[Fanmixes] Mello and Mello/Matt
Not As We - Alanis Morissette
Eyes wet toward,
Wide open frayed.
If God's taking bets,
I pray he wants to lose.
Day one, day one - start over again.
[Link]
Nothing Walks Away - Terami Hirsch
I can't move past this wall
I give it meaning when it means nothing at all
I want to divide it to make it fall
I want to burn it to the ground
But I still feel it racing in my veins
But when I let go
Nothing walks away
[Link]
Crimes - A Perfect Circle
One...two...three
Four...five...six
Seven...eight...nine
Nine...nine...nine
Ten...ten...ten...ten.
[Link]
Personal Jesus - Marilyn Manson
Take second best,
Put me to the test.
Things on your chest
We need to confess.
I will deliver,
You know, I'm a forgiver.
Reach out and touch faith.
[Link]
My Revenge on the World - Ayria
One, Two, I'll start with you because you had the most to lose
Three, Four, on the ground, humanity is going down
Five, Six, now attack, this time with no touchbacks
Seven, Eight, in spite... what's our tally?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten --
All bets are off. This time we're shutting off.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten --
And now, that's right,
You all fall down.
Taking my attack stance right now
Making sure you all get knocked down
Don't try anything that gets in my way
This time no one gets a say.
[Link]
Let the Flames Begin - Paramore
What a shame we all became such fragile, broken things.
A memory remains, just a tiny spark, I give it all my oxygen.
To let the flames begin.
So let the flames begin
Oh glory, Oh glory
This is how we'll dance when,
When they try to take us down.
This is what will be, oh glory!
[Link]
Burn - Three Days Grace
I'll tell you now you can't win this,
'Cause you're way too slow.
I'll tell you now I'm gonna take this.
Did you come here to watch me,
Watch me burn?
I'll let it show that I'm not always hiding.
Come all the way down and watch me burn.
I won't let it show that I'm not always flying.
So on the way down, I'll watch you burn.
[Link]
Rocket Collecting - Milla Jovavich
Watch you as you douse the ceiling
Light up all the evil dreams
Till they ignite screaming into the night
And we run away clean.
I wish I was half electronic.
The last shreds of skin are in the sweet sunlight.
And I've turned into this smiling, snarling monster
As I watch the walls descend,
As I watch the walls descend like stars.
[Link]
The Package - A Perfect Circle
Clever got me this far, then tricky got me in.
Eye on what I'm after, I don't need another friend.
Smile and drop the cliche, till you think I'm listening.
I take just what I came for, then I'm out the door again.
Delivering a package, don't care to settle in.
Time to feed the monster, I don't need another friend.
Comfort is a mystery, crawling out of my own skin.
Just give me what I came for, then I'm out the door again.
[Link]
Blood and Milk - Saltillo
True, I'm nervous
But why do you think I'm mad?
My senses are very strong and my hearing is extremely acute.
Does that make me mad?
[Link]
So So Suicide - Finger Eleven
Don't bother pretending I seem fine.
I like that I'm a mess.
I can't stand it much longer in my head --
I think it's time for bullets.
[Link]
Hero Life - Pet
Time to make a peace - pig pile forgiveness
Let it go, get on with business.
It's time.
Now I'm ready
To live my mighty
Big high
Hero life.
[Link]
The Bitter End - Placebo
From the time we intercepted,
Feels a lot like suicide.
Slow and sad, come in silence.
Arise a bitter mine,
See you at the bitter end.
[Link]
[.zip with all songs]
Song Choice
This probably says a lot more about my particular take on Mello than Mello in a strict sense, but what are you going to do? Interpretation is fun?
Not as We: For his departure from Wammy's House, and the difficult times that followed. For learning how to live outside the comfort of that Winchester Mansion, and for thinking of himself as himself again rather than as one of the orphans, or part of the succession. At least to the degree that he was ever able to make that transition.
Nothing Walks Away: If there's a song on this mix that I regard as the themesong of Mello-as-I-see-him, it's this one. ...also one of my favorite songs ever. For the inability to move on, for being beautiful and fierce, and destructive and relentless.
Crimes: Counting up one's sins.
Personal Jesus: For sarcasm and faith, for the need to prove oneself, for being second best and for being a cynic.
My Revenge on the World: Because this is a man who blackmailed the President of the United States using nuclear war as a bargaining chip, and masterminded a slaughter of the SPK members just to cripple his opponent. For being warped by one's own excessive ambition, and for the anger it brings when you can't let it go. For literally killing everything in your path even if it is, as they say in the song, in spite of all (your) instincts.
Let the Flames Begin: For dancing in the face of destruction, and seeing the face of God in the flames.
Burn: For Near.
Rocket Collecting: For Matt. And for Mello himself, because he does not lack self-awareness, and because even monsters can have friends.
The Package: For Halle, for being a manipulative user, for never caring (or saying that you don't).
Blood and Milk: Because sometimes he seems like a madman, and because the question is still open to debate.
So So Suicide: Because eventually we arrive at acceptance. For madness and obsession, the functionality of both, and no longer caring what it takes.
Hero Life: For Mello, and what he sees (and what he thinks) when he mounts his motorbike for the last time, pulls on his helmet, and says goodbye.
The Bitter End: For goodbye.
Back to the Start - Terami Hirsch
Oh, this is a story about to end
And there is nothing I can do.
Hit rewind, and I am feeling fine
Driving blind down the avenue.
All of the trees are missing their leaves,
And skeletons line the road,
Dancing in the bitter breeze. I am not going home.
I am not going home.
[Link]
Starlight - Muse
Far away, this ship has taken me far away,
Far away from the memories of the people who care if I live or die
A starlight - I will be chasing a starlight,
Until the end of my life.
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
My life, you electrify my life.
Let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive.
[Link]
Long Was the Year - Broadcast
Long was the year.
Will you stay now you're here?
Be like the sun, never gone.
Sleep long and fast - let the past be the past.
You're like the snow, never know.
Long was the path, will you stay now you're back?
Be like the sun never gone.
[Link]
Number One - Catlow
You know its gonna leave a scar
You're gonna bring the mad looks down.
And I am, I am, I am, the one to show you.
You're gonna make it right.
You're gonna stain the bad things good.
We're gonna take off,
and never break up
and it won't end, won't end pretty.
[Link]
Falling On - Finger Eleven
You've got to find your balance, you've got to realize
You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes.
And if you find you've fallen, and all your grace is gone,
Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on.
[Link]
Somehow We Get There - Melissa Ferrick
And somehow we get there through the blind night.
We've got the white lines flashing past the tips of our headlights.
Somehow we get there from wherever we are,
And you know, somehow we get there,
No matter how far.
So hold my head while I rock myself back to sleep,
And I'll tell you that I'm not easy,
And you'll tell me that I am sweet.
[Link]
Asleep in the Back - Elbow
Were you crushed? Did I rush you?
All my time is yours.
My twisted heart is yours.
The faithless shit is yours.
The shameless fits of love,
That only smother you for moments
Till I fold them up and leave.
All yours.
[Link]
Suede - Tori Amos
I'm sure that you've been briefed.
My absorption lines, they are frayed and I fear
My fear is greater than my faith.
But I walk the missionary way.
You always felt like suede.
There are days I am your twin, peek-a-boo, hiding underneath your skin.
And jets are revving, yes, revving from an ether twist.
[Link]
A Single Explosion - Matthew Good
I dreamt last night I saw you -
A single spark explosion,
Negotiating with the dead by the bright lights in some ICU.
On my chest you put your head and said,
"There you are.
"There you are.
"There's my heart"
[Link]
Fire - John Jackson
3am, wires jumping, wires talking on the newsfeed.
And it uses you and it bruises you as it kicks you out of eden.
I get tired, I get hungry, I'm frightened all the time.
I get wired, I get angry,
I set myself on fire.
You don't want the things that we want and
You don't know the things that we know.
You go play with things that we hate,
You can't go the places we go.
[Link]
Mouth (Stingray Remix) - Bush
You gave me this - made me give.
Your silver grin, still sticking it in.
You have some machine - soul of machine.
The longest kiss, feeling furniture days
Drift madly to you, pollute my heart; drain.
You have broken in me.
Broken me.
All your mental armor drags me down.
Nothing hurts like your mouth.
[Link]
Jewellery Box - Juniper
I scratched your car where the bird left a stain.
But I only wanted to help you see straight.
But like a half broken moon, sooner than soon,
I was up on your wall, taller than tall,
In a half painted frame, where the wood wouldn't stain.
And I hope that reminds you of the part you couldn't change in me.
[Link]
Wrestle and Cuss - Heather Duby
Take it, take heart -
This was your rehearsal for nothing but a bit part.
Take it, take heart -
You are just another something i should not start.
Take this, my heart -
We and all my problems bored you from the upstart.
Take these, my hands -
Something to rely on in a time without plans.
So just be still and tell me that you're mine -
Past all the reasons, past all the lies.
(Couldn't be right, incidental passtime,
Telling me goodnight - pretending its the last time.
This is nothing like anything i wanted wanted
Wanted to believe)
Take this. Take heart.
[Link]
[.zip with all songs]
Song Choice
It's always challenging to do a mix for a non-canon pairing because I have to break my cardinal rule, which is "don't make up stories, just tell it like it is." (of course I tend to break that rule anyway but in a more subtle, or at least smaller, way.) Still, here we go.
Back To The Start: When I listen to this song, I think of Mello on his motorbike and Matt in that sexy red car, and how they're both going on suicide missions (even if only one of them knows it). I think of Mello's acceptance, placid if somewhat regretful, and how the world looks when you know it's the last time you'll see it. So we begin at the ending, and then follow the directions of the song by hitting rewind, going back to the start.
Starlight: In honor of Mello's departure from the house, leaving behind everyone who cares about him, and leaving behind someone who found Mello a little more exciting than games.
Long was the Year: The inevitable reunion, with its quiet resentments and insecurities and happiness.
Number One: Included for anarchy, and for laughing in the face of fear.
Falling On: Best friends forever.
Somehow We Get There: So here you are, and you're driving at night in a strange country, and the streetlights are like lines of little stars lining the black roads. Somewhere out there, the most powerful person in the world is out for your blood, which is fair enough since you're also out for his, but it's quiet now and the night is dark and you're not sure where you're going but at least you're not alone...
Asleep in the Back: ...because your best friend (is that what he is?) is asleep in the back.
Suede: On behalf of madness, and Mello's rival - lodged beneath his skin - and Mello's partner - lodged there, too. And because I bet Mello always leaves his silence, silencer on.
A Single Explosion: Mello is hard to be around, harder to care about, because he's erratic and unpredictable, and he blows himself up when he's backed into a corner. Sometimes you've got to worry about him.
Fire: Restless and driven and elitist.
Mouth: For tension, for lust, for smothering in Mello's intensity, and for the cold edge inside the heart of every child coming out of that House.
Jewellery Box: When you can't change things, who you are and what you've done, and you know you have to say goodbye, the only rational thing to do is apologize, even if it is for nothing. Just to say the words. Just to let him know.
Wrestle and Cuss: For things that should have lasted. A look back from beginning to end, because maybe they should have never begun, but then again, they would never go back.
* * *
Notes
Told you I didn't forget!