(no subject)
so perhaps, in the old days, people lived lives where they had to work all the time to have food and if they did not, they died, and then they lived and then they died and their lives seemed insignifcant, with the exception of the moments when they were married, when they had children, when they saw good things, their few celebrations, and that was it. And perhaps now, it is so much better since we have free time and in America, we rarely starve.
And yet I feel life is completely missing something, at least for me, when I go and come and then go back to work and then do the same thing. I feel I put bricks on the tower of babel, which is science, which is something that seems never to help another. There are those who develop drugs for cancer, or whatever, and you can say the sum efforts of science has lengthened our life, made us healthier, and made life better. Yet it still feels so much is missing.
I ride a bus home and my life is devoid of excitement of any sort. No reason exists to get up tomorrow, in the figurative sense (in the literal sense, it does, since I'm getting away from all of this annoyance). It's just more of the same, more of the exact same, and the motivation that I normally had, which was something linked to emotion, is now close to nothing, it's just whatever. I can sum so much of these things up in words such as eh, meh, bah, or the such. This is the world we have made. This is the brave new world.
As we are in the beginning of such a new world, we only make our excitement. We desperately do something to shake it up. People do the stupidest things sometimes to shake it up, jump out of airplanes for fun, they drink just to get drunk, do drugs, etc. It's because the world has removed all the thrill and all the excitement in life. Where does it come from?
Love is excitement. Building is excitement. Creation, discovery is excitement. Crappy advisors is not excitement. The same thing each day is not excitement. Boredom of the greatest degree is not excitement. And I don't know what makes it more thrilling. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to be in a box anymore. It's sad that all the people I see, I assume that they are little more than empty space, things that move but do not feel. When I get to know them, they all feel and they all have a heart, but there's that disconnect. I have yet to discover a person, that is what love perhaps could be. I have yet to create anything. That is what I want to do. And the research, is that discovery? No, for I find it strange that the world cares if eye gaze direction affects how we recognize emotions. So what. So what! I could make a career out of this and never find out anything. Why am I where I am? If another door opened tomorrow, to my left or my right, then I would walk in it, perhaps, for I am desperate for change.
But maybe this is the rant of me being so close to burnt out. It doesn't matter anymore.
And yet I feel life is completely missing something, at least for me, when I go and come and then go back to work and then do the same thing. I feel I put bricks on the tower of babel, which is science, which is something that seems never to help another. There are those who develop drugs for cancer, or whatever, and you can say the sum efforts of science has lengthened our life, made us healthier, and made life better. Yet it still feels so much is missing.
I ride a bus home and my life is devoid of excitement of any sort. No reason exists to get up tomorrow, in the figurative sense (in the literal sense, it does, since I'm getting away from all of this annoyance). It's just more of the same, more of the exact same, and the motivation that I normally had, which was something linked to emotion, is now close to nothing, it's just whatever. I can sum so much of these things up in words such as eh, meh, bah, or the such. This is the world we have made. This is the brave new world.
As we are in the beginning of such a new world, we only make our excitement. We desperately do something to shake it up. People do the stupidest things sometimes to shake it up, jump out of airplanes for fun, they drink just to get drunk, do drugs, etc. It's because the world has removed all the thrill and all the excitement in life. Where does it come from?
Love is excitement. Building is excitement. Creation, discovery is excitement. Crappy advisors is not excitement. The same thing each day is not excitement. Boredom of the greatest degree is not excitement. And I don't know what makes it more thrilling. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to be in a box anymore. It's sad that all the people I see, I assume that they are little more than empty space, things that move but do not feel. When I get to know them, they all feel and they all have a heart, but there's that disconnect. I have yet to discover a person, that is what love perhaps could be. I have yet to create anything. That is what I want to do. And the research, is that discovery? No, for I find it strange that the world cares if eye gaze direction affects how we recognize emotions. So what. So what! I could make a career out of this and never find out anything. Why am I where I am? If another door opened tomorrow, to my left or my right, then I would walk in it, perhaps, for I am desperate for change.
But maybe this is the rant of me being so close to burnt out. It doesn't matter anymore.