(no subject)
It's another day and I feel like I might consider updating it. Unless you have infinitely more people on your thing as friends, you will probably read it, because I am scouring for other people's lives to read. That's a human thing, one that is pretty ingrained, that we like to know about others and ourselves, and perhaps it is a bad thing, but I don't think so. I know of nothing more beautiful and pure in the earth than a human.
I got to work with kids some yesterday at the nursery at church, in the one and a half year old range, so they were mobile and played with toys some and had a few words, but were pre-word explosion. It was great to be there and not have to worry what they thought of you and to be loved by children, ones that know nothing more than a world where things are pure and they could play. Those kids will hit the media soon and they will be corrupted by it, turned into capitalist robots and hedonist slaves, but at one time they were kind and they were entranced by the most simple of human things.
I wish I could be that way. Yet this concept of affective state, it bothers me. I am growing and this is a period of good things, it's just that it's hit a lull. Work hasn't really started up yet. It was great to have work as an excuse to not socialize last semester, because frankly I don't like many of the social people (except Mike) and only a small segment of the cohort that's mature enough to associate with. They're just not the type of person I am. I'm blessed for the friends I do have, that's about it though. I don't care about the ones that are jackasses, they're just their own person and that's what they are.
I just always bemoan how many people there are and how they pass in and out of your life so easily. I saw someone on the elevator coming up here and she was cute, she has a vertical scar above her nose on the top of her forehead, but I felt compassion and want to talk to her and to well, learn about her, and whatever. But she was gone. Many people are like that, they just are gone, and then there are more that are here for a while, then gone. Do we work like dogs to keep our friend network solid or do we just let those relationships that were so fulfilling a year ago just die. It's both, and it's both sadly, and some of the people are falling apart.
I wish I knew everyone and had the ability to see the innate good in everyone, for I think it's there and love will rescue them all. True love, which doesn't probably exist in this world with the exception of perhaps a few people. And why is it in my mind to write the epic that will explain the world, at least according to me? And I have no idea nor no skill to write that, I am perhaps an artist that has great form but poor perspective, or something like that. I can paint a picture of what is there, yet to make up those boring things that string together a story, it's hard. Mine are concise, they are really boiled down, and they're involved.
I'm nervous about wednesday, the first time I've ever flown commercially in my life. It's nervous not because planes crash (so what, I'm dead, I have no worries about the grave), but about luggage, checking, carry-on, layovers, and those other words I have no idea what they mean but I've heard them before.
But whatever. We'll have to figure this out. The shirt I bought and the pants I bought don't match well, I wish I had a nice light pair of slacks and I don't feel like going to buy some after I bought a good dark pair that matched one of my shirts but not the other. I hate clothes, I like the fact that I make a point not to spend much time on my appearance, so I know that people are drawn to me by who I am hopefully and not what I look like. And at least even if I am alone, I can have some solace in knowing that it's not a fake relationship. Perhaps
I got to work with kids some yesterday at the nursery at church, in the one and a half year old range, so they were mobile and played with toys some and had a few words, but were pre-word explosion. It was great to be there and not have to worry what they thought of you and to be loved by children, ones that know nothing more than a world where things are pure and they could play. Those kids will hit the media soon and they will be corrupted by it, turned into capitalist robots and hedonist slaves, but at one time they were kind and they were entranced by the most simple of human things.
I wish I could be that way. Yet this concept of affective state, it bothers me. I am growing and this is a period of good things, it's just that it's hit a lull. Work hasn't really started up yet. It was great to have work as an excuse to not socialize last semester, because frankly I don't like many of the social people (except Mike) and only a small segment of the cohort that's mature enough to associate with. They're just not the type of person I am. I'm blessed for the friends I do have, that's about it though. I don't care about the ones that are jackasses, they're just their own person and that's what they are.
I just always bemoan how many people there are and how they pass in and out of your life so easily. I saw someone on the elevator coming up here and she was cute, she has a vertical scar above her nose on the top of her forehead, but I felt compassion and want to talk to her and to well, learn about her, and whatever. But she was gone. Many people are like that, they just are gone, and then there are more that are here for a while, then gone. Do we work like dogs to keep our friend network solid or do we just let those relationships that were so fulfilling a year ago just die. It's both, and it's both sadly, and some of the people are falling apart.
I wish I knew everyone and had the ability to see the innate good in everyone, for I think it's there and love will rescue them all. True love, which doesn't probably exist in this world with the exception of perhaps a few people. And why is it in my mind to write the epic that will explain the world, at least according to me? And I have no idea nor no skill to write that, I am perhaps an artist that has great form but poor perspective, or something like that. I can paint a picture of what is there, yet to make up those boring things that string together a story, it's hard. Mine are concise, they are really boiled down, and they're involved.
I'm nervous about wednesday, the first time I've ever flown commercially in my life. It's nervous not because planes crash (so what, I'm dead, I have no worries about the grave), but about luggage, checking, carry-on, layovers, and those other words I have no idea what they mean but I've heard them before.
But whatever. We'll have to figure this out. The shirt I bought and the pants I bought don't match well, I wish I had a nice light pair of slacks and I don't feel like going to buy some after I bought a good dark pair that matched one of my shirts but not the other. I hate clothes, I like the fact that I make a point not to spend much time on my appearance, so I know that people are drawn to me by who I am hopefully and not what I look like. And at least even if I am alone, I can have some solace in knowing that it's not a fake relationship. Perhaps