Chapter 13: Voyage
Chapter summary:
Jin recovered, and daughter!kazumi realised that's because he had promised someone...
daughter!kazumi went on a discovery trip to trace back all akame memories in hokkaido.
kame's letter to pi
***
Chilly winds struck my face as I stepped out the Chitose Airport.
To others, I might have been acting willfully. But I felt that I had to come here personally.
On that rainy night outside the ICU, I asked Pi about Papa’s unspoken past.
Before I spoke to Pi, I was thinking if I was right in doing so. Should I know all these past?
When I got to the truth eventually, would I regret having discovered this secret?
I was hesitant about it, but if these doubts weren’t resolved, I could never face Papa proper again. I didn’t wish for this awkwardness to continue... and I didn’t want to continue being in this dilemma.
“We didn’t hide it from you on purpose. Jin just found it difficult to explain such a complicated issue to you through these years. I don’t mind sharing it with you because I believe you’re mature enough to understand. Maybe one day, he’ll tell you about it himself too…”
I thought Pi would just give me a brief summary. But he shared with me everything that he knew.
The night passed in a flash with Pi’s narration of their story which spanned across years. Pi and I remained seated the long benches outside the ward, until the tears on my face dried up and the first rays of the morning sunlight appeared through the windows.
After the long chat, I wished to get in touch with Papa’s teenage dreams, and this wish finally materialized when I got to see Kamenashi’s belonging that were left behind.
After what Pi told me, I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with Papa anymore.
I finally understood why Kamenashi was capable of making Papa missing him for his entire life. I had originally thought that Papa loved him more than he loved anyone else. But I eventually discovered how blissful and happy Papa was with him. That was because he gave Papa a very good and wholesome love experience.
When I was looking through the letters Kamenashi wrote while he was ill, I almost forgot he was only 20 years old then. He could choose to act willfully at that age, right? But he didn’t. His thoughts were clearly expressed through his letters. Even so many years later, I could feel his helplessness as I read through them.
I believed that he must have loved Papa very much. So much that he chose to be mature enough to part with the love of his life.
He ultimately wished that Papa would be fine and happy - Papa knew it too, that’s why he tried his best to fight through the infection.
The doctors said Papa was lucky.
He woke up in the middle of the night, and his first request was to see me.
He had tubes connected to him so he couldn’t speak at all. He merely smiled, and gestured for me to go over to him.
I held his hands and cried. A sense of relief washed over me, and my tears were unstoppable. These tears included Papa’s smile and the secret past of Papa and Kamenashi.
From then on, Papa recovered at an amazing progress. He could breathe normally and also eat his own meals within a short period. Every few days, a tube would be removed from him. After two weeks, Papa was moved to a normal ward again. He was undergoing physiotherapy treatment to train his muscles and reflex after being bed-ridden from a period of time.
Papa smiled and told me that he would recover fully by summer vacation, and we could go on our annual Hokkaido trip.
From his eyes, I could tell that he was looking forward to the trip. Although he looked pale and tired, his eyes had a look of longing in them. I finally realized that it was his determination and longing that made him recover at an amazing pace.
His determination to step on that foreign land again, to look at the vast skies again made him recover.
It wasn’t plain luck.
I didn’t wait for that trip to materialize. When Papa moved home to recuperate, I bought an air ticket to Hokkaido and left Tokyo on my own.
I wanted to experience Papa’s feelings as a teenager… and also Kamenashi’s feelings then. I wanted to know what Papa saw whenever he stood at that hilltop in Hokkaido.
I was unsure what I could get out of my impulse trip. It might be a futile trip, but I knew I had to make this trip no matter what.
In my light luggage were a few light clothing, basic necessities, the old journal that Kamenashi gave to Papa before he left, and… all the letters that Kamenashi wrote to Pi when he was hospitalized.
The cloudless skies seemed so high up and the wind was cool. I zipped up my light cardigan, hailed a cab and embarked on my unknown journey.
****
Dearest Pi,
Jin’s parents and Mr Shimatani came to see me yesterday.
You should know that Jin rejected many very good performance opportunities for my sake. I should be happy because it meant that he has more time to care for me. But when I heard that from Mr Shimatani personally, I felt no happiness at all.
Inevitably, I became a burden to Jin.
Although we were not physically together, I was still a source of distraction to him. Mr Takaguchi is a director that Jin has respected for a long time. That was such a wonderful opportunity, and yet that baka chose to give up…
I have to admit that I’m touched by his decision. I knew he gave that precious opportunity up because of me. But, it wasn't any part of my wish for Jin to become like this because of me.
Jin loves his job so much… he ought to shine on the stage. He deserves better opportunities. Mr Shimatani told me, that was not the first time that Jin rejected work offers. And I never knew about that.
Whenever Jin visited me, he would say that he had no work and was very free. I thought that the jimusho was disappointed in us after the scandal and thus did not make plans to groom Jin for the time being.
I would tell him that he would make it big in the industry. He knew how to write songs and he won awards for acting; he had the potential. People would want to groom him because he was born to be in the industry. In the end, he would be the one consoling me when I get too worried about his future career.
Pi, know something? Jin’s mother cried in front of me yesterday. She was begging me to let go of Jin. She tole me Jin is only in his early 20s and have a bright future ahead of him. If Jin could focus on his career, he would rise to popularity, with opportunities to cut his own albums, and challenging roles in movies.
Mr Shimatani added that if Jin continues behaving like this, he would vanish from the industry within a year. An artiste who is not committed to his work and uncooperative, would not survive in Japan’s entertainment industry.
A year…
Before this, how many years of hard work did Jin put in?
I couldn't rebuke any of their statements. I was with him since young, how would I not know the hard work that he put in?
Mrs Akanishi’s pleas sounded muffled, as though she was talking to me from a distance, “I might do you wrong by saying this. I don’t know what goes on between you boys and your love for each other… but, can you bear to see Jin like this?”
Coulc I? Could I bear to see Jin like that? To see his showbiz career disappear?
I really loved the smile on Jin’s face when he visited me. I loved his smile so much but I couldn't do anything about it. I could only wait for him… I always thought that Jin was mine, but I forgot that he belonged to others too. He, the eldest son of the Akanishi family, the artiste which the jimusho groomed for so many years, and an idol in countless fans’ hearts. There are so many things waiting for him to accomplish. And when I realised that he gave up all these for me, I felt sad.
He loves to sing and he loves to act too. And I knew that he wanted to work with Director Takaguchi for a very long time. Jin spent a lot on time and effort before he could perform on stage.
To those who did not debut like us, Jin seemed like a lucky person. But the public was unaware of the amount of effort invested. But I knew, and I’m sure you knew the amount of hard work Jin had to put in.
The ever-going competition in the jimusho was more intense than anyone outside could imagined. We always pushed ourselves to do better, even to the point of perfection. Injuries from backflips, bruises from wiring, accumulating after one another…. It took a long time to reach to where we were.
Jin was not a born dancer or actor. Imagine how much time he invested and how many things he gave up along the way… He did not get to where he is currently by pure luck. We should know it best since we have been with him since young.
Mr Shimatani wanted me to think about the lives of those that the jimusho gave up on. The type of lives those ‘deserted johnny’s’ lead...
Mrs Akanishi cried, and Mr Akanishi looked at me pleadingly. Although he didn’t say anything, I’m well aware that was the best that he can do after all the atrocities Jin and I created.
After beating about the bush for so long, you should know what I’m thinking of.
I really love Jin very much. A lot, a lot.
But Jin’s only 22 years old. He could do better than this.
If only I’m not around…
i think this chapter's grammar is crappy. i'm kinda braindead from the haze. will try to refine the grammar bit later.
Chapter 14: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/6390.html
Jin recovered, and daughter!kazumi realised that's because he had promised someone...
daughter!kazumi went on a discovery trip to trace back all akame memories in hokkaido.
kame's letter to pi
***
Chilly winds struck my face as I stepped out the Chitose Airport.
To others, I might have been acting willfully. But I felt that I had to come here personally.
On that rainy night outside the ICU, I asked Pi about Papa’s unspoken past.
Before I spoke to Pi, I was thinking if I was right in doing so. Should I know all these past?
When I got to the truth eventually, would I regret having discovered this secret?
I was hesitant about it, but if these doubts weren’t resolved, I could never face Papa proper again. I didn’t wish for this awkwardness to continue... and I didn’t want to continue being in this dilemma.
“We didn’t hide it from you on purpose. Jin just found it difficult to explain such a complicated issue to you through these years. I don’t mind sharing it with you because I believe you’re mature enough to understand. Maybe one day, he’ll tell you about it himself too…”
I thought Pi would just give me a brief summary. But he shared with me everything that he knew.
The night passed in a flash with Pi’s narration of their story which spanned across years. Pi and I remained seated the long benches outside the ward, until the tears on my face dried up and the first rays of the morning sunlight appeared through the windows.
After the long chat, I wished to get in touch with Papa’s teenage dreams, and this wish finally materialized when I got to see Kamenashi’s belonging that were left behind.
After what Pi told me, I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with Papa anymore.
I finally understood why Kamenashi was capable of making Papa missing him for his entire life. I had originally thought that Papa loved him more than he loved anyone else. But I eventually discovered how blissful and happy Papa was with him. That was because he gave Papa a very good and wholesome love experience.
When I was looking through the letters Kamenashi wrote while he was ill, I almost forgot he was only 20 years old then. He could choose to act willfully at that age, right? But he didn’t. His thoughts were clearly expressed through his letters. Even so many years later, I could feel his helplessness as I read through them.
I believed that he must have loved Papa very much. So much that he chose to be mature enough to part with the love of his life.
He ultimately wished that Papa would be fine and happy - Papa knew it too, that’s why he tried his best to fight through the infection.
The doctors said Papa was lucky.
He woke up in the middle of the night, and his first request was to see me.
He had tubes connected to him so he couldn’t speak at all. He merely smiled, and gestured for me to go over to him.
I held his hands and cried. A sense of relief washed over me, and my tears were unstoppable. These tears included Papa’s smile and the secret past of Papa and Kamenashi.
From then on, Papa recovered at an amazing progress. He could breathe normally and also eat his own meals within a short period. Every few days, a tube would be removed from him. After two weeks, Papa was moved to a normal ward again. He was undergoing physiotherapy treatment to train his muscles and reflex after being bed-ridden from a period of time.
Papa smiled and told me that he would recover fully by summer vacation, and we could go on our annual Hokkaido trip.
From his eyes, I could tell that he was looking forward to the trip. Although he looked pale and tired, his eyes had a look of longing in them. I finally realized that it was his determination and longing that made him recover at an amazing pace.
His determination to step on that foreign land again, to look at the vast skies again made him recover.
It wasn’t plain luck.
I didn’t wait for that trip to materialize. When Papa moved home to recuperate, I bought an air ticket to Hokkaido and left Tokyo on my own.
I wanted to experience Papa’s feelings as a teenager… and also Kamenashi’s feelings then. I wanted to know what Papa saw whenever he stood at that hilltop in Hokkaido.
I was unsure what I could get out of my impulse trip. It might be a futile trip, but I knew I had to make this trip no matter what.
In my light luggage were a few light clothing, basic necessities, the old journal that Kamenashi gave to Papa before he left, and… all the letters that Kamenashi wrote to Pi when he was hospitalized.
The cloudless skies seemed so high up and the wind was cool. I zipped up my light cardigan, hailed a cab and embarked on my unknown journey.
****
Dearest Pi,
Jin’s parents and Mr Shimatani came to see me yesterday.
You should know that Jin rejected many very good performance opportunities for my sake. I should be happy because it meant that he has more time to care for me. But when I heard that from Mr Shimatani personally, I felt no happiness at all.
Inevitably, I became a burden to Jin.
Although we were not physically together, I was still a source of distraction to him. Mr Takaguchi is a director that Jin has respected for a long time. That was such a wonderful opportunity, and yet that baka chose to give up…
I have to admit that I’m touched by his decision. I knew he gave that precious opportunity up because of me. But, it wasn't any part of my wish for Jin to become like this because of me.
Jin loves his job so much… he ought to shine on the stage. He deserves better opportunities. Mr Shimatani told me, that was not the first time that Jin rejected work offers. And I never knew about that.
Whenever Jin visited me, he would say that he had no work and was very free. I thought that the jimusho was disappointed in us after the scandal and thus did not make plans to groom Jin for the time being.
I would tell him that he would make it big in the industry. He knew how to write songs and he won awards for acting; he had the potential. People would want to groom him because he was born to be in the industry. In the end, he would be the one consoling me when I get too worried about his future career.
Pi, know something? Jin’s mother cried in front of me yesterday. She was begging me to let go of Jin. She tole me Jin is only in his early 20s and have a bright future ahead of him. If Jin could focus on his career, he would rise to popularity, with opportunities to cut his own albums, and challenging roles in movies.
Mr Shimatani added that if Jin continues behaving like this, he would vanish from the industry within a year. An artiste who is not committed to his work and uncooperative, would not survive in Japan’s entertainment industry.
A year…
Before this, how many years of hard work did Jin put in?
I couldn't rebuke any of their statements. I was with him since young, how would I not know the hard work that he put in?
Mrs Akanishi’s pleas sounded muffled, as though she was talking to me from a distance, “I might do you wrong by saying this. I don’t know what goes on between you boys and your love for each other… but, can you bear to see Jin like this?”
Coulc I? Could I bear to see Jin like that? To see his showbiz career disappear?
I really loved the smile on Jin’s face when he visited me. I loved his smile so much but I couldn't do anything about it. I could only wait for him… I always thought that Jin was mine, but I forgot that he belonged to others too. He, the eldest son of the Akanishi family, the artiste which the jimusho groomed for so many years, and an idol in countless fans’ hearts. There are so many things waiting for him to accomplish. And when I realised that he gave up all these for me, I felt sad.
He loves to sing and he loves to act too. And I knew that he wanted to work with Director Takaguchi for a very long time. Jin spent a lot on time and effort before he could perform on stage.
To those who did not debut like us, Jin seemed like a lucky person. But the public was unaware of the amount of effort invested. But I knew, and I’m sure you knew the amount of hard work Jin had to put in.
The ever-going competition in the jimusho was more intense than anyone outside could imagined. We always pushed ourselves to do better, even to the point of perfection. Injuries from backflips, bruises from wiring, accumulating after one another…. It took a long time to reach to where we were.
Jin was not a born dancer or actor. Imagine how much time he invested and how many things he gave up along the way… He did not get to where he is currently by pure luck. We should know it best since we have been with him since young.
Mr Shimatani wanted me to think about the lives of those that the jimusho gave up on. The type of lives those ‘deserted johnny’s’ lead...
Mrs Akanishi cried, and Mr Akanishi looked at me pleadingly. Although he didn’t say anything, I’m well aware that was the best that he can do after all the atrocities Jin and I created.
After beating about the bush for so long, you should know what I’m thinking of.
I really love Jin very much. A lot, a lot.
But Jin’s only 22 years old. He could do better than this.
If only I’m not around…
i think this chapter's grammar is crappy. i'm kinda braindead from the haze. will try to refine the grammar bit later.
Chapter 14: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/6390.html