Chapter 20: Marriage
Chapter Summary:
Jin's treacherous love life.
His marriage.
Kame's letter to pi once again.
****
Pi told me, Papa’s status as a celebrity made his love life a difficult one. Or should I say that treacherous was a better term. His relationship with Kamenashi was one good example. In addition, grandfather did not approve of Mama’s decision in marrying Papa.
“It isn’t about right or wrong. Naturally, your grandpa wished for his daughter to have a stable and happy marriage. I think it’s the differences in perception. He is a conservative and careful man… it was difficult for him as well, seeing his daughter giving up a good job in US and choosing to work odd-jobs in Japan instead. And then, she wants to marry a male celebrity who was involved in a gay scandal before” Pi explained the situation to me.
Papa had always been a topic of discussion by the media. It was common seeing his news on the tabloid and entertainment pages. Thus, his marriage had a big impact on the jimusho and the entertainment industry. The media was focusing all about his secret marriage, and that his wife was a talented practitioner in US. Few people knew that he had thought about it over a long time.
Although some artistes do marry at a young age, Papa was the first from the jimusho. They even had an argument over his marriage. Pi told me, Papa is committed and steadfast in relationships. Once he made the decision, he wouldn’t change his mind again.
In Japan, they merely filled up the wedding certificate and invited a few close ones to witness the ceremony. Even their wedding photos were taken many years later in US. Although the wedding was a simple one, Papa was never afraid to admit that he was married whenever somebody asked him about it. He would hold Mama’s hand with ease and say, “She’s my wife, Akanishi Mirai. Please give us your blessings.”
Their wedding photo sat on the small table in the master bedroom. Papa was hugging Mama in that photo and I would always remember her look of bliss then.
****
Dearest Pi,
I read about the redevelopment plans in Sakura. A conglomerate group had bought over the land and they planned to build a high-tech industrial hub there. I took a closer look, and discovered that our old house would be affected as well.
That old Japanese-styled house would be tore down soon. The land would be given a new lease of life; it would become prettier, and more conducive for living…
Doesn’t this feel like what happened between Jin and me?
The old living quarters, the weed by the wall, the gentle spring breeze from the corridor, and that cherry blossom tree in the backyard… all these disappeared for a better future.
I could remember the way Jin hung the laundry. I could remember the affection whenever he touched my hair with his hands. I could remember how he made me happy during our games. When my hair grew too long, he would wrap some old newspaper around my neck and trim my hair for me… Although he was really bad with haircuts, I enjoyed the concentration and effort he put into cutting my hair. I loved to look at him through the mirror whenever he cuts my hair for me.
Jin would hold my hand whenever we went out together. There was a supermarket two streets away and we often shopped for groceries there. Then, we would walk home together. I loved our shadows whenever we held hands and walked home. It seemed as though our shadows were holding hands too.
Once we opened the door, our pet dog, sakura, would come running towards us, shaking her tail eagerly….
Memories like these stayed fresh and vivid in my mind.
We liked each other for so long, and almost missed the chance to confess our love for each other in this lifetime. But Jin was the one who made the move, and it allowed us to catch each other for a moment before we missed the chance to --
Whenever I close my eyes, I could almost smell the cherry blossoms. I could almost hear Jin’s gentle footsteps for fear of waking me up… it’s only now that I’ve learnt that beautiful things do not fade with time.
Instead, they become clearer with time.
Just like how I am still clearly aware that I love him very much till today.
Although it is already an eternal goodbye between us, Jin is still able to affect my emotions. I’m concerned about everything he says, and every expression he makes.
But the more I observe, the more I realized that Jin has changed.
He is deeper, and definitely more mature. He seems… foreign to me now. It’s only when he smiles that I would see the sunshine youthful Jin whom I’m familiar with once again.
I guess people do change with time.
Jin is becoming more like an adult. And I’m getting used to some emotions now.
Maybe ‘getting used’ isn’t the right term to use. I should say, I’ve learnt to face up to some reality. For example, reality such as... I’ll never get to meet Jin again, that Jin is already married, and is going to be a father very soon.
It’s so difficult to imagine Jin being a father.
When I saw his wife with a big belly on the magazine, I thought that Jin’s parents must be very happy. Jin went on with the ‘correct path’ - getting married, having children, expanding his career as an entertainer and not mentioning my name at all… This is the Jin that others did not have to worry about, compared to the Jin who wanted to give up everything just to watch over me.
Jin must be having a blissful life now. I… have also finally stopped feeling bitter and depressed over his change of feelings for me.
Please don't be mistaken. My feelings for him remained the same, I still love him very much. But, I've understood something more important than self-pity.
Even though my body is dying day by day, the love in my heart keeps me going. I’ve learnt to treasure every moment, I’ve learnt not to feel sorry for myself. Pi, I wouldn’t be so fake to say that I’m very happy now… I am still crying nowadays, but my tears aren't pure sorrows like before. It is a vague feeling which is unexplainable. Just like the day when I saw the news of Jin's marriage on the official website of the jimusho… and how I spotted him wearing my earring in his wedding picture. I had the same unexplainable feeling too.
After he returned from US, he took off the earring that I put on for him, and the couple ring we bought together. I thought he was really prepared to forget about me and move on with life. I didn’t expect him to keep those items. Little did I expect him to get married wearing our earring on his ear too… At that instant, I finally realized that we were both actually trying to escape from our loss of each other… we were both trying our best to cope with this, and trying to bear with this…. And with the passing of time, we’ll eventually learn to accept this fact.
I was once so hurt and despaired that I wished to die faster. But now, I yearned to live as long as possible.
The distance between us isn’t an issue anymore. It doesn’t even matter that I don’t get to be with Jin in this lifetime. I just want to know that Jin is leading a good life now. As long as I know his life is happy and blissful, that is good enough for me.
*****
I'm sorry. i really really sucked at grammar. but microsoft word isn't helping much because there ain't any green underlines.
thank you for all the kind comments up till now.
i'm very touched and happy that all of you enjoyed the fic.
i guess we're all emotionally masochistic eh. :P
i'll try to reply to every comment because they are all very impt to me~
i'll update new chapters tmr for harukana. ;)
updated: chapter 21: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/8320.html
Jin's treacherous love life.
His marriage.
Kame's letter to pi once again.
****
Pi told me, Papa’s status as a celebrity made his love life a difficult one. Or should I say that treacherous was a better term. His relationship with Kamenashi was one good example. In addition, grandfather did not approve of Mama’s decision in marrying Papa.
“It isn’t about right or wrong. Naturally, your grandpa wished for his daughter to have a stable and happy marriage. I think it’s the differences in perception. He is a conservative and careful man… it was difficult for him as well, seeing his daughter giving up a good job in US and choosing to work odd-jobs in Japan instead. And then, she wants to marry a male celebrity who was involved in a gay scandal before” Pi explained the situation to me.
Papa had always been a topic of discussion by the media. It was common seeing his news on the tabloid and entertainment pages. Thus, his marriage had a big impact on the jimusho and the entertainment industry. The media was focusing all about his secret marriage, and that his wife was a talented practitioner in US. Few people knew that he had thought about it over a long time.
Although some artistes do marry at a young age, Papa was the first from the jimusho. They even had an argument over his marriage. Pi told me, Papa is committed and steadfast in relationships. Once he made the decision, he wouldn’t change his mind again.
In Japan, they merely filled up the wedding certificate and invited a few close ones to witness the ceremony. Even their wedding photos were taken many years later in US. Although the wedding was a simple one, Papa was never afraid to admit that he was married whenever somebody asked him about it. He would hold Mama’s hand with ease and say, “She’s my wife, Akanishi Mirai. Please give us your blessings.”
Their wedding photo sat on the small table in the master bedroom. Papa was hugging Mama in that photo and I would always remember her look of bliss then.
****
Dearest Pi,
I read about the redevelopment plans in Sakura. A conglomerate group had bought over the land and they planned to build a high-tech industrial hub there. I took a closer look, and discovered that our old house would be affected as well.
That old Japanese-styled house would be tore down soon. The land would be given a new lease of life; it would become prettier, and more conducive for living…
Doesn’t this feel like what happened between Jin and me?
The old living quarters, the weed by the wall, the gentle spring breeze from the corridor, and that cherry blossom tree in the backyard… all these disappeared for a better future.
I could remember the way Jin hung the laundry. I could remember the affection whenever he touched my hair with his hands. I could remember how he made me happy during our games. When my hair grew too long, he would wrap some old newspaper around my neck and trim my hair for me… Although he was really bad with haircuts, I enjoyed the concentration and effort he put into cutting my hair. I loved to look at him through the mirror whenever he cuts my hair for me.
Jin would hold my hand whenever we went out together. There was a supermarket two streets away and we often shopped for groceries there. Then, we would walk home together. I loved our shadows whenever we held hands and walked home. It seemed as though our shadows were holding hands too.
Once we opened the door, our pet dog, sakura, would come running towards us, shaking her tail eagerly….
Memories like these stayed fresh and vivid in my mind.
We liked each other for so long, and almost missed the chance to confess our love for each other in this lifetime. But Jin was the one who made the move, and it allowed us to catch each other for a moment before we missed the chance to --
Whenever I close my eyes, I could almost smell the cherry blossoms. I could almost hear Jin’s gentle footsteps for fear of waking me up… it’s only now that I’ve learnt that beautiful things do not fade with time.
Instead, they become clearer with time.
Just like how I am still clearly aware that I love him very much till today.
Although it is already an eternal goodbye between us, Jin is still able to affect my emotions. I’m concerned about everything he says, and every expression he makes.
But the more I observe, the more I realized that Jin has changed.
He is deeper, and definitely more mature. He seems… foreign to me now. It’s only when he smiles that I would see the sunshine youthful Jin whom I’m familiar with once again.
I guess people do change with time.
Jin is becoming more like an adult. And I’m getting used to some emotions now.
Maybe ‘getting used’ isn’t the right term to use. I should say, I’ve learnt to face up to some reality. For example, reality such as... I’ll never get to meet Jin again, that Jin is already married, and is going to be a father very soon.
It’s so difficult to imagine Jin being a father.
When I saw his wife with a big belly on the magazine, I thought that Jin’s parents must be very happy. Jin went on with the ‘correct path’ - getting married, having children, expanding his career as an entertainer and not mentioning my name at all… This is the Jin that others did not have to worry about, compared to the Jin who wanted to give up everything just to watch over me.
Jin must be having a blissful life now. I… have also finally stopped feeling bitter and depressed over his change of feelings for me.
Please don't be mistaken. My feelings for him remained the same, I still love him very much. But, I've understood something more important than self-pity.
Even though my body is dying day by day, the love in my heart keeps me going. I’ve learnt to treasure every moment, I’ve learnt not to feel sorry for myself. Pi, I wouldn’t be so fake to say that I’m very happy now… I am still crying nowadays, but my tears aren't pure sorrows like before. It is a vague feeling which is unexplainable. Just like the day when I saw the news of Jin's marriage on the official website of the jimusho… and how I spotted him wearing my earring in his wedding picture. I had the same unexplainable feeling too.
After he returned from US, he took off the earring that I put on for him, and the couple ring we bought together. I thought he was really prepared to forget about me and move on with life. I didn’t expect him to keep those items. Little did I expect him to get married wearing our earring on his ear too… At that instant, I finally realized that we were both actually trying to escape from our loss of each other… we were both trying our best to cope with this, and trying to bear with this…. And with the passing of time, we’ll eventually learn to accept this fact.
I was once so hurt and despaired that I wished to die faster. But now, I yearned to live as long as possible.
The distance between us isn’t an issue anymore. It doesn’t even matter that I don’t get to be with Jin in this lifetime. I just want to know that Jin is leading a good life now. As long as I know his life is happy and blissful, that is good enough for me.
*****
I'm sorry. i really really sucked at grammar. but microsoft word isn't helping much because there ain't any green underlines.
thank you for all the kind comments up till now.
i'm very touched and happy that all of you enjoyed the fic.
i guess we're all emotionally masochistic eh. :P
i'll try to reply to every comment because they are all very impt to me~
i'll update new chapters tmr for harukana. ;)
updated: chapter 21: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/8320.html