i don't know what to do
I don't understand how I could have this really nice day and in a second it just shatters and it was my own stupid mistake.
Today was just a fine day. I picked up paperwork for my new job (!! I actually was offered a day shift position, which are pretty much non existant for new grads), got a TB test, walked around the mall and the new Barnes and Noble, had crappy Taco Bell for lunch (I was so excited to be having it too, it was sorta disapointing when it was blech), spent forever in Wegmans where I bought both Pecorino Romano and Parmagiano Reggiano because I couldnt decide which I wanted. Made my spaghetti for my HUSBAND and our friend who hurt himself, watched Bones and Reaper and some stuff that we DVR-ed, talked to Fran and Topher, reread the ending of one of my favorite books, watched some of Liverpools historic Champions League win, watched Nightline (which I love for some reason) and then decided to go online.
and try to be friendly. Maybe talk about the awesome Heroes ending last night. But instead of that, I get the same STUPID shit that has been haunting me for almost 5 years. and it still was able to knock me on my ass. and I just feel worthless. I feel unworthy of my wonderful husband, of my friends, of everything. I'm SO ANGRY. I wish I had some reply, I wish I could let you know that you're an awful person, a waste of life. SO full of yourself that you can't see that it's not my problem, it's yours. It's something that I can't have over my head, not anymore. I can't let this power be held over me. I can't let this happen again.
So tomorrow Topher and I will figure out how to let go. I can do this, it will be okay. I just feel empty, drained, exhausted. I hope I can sleep.
Today was just a fine day. I picked up paperwork for my new job (!! I actually was offered a day shift position, which are pretty much non existant for new grads), got a TB test, walked around the mall and the new Barnes and Noble, had crappy Taco Bell for lunch (I was so excited to be having it too, it was sorta disapointing when it was blech), spent forever in Wegmans where I bought both Pecorino Romano and Parmagiano Reggiano because I couldnt decide which I wanted. Made my spaghetti for my HUSBAND and our friend who hurt himself, watched Bones and Reaper and some stuff that we DVR-ed, talked to Fran and Topher, reread the ending of one of my favorite books, watched some of Liverpools historic Champions League win, watched Nightline (which I love for some reason) and then decided to go online.
and try to be friendly. Maybe talk about the awesome Heroes ending last night. But instead of that, I get the same STUPID shit that has been haunting me for almost 5 years. and it still was able to knock me on my ass. and I just feel worthless. I feel unworthy of my wonderful husband, of my friends, of everything. I'm SO ANGRY. I wish I had some reply, I wish I could let you know that you're an awful person, a waste of life. SO full of yourself that you can't see that it's not my problem, it's yours. It's something that I can't have over my head, not anymore. I can't let this power be held over me. I can't let this happen again.
So tomorrow Topher and I will figure out how to let go. I can do this, it will be okay. I just feel empty, drained, exhausted. I hope I can sleep.