(no subject)
I need to recontact with people because I've neglected so many of them, doing nothing, dealing with very little, and living in this different world now. People are fading because they post less regularly on here, but that's because they're busy. All this exists for is a waste of time, moments which I could be pounding more knowledge into my brain.
So many people have hurts now that I'm talking to and I really can't speak on them except that I have annoying and dumb moods, ones that incapacitate me, things that make me unable to actually be me. A life of indecision, a life of the paralysing fear of making someone else offended, and I wish I knew where the nexus of this was. I'm going to make things happen one day, I'm going to destroy them and I'm going to rise with a flourish, but I don't know exactly what day that will be.
Frankly, over the last couple of months, social psychology has fallen dramatically on the list of my priorites. Things like friends, family, time alone, time with others, looking at television, relaxing, writing, those kind of things, they have gone up. I realize that we work and we die. I realize that science is little more than any other crappy job, it's like a game and I have the belief that basic scientific research has as much to do with truth as the ramblings as the preschoolers that I get to spend some time with at church. I don't think if what I'm researching is compatible with my thoughts on what is truly real, I used to care, now I realize that it's all a game to get published and such. Most people would say that their views are compatible and one in the same, but they wed themselves to their own perceptions and then let human ego dictate what they think is right. Thus, I think that science is nothing more than dumbness.
But once I do something, it's a great feeling. Anyway, the cold is so bitter here, it's going to be below zero tonight, with the wind chills more than 20 below. Oh, how bitter, why did I willingly choose this mess? I just don't understand it, just can't comprehend it. I miss Virginia, I miss the south so much, where they talk right and don't have terrible winters. Give me that summer heat, I can deal with that. Bah.
So those are the things that are making presence known now. I'm changing a bit, more open. Have a whole lot of work to consume me in the next month or so. Anyway, take care all, I want to talk to you all some eventually.
So many people have hurts now that I'm talking to and I really can't speak on them except that I have annoying and dumb moods, ones that incapacitate me, things that make me unable to actually be me. A life of indecision, a life of the paralysing fear of making someone else offended, and I wish I knew where the nexus of this was. I'm going to make things happen one day, I'm going to destroy them and I'm going to rise with a flourish, but I don't know exactly what day that will be.
Frankly, over the last couple of months, social psychology has fallen dramatically on the list of my priorites. Things like friends, family, time alone, time with others, looking at television, relaxing, writing, those kind of things, they have gone up. I realize that we work and we die. I realize that science is little more than any other crappy job, it's like a game and I have the belief that basic scientific research has as much to do with truth as the ramblings as the preschoolers that I get to spend some time with at church. I don't think if what I'm researching is compatible with my thoughts on what is truly real, I used to care, now I realize that it's all a game to get published and such. Most people would say that their views are compatible and one in the same, but they wed themselves to their own perceptions and then let human ego dictate what they think is right. Thus, I think that science is nothing more than dumbness.
But once I do something, it's a great feeling. Anyway, the cold is so bitter here, it's going to be below zero tonight, with the wind chills more than 20 below. Oh, how bitter, why did I willingly choose this mess? I just don't understand it, just can't comprehend it. I miss Virginia, I miss the south so much, where they talk right and don't have terrible winters. Give me that summer heat, I can deal with that. Bah.
So those are the things that are making presence known now. I'm changing a bit, more open. Have a whole lot of work to consume me in the next month or so. Anyway, take care all, I want to talk to you all some eventually.