Rawwwr.
Most dramatic week of my life last week. You literally have no idea.
Do you know ANYONE who doesn't like music? Like, NEVER listens to it? I don't think my roommate is human. She doesn't like music or art... Plus she has no regard for other people's feelings and needs. But WHATEVER to that.
I shall now make a list of things that have sucked for the past week:
1. My grandfather had pneumonia last month, and I suppose the doctors at the hospital noticed something icky in his lungs. They diagnosed him with lung cancer on Friday.
2. My roommate refuses to communicate with me and therefore blamed me for several grievances of which I had no knowledge. Hence I refuse to accept responsibility for these menial issues she has with me, including the fact that I listen to music a lot. It bothers her so I must listen to it with headphones on at all times.
3. There's a chance that something completely life-changing will happen to Ally and I. AH?!?!
4. Because of that aforementioned chance, I've had to stop taking my medication for a few days, and it seems I can no longer last more than two days without a panic attack when I'm not on medication.
5. THEN yesterday I realized that the life-changing thing may not be happening, and now I'm very disappointed and upset that it probably isn't because I got used to the idea :-(
6. School makes it extra hard to be in a long-distance relationship, especially when we have an extremely stressful week.
The good news is I'm probably moving out to live with my sister. Makes me happy. We also don't know how serious my grandfather's condition is, so we can still hope the cancer didn't develop until recently and perhaps he still has a chance to survive. On the other hand, he has an eventful life, full of some problems, some luck, and an adoring family. And that life-changing thing can happen some other time, maybe soon, and while it scares me, it will make me incredibly happy. I worry about dependency on my medication... I don't want to be on it forever... But it's been working and that pleases me. I haven't been nearly as depressed as I have been previously. I still have panic attacks, though... I don't know what to think about it.
Lastly, I love Ally so much, and she makes my life so much brighter. I may have doubts when things become a bit rocky because of the distance, but no one will ever mean more to me than she does and I cannot imagine myself with anyone else. It's so reassuring to know that she'll always be here, regardless of how difficult and stubborn I may be when I'm at my worst. I could never let myself touch another person or even dream of touching another person. She is the only one I want.
Being in love is like a splinter in your heart... White blood cells raise your temperature and warms your whole body... And while the splinter aches sometimes when you bump in it the wrong direction, knowing that it will always be stuck in your heart comforts you... And knowing that if it should ever be yanked out it will bleed you dry and brittle scares you to death... This splinter in my heart is worth it all, worth the arguments, worth dying for...
Enough sentiment. I just want to say that despite all that crap from last week, I'm oddly content. :-)
Do you know ANYONE who doesn't like music? Like, NEVER listens to it? I don't think my roommate is human. She doesn't like music or art... Plus she has no regard for other people's feelings and needs. But WHATEVER to that.
I shall now make a list of things that have sucked for the past week:
1. My grandfather had pneumonia last month, and I suppose the doctors at the hospital noticed something icky in his lungs. They diagnosed him with lung cancer on Friday.
2. My roommate refuses to communicate with me and therefore blamed me for several grievances of which I had no knowledge. Hence I refuse to accept responsibility for these menial issues she has with me, including the fact that I listen to music a lot. It bothers her so I must listen to it with headphones on at all times.
3. There's a chance that something completely life-changing will happen to Ally and I. AH?!?!
4. Because of that aforementioned chance, I've had to stop taking my medication for a few days, and it seems I can no longer last more than two days without a panic attack when I'm not on medication.
5. THEN yesterday I realized that the life-changing thing may not be happening, and now I'm very disappointed and upset that it probably isn't because I got used to the idea :-(
6. School makes it extra hard to be in a long-distance relationship, especially when we have an extremely stressful week.
The good news is I'm probably moving out to live with my sister. Makes me happy. We also don't know how serious my grandfather's condition is, so we can still hope the cancer didn't develop until recently and perhaps he still has a chance to survive. On the other hand, he has an eventful life, full of some problems, some luck, and an adoring family. And that life-changing thing can happen some other time, maybe soon, and while it scares me, it will make me incredibly happy. I worry about dependency on my medication... I don't want to be on it forever... But it's been working and that pleases me. I haven't been nearly as depressed as I have been previously. I still have panic attacks, though... I don't know what to think about it.
Lastly, I love Ally so much, and she makes my life so much brighter. I may have doubts when things become a bit rocky because of the distance, but no one will ever mean more to me than she does and I cannot imagine myself with anyone else. It's so reassuring to know that she'll always be here, regardless of how difficult and stubborn I may be when I'm at my worst. I could never let myself touch another person or even dream of touching another person. She is the only one I want.
Being in love is like a splinter in your heart... White blood cells raise your temperature and warms your whole body... And while the splinter aches sometimes when you bump in it the wrong direction, knowing that it will always be stuck in your heart comforts you... And knowing that if it should ever be yanked out it will bleed you dry and brittle scares you to death... This splinter in my heart is worth it all, worth the arguments, worth dying for...
Enough sentiment. I just want to say that despite all that crap from last week, I'm oddly content. :-)