Leaving....
So, I'm leaving for college. Amy's coming over right now to say goodbye, and I still have to get all my shit together to go. There she is!
Well, that was nice of her to come over and say goodbye. I'm really very confused as to what's going to happen after I go to college. It's just far away enough for me to be too lazy to come back and visit often, but I know it's close enough to drive back even every day if I wanted to, as well. I really have no idea how things are going to turn out. I don't like being so oblivious to what's going to happen to things that directly affect my personal life....but somewhere inside of me I feel the exact opposite. I guess that, although this may be cliché, deeper inside of me I find that I want change, and that I like the unexpected, almost adventurous feeling I get knowing this is almost surely the last night I will sleep in my house/room aside from visiting, and that my life will be changing....maybe a lot....maybe more than it ever has. But the surface feeling is what's getting to me know - making me wish I knew what was going to happen so I could see already if I'm going to like this or hate it, or something in between. I guess I'm going against my beliefs on the theory of relativity with that last sentence - maybe it will all even out - but that's just what's in my mind at the moment.
It seems the only stationary thing that constantly makes me (and most other people) happy, is material items. Although short lived - this happiness almost always occurs when I get new things that I want, and I almost always want something new. This makes me think......I wonder if money really is the key to happiness. Maybe all those cheesy movies and parental/friend advice sessions were completely wrong and off-base. I don't really know why I'm thinking this - it isn't even really a complete thought. Ever had the feeling where sometimes you just think of things that kind of feel right, but you know there's some loophole or something wrong in them?
I talked to Dan's friend, Nicole today. She instant messaged me randomly. It made me think of how we got together a few times with John and had a lot of fun. It makes me sad that John is obviously no longer my friend. That's really been bothering me, because I know it's my fault.
I feel weird writing in this journal, because I know that few people read it, and after 4 or 5 phone calls/IM's I could have everyone up to date. This is still easier and more efficient....but sometimes I write as if I were talking to dozens of people (like most you other LJ users), and then I re-read it and realize I'm only typing to the 3 or 4 people that will probably read this. Not to sound depressed about my LJ social status - I really don't care that much. Just a thought.
I kind of like this starting thoughts but not really finishing them thing. I like these small paragraphs instead of big complete one's. I hate finishing up thoughts, because I always get to a point where I know I get the idea of the thought, and I just don't want to think it all the way through to put it into words. Hope that doesn't sound like I'm mentally abnormal or really lazy.....although I guess it could be either.
Hmm, I'll do more of this random thought thing, it's good. I'm sure the post won't flow as well and will skip violently from subject to subject...but like I said: not too many people read this. Hmm....actually, I'll make that interesting: If I get more than 4 comments on this post (all from different people), not including me, I will include the words "Tony is gay" in the subject of my next LJ post. Bring it.
Heh, that's all for now. I get the feeling I say that previous phrase at the end of almost every post.....I always have a hard time ending these posts. Would you guys find it weird if I just kind of dropped off after my last paragraph? For instance, this would make a good example.
Well, that was nice of her to come over and say goodbye. I'm really very confused as to what's going to happen after I go to college. It's just far away enough for me to be too lazy to come back and visit often, but I know it's close enough to drive back even every day if I wanted to, as well. I really have no idea how things are going to turn out. I don't like being so oblivious to what's going to happen to things that directly affect my personal life....but somewhere inside of me I feel the exact opposite. I guess that, although this may be cliché, deeper inside of me I find that I want change, and that I like the unexpected, almost adventurous feeling I get knowing this is almost surely the last night I will sleep in my house/room aside from visiting, and that my life will be changing....maybe a lot....maybe more than it ever has. But the surface feeling is what's getting to me know - making me wish I knew what was going to happen so I could see already if I'm going to like this or hate it, or something in between. I guess I'm going against my beliefs on the theory of relativity with that last sentence - maybe it will all even out - but that's just what's in my mind at the moment.
It seems the only stationary thing that constantly makes me (and most other people) happy, is material items. Although short lived - this happiness almost always occurs when I get new things that I want, and I almost always want something new. This makes me think......I wonder if money really is the key to happiness. Maybe all those cheesy movies and parental/friend advice sessions were completely wrong and off-base. I don't really know why I'm thinking this - it isn't even really a complete thought. Ever had the feeling where sometimes you just think of things that kind of feel right, but you know there's some loophole or something wrong in them?
I talked to Dan's friend, Nicole today. She instant messaged me randomly. It made me think of how we got together a few times with John and had a lot of fun. It makes me sad that John is obviously no longer my friend. That's really been bothering me, because I know it's my fault.
I feel weird writing in this journal, because I know that few people read it, and after 4 or 5 phone calls/IM's I could have everyone up to date. This is still easier and more efficient....but sometimes I write as if I were talking to dozens of people (like most you other LJ users), and then I re-read it and realize I'm only typing to the 3 or 4 people that will probably read this. Not to sound depressed about my LJ social status - I really don't care that much. Just a thought.
I kind of like this starting thoughts but not really finishing them thing. I like these small paragraphs instead of big complete one's. I hate finishing up thoughts, because I always get to a point where I know I get the idea of the thought, and I just don't want to think it all the way through to put it into words. Hope that doesn't sound like I'm mentally abnormal or really lazy.....although I guess it could be either.
Hmm, I'll do more of this random thought thing, it's good. I'm sure the post won't flow as well and will skip violently from subject to subject...but like I said: not too many people read this. Hmm....actually, I'll make that interesting: If I get more than 4 comments on this post (all from different people), not including me, I will include the words "Tony is gay" in the subject of my next LJ post. Bring it.
Heh, that's all for now. I get the feeling I say that previous phrase at the end of almost every post.....I always have a hard time ending these posts. Would you guys find it weird if I just kind of dropped off after my last paragraph? For instance, this would make a good example.