fic: Ignorance 1/3
Title: Ignorance [Part One]
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: She's way too confused. And Santana Lopez doesn't do confused. She likes to know things, to be in charge and handle what happens around her, and she cannot help but feel powerless
An insight into the events on Laryngitis from Santana's POV.
Spoilers: Laryingitis
Rating: PG-13
AN: This is my first attempt at an angstier fic, which is not my usual type of writing, so I'd love to read your opinions.
Ignorance
"Who's that guy?", she hears Brittany whisper in her ear as they both turn around to look at a now un-mohawked Noah Puckerman. And while her mind grins at Brittany's comment, she cannot help but scowl at the boy's new look. His mohawk was half of his badass image. Losing it? Not a smart choice.
Still, even if that means Puck's rep will probably drop wildly, and therefore hooking up with him won't be as profitable for her own personal image as it used to be, deep down she can't bring herself to care that much about it. Months ago, she would've probably had a fit at the sight of the dooming haircut, but she's not the same girl as she was months ago. Or well, maybe she is, but there's something out of place with her. Something has changed, but she can't figure out exactly what it is. And this thing is making her act like a whole different person, one she barely recognizes sometimes. Like, for example, not caring too much about what Puck does or doesn't do with his life -or his hair, on this particular event-. And Santana feels like she should care, because... well because they are sort of an item, even if they haven't been dating officially since that time she broke up with him because of his credit score.
But still, they've hooked up more than once after that, just sex, no dating. Come to think about it, she ditched him because she simply didn't care that much to put all the effort that was needed into keeping a serious relationship. It was only natural that she would dump him, because the only positive thing she got from hooking up with Puck was the rep-bust, and the mildly satisfying sex (because, there was no fooling herself, none of the school boys were any better at bed than him). So she was just being true to herself when she cut him off with that lame excuse. Really, she wasn't the type of girl who enjoyed holding hands with her other half while walking to classes and making love eyes. There was only one person she liked to hold hands with actually, but that was only because they were best friends and they'd been holding pinkies since she could remember, and that didn't mean anything else. Nor did that Brittany was certainly the best sex she's ever had.
No, she wasn't all lovey-dovey with Puck, or with any other of the guys she flirted with, because she was not in love with them. They were super fine and available (well, every guy was available for her, she was smokin' hot). And she'd done Puck a favour by ending their short-lasting 'romance', he wasn't a one-girl person either. How had he put it that one time? Oh, right, he was a sex shark.
But all of this led her to the quid of the problem, which was that she couldn't care enough about any of the boys she slept with. Not even Puck, and she's known him since they were kids. She does care for him as a sort of friend, but not in the romantic way she is supposed to. And even if she racks her brains trying to come up with one good reason why she just won't find the girlfriend material inside of her, she can't find any. Well, it is true that she dumped Puck a month or so after she and Brittany started having sex, but that couldn't be the reason. She still slept with guys, hell, she still slept with Puck. She knew, and Brittany too, that what they were doing was just for the mere fun of it. Sex was not dating. They both understood that. It was just... well, that was another thing she couldn't figure out. What exactly were they doing? She didn't know. And she certainly wouldn't ask Britt, because that would mean labelling it out, and Santana wasn't sure she wanted that to happen. What if Brittany didn't think of what they had as she did? And what exactly did she think of what they had? She didn't even had that sorted out.
Now she's just rambling. How is it a posible that a simple haircut had her thinking all sorts of nonsense?
She's way too confused. And Santana Lopez doesn't do confused. She likes to know things, to be in charge and handle what happens around her, and she cannot help but feel powerless at this... this thing that has taken control of her and that makes her stomach churn and her palms sweat every time she sees Brittany getting too friendly with someone else.
It's like she cannot get a grip of what she does, what she says, even what she thinks. She feels that very same way when, later that day, Puck explains the reason behind his new look. Some lame doctor shaved his head because of a freaking mole?! And he looks so defeated, hell, he looks like one of the kids he tosses into the dumpster, complaining about his lost mojo and his mom, who still washes his hair (seriously, if that leaks he'll be getting a goddam slushie spa treatment, not just a facial). Santana wants to say a comforting word, maybe pat his shoulder or something, but she can't. Her words blurt out of her mouth before she has time to think about what she's actually saying. "Actually, I don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the whining, but I'm not turned on at all right now". Really, was she such a bitch? It's like she has no control of her body sometimes. She wants to apologize, but she just walks away, leaving a broken Puck in the choir room, by himself.
As she closes the door behind her, Santana realizes she's scared, she just doesn't know of what.
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: She's way too confused. And Santana Lopez doesn't do confused. She likes to know things, to be in charge and handle what happens around her, and she cannot help but feel powerless
An insight into the events on Laryngitis from Santana's POV.
Spoilers: Laryingitis
Rating: PG-13
AN: This is my first attempt at an angstier fic, which is not my usual type of writing, so I'd love to read your opinions.
Ignorance
"Who's that guy?", she hears Brittany whisper in her ear as they both turn around to look at a now un-mohawked Noah Puckerman. And while her mind grins at Brittany's comment, she cannot help but scowl at the boy's new look. His mohawk was half of his badass image. Losing it? Not a smart choice.
Still, even if that means Puck's rep will probably drop wildly, and therefore hooking up with him won't be as profitable for her own personal image as it used to be, deep down she can't bring herself to care that much about it. Months ago, she would've probably had a fit at the sight of the dooming haircut, but she's not the same girl as she was months ago. Or well, maybe she is, but there's something out of place with her. Something has changed, but she can't figure out exactly what it is. And this thing is making her act like a whole different person, one she barely recognizes sometimes. Like, for example, not caring too much about what Puck does or doesn't do with his life -or his hair, on this particular event-. And Santana feels like she should care, because... well because they are sort of an item, even if they haven't been dating officially since that time she broke up with him because of his credit score.
But still, they've hooked up more than once after that, just sex, no dating. Come to think about it, she ditched him because she simply didn't care that much to put all the effort that was needed into keeping a serious relationship. It was only natural that she would dump him, because the only positive thing she got from hooking up with Puck was the rep-bust, and the mildly satisfying sex (because, there was no fooling herself, none of the school boys were any better at bed than him). So she was just being true to herself when she cut him off with that lame excuse. Really, she wasn't the type of girl who enjoyed holding hands with her other half while walking to classes and making love eyes. There was only one person she liked to hold hands with actually, but that was only because they were best friends and they'd been holding pinkies since she could remember, and that didn't mean anything else. Nor did that Brittany was certainly the best sex she's ever had.
No, she wasn't all lovey-dovey with Puck, or with any other of the guys she flirted with, because she was not in love with them. They were super fine and available (well, every guy was available for her, she was smokin' hot). And she'd done Puck a favour by ending their short-lasting 'romance', he wasn't a one-girl person either. How had he put it that one time? Oh, right, he was a sex shark.
But all of this led her to the quid of the problem, which was that she couldn't care enough about any of the boys she slept with. Not even Puck, and she's known him since they were kids. She does care for him as a sort of friend, but not in the romantic way she is supposed to. And even if she racks her brains trying to come up with one good reason why she just won't find the girlfriend material inside of her, she can't find any. Well, it is true that she dumped Puck a month or so after she and Brittany started having sex, but that couldn't be the reason. She still slept with guys, hell, she still slept with Puck. She knew, and Brittany too, that what they were doing was just for the mere fun of it. Sex was not dating. They both understood that. It was just... well, that was another thing she couldn't figure out. What exactly were they doing? She didn't know. And she certainly wouldn't ask Britt, because that would mean labelling it out, and Santana wasn't sure she wanted that to happen. What if Brittany didn't think of what they had as she did? And what exactly did she think of what they had? She didn't even had that sorted out.
Now she's just rambling. How is it a posible that a simple haircut had her thinking all sorts of nonsense?
She's way too confused. And Santana Lopez doesn't do confused. She likes to know things, to be in charge and handle what happens around her, and she cannot help but feel powerless at this... this thing that has taken control of her and that makes her stomach churn and her palms sweat every time she sees Brittany getting too friendly with someone else.
It's like she cannot get a grip of what she does, what she says, even what she thinks. She feels that very same way when, later that day, Puck explains the reason behind his new look. Some lame doctor shaved his head because of a freaking mole?! And he looks so defeated, hell, he looks like one of the kids he tosses into the dumpster, complaining about his lost mojo and his mom, who still washes his hair (seriously, if that leaks he'll be getting a goddam slushie spa treatment, not just a facial). Santana wants to say a comforting word, maybe pat his shoulder or something, but she can't. Her words blurt out of her mouth before she has time to think about what she's actually saying. "Actually, I don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the whining, but I'm not turned on at all right now". Really, was she such a bitch? It's like she has no control of her body sometimes. She wants to apologize, but she just walks away, leaving a broken Puck in the choir room, by himself.
As she closes the door behind her, Santana realizes she's scared, she just doesn't know of what.