~you kill me well~
~*~so malone is out of my life again. it hurts me so very much but i was getting hurt much worse when he was in my life. i gave him a second chance, no wait i gave him his 1000000000000th chance and he blew it. there was the chance of him hurting me again and i took it by letting him in my life and he did it and now i am left here tore and in pain. well no im not letting this set me bak. i told him i cant have him in my life. that was the hardest thing i could have did AGAIN. i wish that i didnt have to go through the pain of saying goodbye to him again but now i have to but i know that this is the best for me.~*~
~*~so yea iv been thinking about jim a lot latley. i swear he has been with me since iv been having problems. iv been having so many dreams with him that i havent had since i got out of the hospital. iv been missing him so much. iv been remembering all the funny memories with him and all the sad ones. im dealing with it ok but still i want to talk about it so bad. i feel guilty for somethings. well i dont know~*~
~*~well i cut a few days ago and i am scared this is going to be a few week/month relaspe. well if i cut a few more times i might join that cutting group again. i kinda want to go bak to that group becuz i have a lot of problems and still hurting myself in other ways. and i feel i need to be in more like therapy groups instead of just seeing mertal. this sounds stupid but if i started cutting again i wouldnt mind. i dont know why i mean i was doing soooo fucking good then i have a lil set back and then i cut. and when i cut it felt good but only for so long. i dont know its cnfuzing i have a lot to say about the cutting thing but ill stop now.~*~
~*~ so yeai spent the night at paiges last night and we had fun. i had her cracking up so hard that there were tears in her eyes. i havent seen her laugh like that in so long. i was having a good time. my dad thought i was on drugs becuz i was acting weird. but i was just having fun. so yea she is over right now watching movies.. we get to drive monday,tuesday, and wednesday at 9:30 in the morning. i cant wait to drive i love it.~*~
~*~well im going to go now...comment everyone~*~
~*~so yea iv been thinking about jim a lot latley. i swear he has been with me since iv been having problems. iv been having so many dreams with him that i havent had since i got out of the hospital. iv been missing him so much. iv been remembering all the funny memories with him and all the sad ones. im dealing with it ok but still i want to talk about it so bad. i feel guilty for somethings. well i dont know~*~
~*~well i cut a few days ago and i am scared this is going to be a few week/month relaspe. well if i cut a few more times i might join that cutting group again. i kinda want to go bak to that group becuz i have a lot of problems and still hurting myself in other ways. and i feel i need to be in more like therapy groups instead of just seeing mertal. this sounds stupid but if i started cutting again i wouldnt mind. i dont know why i mean i was doing soooo fucking good then i have a lil set back and then i cut. and when i cut it felt good but only for so long. i dont know its cnfuzing i have a lot to say about the cutting thing but ill stop now.~*~
~*~ so yeai spent the night at paiges last night and we had fun. i had her cracking up so hard that there were tears in her eyes. i havent seen her laugh like that in so long. i was having a good time. my dad thought i was on drugs becuz i was acting weird. but i was just having fun. so yea she is over right now watching movies.. we get to drive monday,tuesday, and wednesday at 9:30 in the morning. i cant wait to drive i love it.~*~
~*~well im going to go now...comment everyone~*~