fic: Ignorance 2/3
She's sure she wasn't thinking properly when she shoved Mercedes during Glee practice. Well, she never thought things properly before shoving anyone, but, seriously, Mercedes? Of all the girls in Glee club, she had to jump on the one that could take her down -or at least have a decent attempt at it-. She's sure she could beat Tina and manhands up with her eyes closed, and she had a good chance of kicking Quinn’s ass now that she was preggo (that wouldn't be very nice, though). Mercedes, though? If there was one girl in WMHS that could measure up to her own fighting skills, that was her.
It all happened in the blink of an eye, they were going for each other's throat while they sang and then she was just seeing red and her body reacted. All by itself, like her mind had no control over her hands. And now that she stormed out of the room leaving a very pissed Mercedes and a very pleased-looking Puck behind, she couldn’t help but want to smack her self. Why had she even shoved Mercedes?
It’s not like no reasons jump to mind. She could think of a few, actually. If she was being true to herself, it had all started the very same day Puck had first appeared with his shaved head. She was waiting for Brittany to have lunch together before Cheerios practice. They always did so on Mondays, just the two of them. Quinn used to sit with them two, but things were weird between them now. That was something she needed to sort out too. But that was beyond her present problem. Last Monday she had looked for Brittany for over an hour, until it was time to go to practice. She’d found her seating in the field, surrounded by some of the other girls. And she was laughing. When she had pulled her aside and asked her why she hadn’t shown up, Brittany’d simply said: “Oh, we were singing with Mercedes and I just forgot. She’s so much fun. Sorry, S”. And she had laughed. Again.
Still, she had been willing to let it go, because they did fairly well at their routine and because Brittany came over that afternoon and made her forget she was even upset at her. She was really good at making Santana forget things, come to think about it.
That was until Glee practice the following day. After Finn’s obvious performance (he’d clearly been faithful to Mr. Schue’s assignment. Talk about expressing your feelings and shit. Jesse’s girl? Seriously, what was wrong with these people) it was Puck’s turn. And he looked hot. Because even if she’s certainly not interested in him, he is still super fine, there’s no denying it. The hat, the moves, it all suited him in a good way, it made her forget about what she had told him the day before, and he made her laugh. Until it happened. Singing for her? A duo? WHAT? It’d been bad enough when he had sung Sweet Caroline to RuPaul, but this was even worse. There was singing and dancing and hand-holding. Santana Lopez was the girl to go to if you were looking to harvest some mojo. Mercedes was trying to steal her spot as top dog. And she was not loosing everything that was fought tooth and nail for.
Since then, everything had been brimming inside of her. Brittany’s constant chatter about “how awesome M is” (now we are calling her M?). Coach choosing Mercedes over her to be the lead for the nationals number. Brittany sitting next to her in Glee practice that Thursday.
Still, that hadn’t quite pulled the trigger. It certainly had been a good amount, but it wasn’t the last drop on her glass. He was. He had sung that song, very much unlike his usual favorites. And Brittany had gotten up, walked up to him and told him something. She wanted to know what she’d said, but of course, she didn’t, because freaking Mercedes was seating between them! Then, on Sunday, Britt had called her up and had told her where she’d been the previous night. They were hooking up. Brittany and Kurt. Brittany and Kurt.
And then it clicked. Kurt was Mercedes’ best friend. She and Brittany had sat together before Brittany made a pass at him. It was all Mercedes’ fault. She had to get her revenge. Right now, after she had let some of her rage out, this seems like a really stupid train of thought. But it made so much sense when she saw her at the beginning of the week, walking in with Kurt and Brittany.
Of course, she wasn’t supposed to be jealous of him. Sex and no dating meant she and Brittany had freedom to do whatever they wanted. She knew that, she was OK with that. Or not. Because the nagging feeling she had in her chest had a lot to do with a certain boy and her best friend. Puck was an excuse to jump on Mercedes. And the girl was just the scapegoat at hand to let out her frustration and her jealousy. She should’ve shoved Kurt, not her. But that wouldn’t make her feel any better either, because deep down she knows she’s mad at herself. She’s confused and she’s hurt, and she hates herself for feeling all these things, because she knows she shouldn’t be, because she knows she should be jealous for Puck when all she really feels is fear. And even if she is struggling to shove her feelings back down where they belong, she can’t deny it to herself anymore. The fear that’s making her cry right now has something to do with her best friend.
It all happened in the blink of an eye, they were going for each other's throat while they sang and then she was just seeing red and her body reacted. All by itself, like her mind had no control over her hands. And now that she stormed out of the room leaving a very pissed Mercedes and a very pleased-looking Puck behind, she couldn’t help but want to smack her self. Why had she even shoved Mercedes?
It’s not like no reasons jump to mind. She could think of a few, actually. If she was being true to herself, it had all started the very same day Puck had first appeared with his shaved head. She was waiting for Brittany to have lunch together before Cheerios practice. They always did so on Mondays, just the two of them. Quinn used to sit with them two, but things were weird between them now. That was something she needed to sort out too. But that was beyond her present problem. Last Monday she had looked for Brittany for over an hour, until it was time to go to practice. She’d found her seating in the field, surrounded by some of the other girls. And she was laughing. When she had pulled her aside and asked her why she hadn’t shown up, Brittany’d simply said: “Oh, we were singing with Mercedes and I just forgot. She’s so much fun. Sorry, S”. And she had laughed. Again.
Still, she had been willing to let it go, because they did fairly well at their routine and because Brittany came over that afternoon and made her forget she was even upset at her. She was really good at making Santana forget things, come to think about it.
That was until Glee practice the following day. After Finn’s obvious performance (he’d clearly been faithful to Mr. Schue’s assignment. Talk about expressing your feelings and shit. Jesse’s girl? Seriously, what was wrong with these people) it was Puck’s turn. And he looked hot. Because even if she’s certainly not interested in him, he is still super fine, there’s no denying it. The hat, the moves, it all suited him in a good way, it made her forget about what she had told him the day before, and he made her laugh. Until it happened. Singing for her? A duo? WHAT? It’d been bad enough when he had sung Sweet Caroline to RuPaul, but this was even worse. There was singing and dancing and hand-holding. Santana Lopez was the girl to go to if you were looking to harvest some mojo. Mercedes was trying to steal her spot as top dog. And she was not loosing everything that was fought tooth and nail for.
Since then, everything had been brimming inside of her. Brittany’s constant chatter about “how awesome M is” (now we are calling her M?). Coach choosing Mercedes over her to be the lead for the nationals number. Brittany sitting next to her in Glee practice that Thursday.
Still, that hadn’t quite pulled the trigger. It certainly had been a good amount, but it wasn’t the last drop on her glass. He was. He had sung that song, very much unlike his usual favorites. And Brittany had gotten up, walked up to him and told him something. She wanted to know what she’d said, but of course, she didn’t, because freaking Mercedes was seating between them! Then, on Sunday, Britt had called her up and had told her where she’d been the previous night. They were hooking up. Brittany and Kurt. Brittany and Kurt.
And then it clicked. Kurt was Mercedes’ best friend. She and Brittany had sat together before Brittany made a pass at him. It was all Mercedes’ fault. She had to get her revenge. Right now, after she had let some of her rage out, this seems like a really stupid train of thought. But it made so much sense when she saw her at the beginning of the week, walking in with Kurt and Brittany.
Of course, she wasn’t supposed to be jealous of him. Sex and no dating meant she and Brittany had freedom to do whatever they wanted. She knew that, she was OK with that. Or not. Because the nagging feeling she had in her chest had a lot to do with a certain boy and her best friend. Puck was an excuse to jump on Mercedes. And the girl was just the scapegoat at hand to let out her frustration and her jealousy. She should’ve shoved Kurt, not her. But that wouldn’t make her feel any better either, because deep down she knows she’s mad at herself. She’s confused and she’s hurt, and she hates herself for feeling all these things, because she knows she shouldn’t be, because she knows she should be jealous for Puck when all she really feels is fear. And even if she is struggling to shove her feelings back down where they belong, she can’t deny it to herself anymore. The fear that’s making her cry right now has something to do with her best friend.