. I woke up this morning and I was legal for, like, everything. I have one little vision, get shunted into a weapons cabinet and then a wacko cab-driver tells me that I'm the unhinged one because, hey, it's 2005. Like I'm actually gonna believe that. Pfft."
My face fell. She.. wait. Well, I guess it was technically a year later, but it had only been a few months. Now I was confused. She woke up this morning with a vision? Legal, weapons cabinet? Oh god... She thought that..
She asked the same question again and I glanced down at the white tiled floor for a moment before looking back up at her again. How was I supposed to tell her all that happened over the past.. two years? Things she'd actually lived and now? She never remembered any of it. Had this been a part of the spell to erase everyone's memories of Connor? If so, I'd have to have a long and possibly violent talk with whoever was responsible for this.
Finally, I let out a sigh and looked straight at her. "Cordy.. I-.. I'm sorry. He was telling you the truth. The cab driver. Today is.. it is your birthday. But not the one you remember. You're twenty-three, Cordy. You've been in a coma longer than just today. It's been months."
Reply
Angel's gaze slid to the tiled, icky floor of the too-white hospital (seriously, would it kill them to have a little color in this place?) and fear made my stomach clench. What if my cab driver had been right? What if it really was two years? It wasn't like I'd had time to stop and find today's newspaper in among all the blacking out and the waking up from the coma and everything. And if that was the case--
"Cordy.. I-.. I'm sorry. He was telling you the truth. The cab driver. Today is.. it is your birthday. But not the one you remember. You're twenty-three, Cordy. You've been in a coma longer than just today. It's been months."
My mouth worked open and closed for a moment, trying to form words. The cab driver *had* been right? But that meant-- Oh boy. I sagged backwards, thankfully finding that Angel was holding me up this time, no blackout required, and stared at him.
It was my birthday. Just not my 21st. I was twenty-three years old, had been in a coma for-- Months? Well, okay, that was just an Angel-understatement. Months - more like two years, "I don't get it." I whispered, "I-- I was in the hotel this morning with you guys... You'd bought me presents, a cake. There was baby snuggles, I--"
I didn't notice the look on Angel's face. I felt his body stiffen and I gasped, "Two years?!" I shrugged Angel's arm off then, started to pace. So much must have happened. "Two years." I repeated slowly, "I-- God, where is everybody? Are they all-- They're okay, right? I mean I know we're not living at the hotel any more and... Oh! Connor! Is he walking? What's he like? Is he totally--" I turned to Angel, my enthusiasm dying as I saw the look on his face. I felt like I'd been sucker punched in the stomach.
"Oh God, what?" Please, not that. Please don't tell me that the emptiness I saw in his eyes was that.
Reply
"I-- I was in the hotel this morning with you guys... You'd bought me presents, a cake. There was baby snuggles, I--"
Stiffening, I was at a loss for words. She really thought today was two years ago. Two years. God, so much had happened in just those two years. So much I'd sometimes wish never did happen. It was ironic though, wasn't it? Two years ago today was the day that Cordy had gone into a coma because of her visions. Today, two years later she'd woken up - from a different coma.
"Two years. I-- God, where is everybody? Are they all-- They're okay, right? I mean I know we're not living at the hotel any more and... Oh! Connor! Is he walking? What's he like? Is he totally--"
She pushed my arm off and started to pace back around the room. I didn't blame her for acting like she was. Hell, if I'd been in the same situation I probably wouldn't be handling it this well. I listened to her ask questions. Most of them were about this really being two years from what she remembered and about how everyone was doing. Then it came. Connor. My face fell and I knew I couldn't hide the pained expression on my face that was even stronger on the inside.
Not only did she not know about what had happened over the past few months, but she didn't remember what had happened before she went into that coma. Would she even believe me if I told her? If I told her? Dammit, I couldn't just not tell her.
Sighing, I blinked slowly and then looked at her again when she realized something else was wrong. Something besides it being two years later from what she remembered.
"Everyone's fine," I started. Which was true for the most part. We were all doing alright back at the firm and Connor.. well, he was as happy as he'd ever been. Right? "And no.. no one is living at the hotel any more. But-" I paused, not wanting to go on, but knowing I had to. "Connor is-.. he's- fine. Only a lot has happened since the day you last remember." I sighed. "You haven't been in a coma for two years. It's been several months." I watched her face grow even more confused and worried the more I went on. "I don't know why, but for some reason you don't remember what happened between the time you do remember and.. now."
Reply
Well, going into coma's, I was used to. Vision induced ones? Bring 'em on, I'd both been there, done that and got the t-shirt. But this new one? Just wasn't making any sense.
For starters I'd woken up two years to the day I'd originally went into the damn coma. My birthday, of all days. I then learned that somehow Wolfram and Hart had gotten its hands on my apartment, my Phantom, and sold it for chump change as far as I was concerned because you couldn't put a price on a home with a built-in best friend-ghost, whatever.
And now-- Well, first of all, Angel was lying to me. "Everyone's fine." - yeah-huh, and I didn't just wake up on the wrong end of a coma.
"And no.. no one is living at the hotel any more. But- Connor is-.. he's- fine. Only a lot has happened since the day you last remember."
"Well, duh." I murmured, tilting my head to one side. Was it really all that horrible?
"You haven't been in a coma for two years. It's been several months. I don't know why, but for some reason you don't remember what happened between the time you do remember and.. now."
"Oh." I said finally. I was relieved that Connor was okay, really, but that look in Angel's eyes, the whole vague-uncomfortableness thing he had going on... There was so much more to this than he was letting on, wasn't there?
"So you're saying that something else happened," I said, just to make sure we were on the same page, "Something that I've apparently-- Blocked out?" Was that the right term? Because I didn't remember anything else and I'd only been in a coma for a few months.
"So what was it?" My words felt sluggish. From the look on Angel's face it wasn't something I was going to like remembering, "What?" I asked again, "God, Angel, what? You're making me feel like I did something world-ending or something." I murmured, my skin crawling. What the hell had I done?
Reply
I doubt she meant it the way it sounded, but the truth of the matter was that there were times I'd gladly block out the past two years. Was it possible that's what she had actually done? Her mind backtracked those two years because she wanted to forget?
"God, Angel, what? You're making me feel like I did something world-ending or something."
Glancing down at the floor again, I sighed. When the words 'world-ending' came out of her mouth, my head popped up and looked at her. She didn't realize just how close she was to the truth. Only it hadn't really been her. No, all those weeks it hadn't been her and we hadn't even noticed for one moment that it wasn't.
I rubbed the back of my neck with my fingers, trying to find the right words. There weren't right words for what I had to tell her. Sighing, I looked at her. "For starters? You're probably wondering a little about my wearing a suit." Hell, the last time I'd worn a suit before taking the deal at Wolfram and Hart had been.. well, it had been the night of the ballet. Maybe that was one thing I'd leave out.
Then it hit me. The last day she remembered was the day of her birthday. Before the ballet, before Groo, before Connor coming back, before.. that night we were supposed to meet. It had all happened and she.. she didn't remember a second of it.
"There was, well there was another apocalyse. Surprising huh?" I added a bit sarcastically. "In order to.. god, in order to keep.." This just didn't go back far enough. She'd never fully understand, would she? She wouldn't and that's why no one else fully understood why we were at Wolfram and Hart either. "It was Connor. He's.. he's fine, but not exactly.. he's a few years older than what he.. should be." The expression on her face was hard to see. "In order to.. save him-.. I-.. I made a deal with Wolfram and Hart. I'm their new CEO."
Here come the fireworks.
Reply
"The thought had crossed my mind." I said, biting down on my lip, "Not that you don't look good, 'cause, hey... Wanting you to get with the mixing of colors for years now..."
I felt something then, some sort of pull, deep inside. I'd felt it before, sure. When Darla had shown up, though I'd tried to hide it, I'd wanted to start bitchslapping six ways from Sunday. Funny thing was I didn't know who to hit first - Angel for sleeping with her or Darla for taking him away from me.
What it meant now, I didn't know, but I wasn't exactly falling over myself to get into it 'cause, hey, Angel.
"There was, well there was another apocalyse. Surprising huh?"
Surprising? Not really. There was always another apocalypse, always another evil to fight-- But that didn't explain why Angel was currently getting with the wearing of the power suits, or what had happened these past two years that I'd, like, repressed or whatever.
"In order to.. god, in order to keep.. It was Connor. He's.. he's fine, but not exactly.. he's a few years older than what he.. should be. In order to.. save him-.. I-.. I made a deal with Wolfram and Hart. I'm their new CEO."
I sank down on the bed behind me, my mouth going dry. Wolfram and Hart, Connor was a few years-- What?
"Okay, could you repeat that without the crazy?" I asked, blinking, "Because I'm almost certain you just said that you were the new CEO of Hell Incorporated."
He didn't blink. He didn't even flinch. I took in the power suit, the set of his jaw, the look in his eyes... And the entire world that didn't make sense began to crumble right in front of me.
"Are you crazy?!" I yelled, "What the hell could have-- What in the hell-- Are you nuts? Because seriously, if this is what you're doing these days I'd rather you go back and, like, bone Darla or whatever." And there was a flash of something I couldn't read in his eyes, a look that I couldn't place.
I felt sick. Not only was this not my Angel? But I also couldn't read this Angel, I didn't know him. Wolfram and Hart... He worked for Wolfram and Hart, he ran the goddamn place and he expected, what, that I'd understand when I woke up? That I'd pat him on the back and tell him he'd done the right thing?
"What happened?" I asked him, folding my hands in my lap. I was actually shaking. "How could they possibly make you think that working for them--" God. God. He worked for them? Angel? My Angel? The one who always did what was right, no matter what that was. Who fought no matter how much the odds were stacked against him.
He worked for Wolfram and Hart?
"What happened?" I repeated, "Connor-- You said that it was for him. What did you mean older?"
Reply
She sat down on the bed and I just looked at her. I pushed my hands into my pockets and watched her let what I'd just told her sink in. The bad part about it all? My working at Wolfram and Hart wasn't the half of it. In fact, it was probably the easiest news she'd hear from me in my little tale of the last two years.
"Are you crazy?! What the hell could have-- What in the hell-- Are you nuts? Because seriously, if this is what you're doing these days I'd rather you go back and, like, bone Darla or whatever."
I winced slightly at her statement. A part of me wanted to lash back out at her and tell her that no, it wasn't me who did the boning this time. A close relation, yes - but not me.
But I couldn't do that. She didn't deserve that at all. She deserved to know the truth and I'd give it to her no matter how much it hurt to bring up the memories I'd tried to push away and no matter how much it killed me to see the look on her face when I told her what had happened.
"How could they possibly make you think that working for them-- What happened? Connor-- You said that it was for him. What did you mean older?"
I moved to stand in front of her, my head and eyes lowered. Sighing a little, I looked at her. "Not long after your birthday..the one you remember," I started out softly and slowly which was mostly for my sake. "Holtz decided he wasn't finished. Wesley-," I winced again, reliving the memory all over again. "He found a prophecy. It said I was going to kill Connor. Except it wasn't true. The prophecy was false, but we.. he didn't know that until after.." I looked away from her. "Until after Holtz took Connor and jumped into a portal. He jumped into a portal taking my son to hell with him."
Not stopping long enough for her to speak, if she even could right now, I went on. If I didn't get this out now and in one try I'd never be able to. "A few weeks later he came back, Connor did. Except he wasn't a baby. He was a teenager-.. and he-.. he hated me."
"More than a year later.. a few months ago, just after you went into the coma again.. he-.. Connor went-.. he was so messed up. He was even going to kill-" I looked up at her, pausing. "He had a bomb strapped to his chest. We'd just defeated the latest apocalyse and apparently Wolfram and Hart wanted to give us a pat on the back. They offered the LA branch as a 'reward'," I said with an eyeroll. For a moment, I looked at her and paused. There was plenty I'd left out and no doubt would probably tell her eventually, but this I constantly second guessed myself for. Should I have taken the deal? Should I have let Connor possibly kill all of those people and possibly her?
"They gave Connor a family. New memories, new.. parents. He doesn't remember me, you, Holtz, or anyone else - and no one remembers him. Except me and you. That's why I took the deal."
Reply
And then he said that he worked for Wolfram and Hart, the place that we'd been fighting for the past three years. Not only worked for, but practically ran the place, since he was all CEO and everything. It explained the suit. It didn't explain why he was working there.
"What happened?" I asked, unsure that I wanted to know the answer. I'd obviously blocked it all out for reasons that were beyond me right now, did I really want to uncover all of that?
"Not long after your birthday..the one you remember, Holtz decided he wasn't finished. Wesley- He found a prophecy. It said I was going to kill Connor. Except it wasn't true. The prophecy was false, but we.. he didn't know that until after.. Until after Holtz took Connor and jumped into a portal. He jumped into a portal taking my son to hell with him."
I stared at Angel horrified, not sure which part to start trying to process. There was a prophecy that said Angel would kill his son? And Holtz... He'd taken the baby, how? We'd always been so careful. How in the name of hell had he got even a little close? How--
Angel continued. His voice was soft but the look on his face tore my heart in two. Talking about it meant reliving it. I was the lucky one. I didn't remember. I remembered the good stuff, feeding Connor, lying with him and Angel - it was all yesterday to me. But for Angel, that was a long way off. Two years. And there'd been so much more happening, so much that I couldn't even begin to understand, not yet.
His son had been taken to hell by the one man who'd sworn revenge for something that Angelus had done a long time ago. Taken to hell because of some stupid-ass prophecy and brought back a teenager. A teenager that hated Angel. God. "He hated you? But..."
There was more. Although why was I surprised? There was always more. Connor hated Angel, I'd fallen into another coma and then Connor had got so messed up during the apocalypse that he'd tried killing a bunch of people. And Angel had won Wolfram and Hart, all because he'd saved the world. Again.
"They gave Connor a family. New memories, new.. parents. He doesn't remember me, you, Holtz, or anyone else - and no one remembers him. Except me and you. That's why I took the deal."
Suddenly, I understood. I didn't understand all of it - I wasn't sure that would come for a long time yet - but parts of it were beginning to make sense. "They didn't give Connor new memories," I said quietly, "You did. You took the deal so that... So that he wouldn't remember either? So that he'd have a normal life... Without you." It was so confusing, knowing that there was so much that I didn't understand. But I also realised something. The Angel that I'd been so concerned about, the one I thought I didn't see here any more? He was here in front of me. He'd had a few knocks, had a few strips torn from him, but he was there somewhere.
"I'm so sorry." I said quietly, regretting my earlier words about him boning Darla. Truth was? His boning his sire (dusty, though she was) would probably have been a bonus compared to this. "So much has happened..." And there I went understating things again. "Didn't the Powers give me a heads up about all of this? I mean-- You said I was around, right? That prophecy, Holtz taking the baby-- I never got a vision? Or was that what shunted me into the coma again?" I asked, noting his flinch. "Sorry. I'm being all question girl. I'm just... I'm just trying to understand." I said softly.
Reply
"They didn't give Connor new memories. You did. You took the deal so that... So that he wouldn't remember either? So that he'd have a normal life... Without you."
Closing my eyes, I nodded silently. I'd already told Lilah 'no' hadn't I? Up until that damn phone call and showed Connor on the television screen. I remembered his exact expression. His features, the intense look of his eyes at the camera. Part of me even thought he was looking into that camera and back at me, daring me to stop him.
Stopping him was one thing I was able to do. Not in a way I would have chosen, but I did stop him. I'd killed him. I'd killed my own son. Even when I'd gone there I thought maybe I could change it. I could keep him from going through with what he had planned, but I couldn't. It was either have Connor never know I existed or watch him kill himself and Cordelia.
"I'm so sorry. So much has happened...Didn't the Powers give me a heads up about all of this? I mean-- You said I was around, right? That prophecy, Holtz taking the baby-- I never got a vision? Or was that what shunted me into the coma again? Sorry. I'm being all question girl. I'm just... I'm just trying to understand."
I opened my eyes and turned to look at her only to wince back again at her mentioning where she had been during the whole entire ordeal. The Powers were useless anymore in my opinion. First with Holtz, Wesley, and the prophecy and then later with the Beast and Jasmine. Sure, we all knew about the Beast in advance but that was just an aftermath of what she'd learned when she was a higher power. Even still, she had no idea exactly what was coming. Only that it was coming and it was going to be something like we'd never faced.
I had no idea how long after she got back that it happened, but the Powers wouldn't have bothered to send her a vision would they? Not with someone else controlling the reigns.
"You were there.. part of the time," I admitted. I stared back at the wall in front of me. "Not when We-when Holtz took Connor." The next question was why wasn't she there when Connor was taken. The question after that would be where her handsome prince had run off and why wasn't he here now. All of which were questions I wasn't nearly ready enough to answer yet.
"You took some time off for a while," I said with a sigh and looked at her again. "You were gone when Connor was taken. When he came back you were here, but.. not long after-.." I shook my head. Had the Powers really wanted to take her up there even if they knew what would happen? Were they just as blinded by this as we were? "The night we were supposed to- there was a night.. you became a higher power, Cordy. You went.. and I-.." I looked away from her. "My son sent me to the bottom of the ocean to spend eternity."
Sighing, I went on. "Wesley found me a few months later and not long after you came back, but with no memory of who you were. Once we were finally able to get your memory back, you knew there was bad coming. And there was, we just didn't know how bad or when. I guess it wasn't long before we found out."
Reply
I'd been in a coma for only a few months, apparently repressed the rest - though who could blame me? Angel's son had been taken to hell by someone who detested Angel-- And I could just imagine how that would have gone, how Holtz would have turned Connor against him. And then there was the rest of it. Connor going crazy, strapping a bomb to himself and Angel, not far off crazy when faced with the death of his son, taking on Wolfram and Hart.
Now this.
"You took some time off for a while, you were gone when Connor was taken. When he came back you were here, but.. not long after-.."
"I took some time off?" I repeated, gazing at him, "How come?" Sure, I was for the whole holiday relaxation thing but not when I had visions or helpless to help. Geez.
"The night we were supposed to- there was a night.. you became a higher power, Cordy. You went.. and I-.. My son sent me to the bottom of the ocean to spend eternity."
Higher what?! My mouth fell open - ironically not the first time it'd done that tonight - and I stared at Angel. "Uh, what?" Higher Power. Higher-- Huh? And Connor had sunk him to the depths of the ocean. To spend eternity, I thought, annoyed. Because that was exactly what not even eight month old children should be doing. Damn Holtz. Damn Holtz for doing all of this, damn me for living through all of this and not remembering, why didn't I remember?
"Wesley found me a few months later and not long after you came back, but with no memory of who you were. Once we were finally able to get your memory back, you knew there was bad coming. And there was, we just didn't know how bad or when. I guess it wasn't long before we found out."
"Well at least I've had a history with memory loss before..." I tried weakly, my smile faltering, "Sounds like we're old friends or something." It was like an onslaught of information, never-ending. I was learning about the bad stuff of the last two years the hard way, forcing myself to, in a way. I had to find out about it now, here, because if I didn't and I found out some other way? It was liable to take what little pieces of sanity I had left and shred it into pieces.
"S-so this bad," I whispered, "Is that why I went back in the coma? 'Cause I'm guessing it was pretty bad, judging by the look on your face."
I reached over and hesitantly slid my hand over his, fingers brushing against the soft material of his way-expensive suit. "It's okay, Angel," I told him softly, "You can tell me. It can't be any worse than it already is, right?" I tried for funny and glib but it just came out hopeful and-- Needy? God, I hated that.
I looked at our surroundings. Having this little heart to heart was depressing enough but in here? God. What were we thinking. "And we should maybe get out of here at some point, 'cause-- Damn."
Reply
Leave a comment