Yay.
My hesitant cold has overnight turned into a fully blown head cold. I've tried to get hold of bracke and nazgman to find out if I am still welcome to tag along, but haven't been able to reach either of them. I've left a message on bracke's mobile. I hope they get back to me before the bus leaves.
EDIT: bracke just called me back, and I'm staying home. Her mother's SO has a heart condition and it's too risky to subject him to infectious illnesses.
This means I'll be home alone just like any ordinary day. Don't know why I'm feeling sad and disappointed about that, because I should be used to that by now. Maybe because I spent a lot of time and effort to make Christmas noms and hunt for presents and stuff, and now it's a bit of an anti-climax.
Christmas is kind of a bad time for me in general. I don't have family nearby, and my mother doesn't celebrate Christmas anyway. I have no SO or kids of my own. And on Christmas everyone usually gets very tight-knit and exclusive with their families (bracke and nazgman is a huge exception). And even if you are invited to celebrate with someone else, it's not always easy to come as a guest to another family's celebrations; they all have their own traditions and habits and have very strong ideas about food and activities and How Things Should Be Done. And even though I'm quite content with being single and living on my own the rest of the time, at Christmas the message is really beaten home that YOU SHOULD BE WITH YUR FAMILY AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE ABOUT FELLOWSHIP AND FUN AND GAMES. And at the same time anyone who doesn't have a family, or has a dysfunctional one, is completely shut out. You can't even call people up on Christmas just to have a chat, because they're too busy being familial and fellowshippy. So the loneliness at Christmas is a different kind of loneliness from all the other days of the year. Any other day of the year you can find a friend to talk to or go for a walk with or even just go see a movie by yourself. Any other holiday of the year can be celebrated with friends, in whatever way you like, if you are a social enough creature, but the important thing is that it's possible. With Christmas it's not possible. So even though I like being on my own, at Christmas the loneliness feels like a black hole.
I didn't cut this, because I don't expect anywone will even read it before they've already celebrated Christmas.
EDIT: bracke just called me back, and I'm staying home. Her mother's SO has a heart condition and it's too risky to subject him to infectious illnesses.
This means I'll be home alone just like any ordinary day. Don't know why I'm feeling sad and disappointed about that, because I should be used to that by now. Maybe because I spent a lot of time and effort to make Christmas noms and hunt for presents and stuff, and now it's a bit of an anti-climax.
Christmas is kind of a bad time for me in general. I don't have family nearby, and my mother doesn't celebrate Christmas anyway. I have no SO or kids of my own. And on Christmas everyone usually gets very tight-knit and exclusive with their families (bracke and nazgman is a huge exception). And even if you are invited to celebrate with someone else, it's not always easy to come as a guest to another family's celebrations; they all have their own traditions and habits and have very strong ideas about food and activities and How Things Should Be Done. And even though I'm quite content with being single and living on my own the rest of the time, at Christmas the message is really beaten home that YOU SHOULD BE WITH YUR FAMILY AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE ABOUT FELLOWSHIP AND FUN AND GAMES. And at the same time anyone who doesn't have a family, or has a dysfunctional one, is completely shut out. You can't even call people up on Christmas just to have a chat, because they're too busy being familial and fellowshippy. So the loneliness at Christmas is a different kind of loneliness from all the other days of the year. Any other day of the year you can find a friend to talk to or go for a walk with or even just go see a movie by yourself. Any other holiday of the year can be celebrated with friends, in whatever way you like, if you are a social enough creature, but the important thing is that it's possible. With Christmas it's not possible. So even though I like being on my own, at Christmas the loneliness feels like a black hole.
I didn't cut this, because I don't expect anywone will even read it before they've already celebrated Christmas.