And all I can do is try
I went to see Josh the other night. I don't know why, but I had to see him. I took Momma's car and drove out to the base. The only one at the building was that Army guy who was with Maddy when Josh was arrested, the one who beat him to the floor. His name is Jack Morgann, I think he said captain or something. I convince him this was something I had to do. He stood watch while I went in and talk to Josh. At first he was weird, vile but in a different way. Said if we ended up in court he would say that Nick was the one who beat me up. The thought of him doing that to Nick made me sick. I finally gave up. Thats when he said that I kept fooling myself about him and that no matter how many time he kicks me I keep crawling back for more. That I asked for it and he was happy to do it. I was so close to saying he was right, I did keep going back for more. But then it hit me. I never went to him, I never sought him out. I never crawled anywhere near him. This was all him. And I told him so. He seemed shocked and couldn't come up with a sick reply. Except to yell for Jack saying I was making stuff up. I really don't think Jack would have believed him. I left telling him to stay away from me and the people I love. And for the first time I walk away from him and I was okay. I wasn't scared. For real, not the fake bravado I've had before.
I took the car back and I don't think Momma noticed I had snuck out. Yesterday was spent packing and saying goodbye to my family. I will miss the girls. Especially Gabby. I don't know how long we'll be gone. But I don't think I could make it if I had to go with them and be seperated from Nick. I'm thankful to the Bakers for letting me come with them. We left today and headed for San Diego. The Bakers and the Oneils rented a house. I'm sharing a room with Amber and Jordan. Um yeah. I don't know if I'm fit for company right now. Let alone sharing a room with girls I don't really know that well.
I had to call Willow. I needed to tell her what I did to all the vamps. That I made a wish to a vengeance demon and wished their souls away. I know it's made things worse. She tried to say that it was okay, to make me feel better. But I know its bad. She said she would keep in touch when she could, but that she was off to research now. I feel guilty for making things worse, but on the other hand I didn't know I was actually making a wish.
I helped with the unpacking and with the dinner stuff and then I looked for a place to hide out. I'm just so used to being by myself or with Nick. I really get to feeling closed in when all those people are around. I know I need to talk to Nick to tell him what happened. He may not be happy about the things I've done. I don't know I'm tired of hiding. I don't know if I'll ever be a hundred percent. But I am beginning to realize that there may be some things that I am not guilty of. I just..it's time.
I took the car back and I don't think Momma noticed I had snuck out. Yesterday was spent packing and saying goodbye to my family. I will miss the girls. Especially Gabby. I don't know how long we'll be gone. But I don't think I could make it if I had to go with them and be seperated from Nick. I'm thankful to the Bakers for letting me come with them. We left today and headed for San Diego. The Bakers and the Oneils rented a house. I'm sharing a room with Amber and Jordan. Um yeah. I don't know if I'm fit for company right now. Let alone sharing a room with girls I don't really know that well.
I had to call Willow. I needed to tell her what I did to all the vamps. That I made a wish to a vengeance demon and wished their souls away. I know it's made things worse. She tried to say that it was okay, to make me feel better. But I know its bad. She said she would keep in touch when she could, but that she was off to research now. I feel guilty for making things worse, but on the other hand I didn't know I was actually making a wish.
I helped with the unpacking and with the dinner stuff and then I looked for a place to hide out. I'm just so used to being by myself or with Nick. I really get to feeling closed in when all those people are around. I know I need to talk to Nick to tell him what happened. He may not be happy about the things I've done. I don't know I'm tired of hiding. I don't know if I'll ever be a hundred percent. But I am beginning to realize that there may be some things that I am not guilty of. I just..it's time.