(no subject)
well, good news.......
my trip didn't go exactly as planned, but it did still go, and that's what is important. it was a lot of fun, actually. i didn't expect it to be as good as normal because my brother wasn't there, but it was still a lot of fun. we did choose the wrong day to go to the beach, but every other day was perfect and sunny, and i'm a even a little (a lot in places) redder for the experience. :) the food was good, the place was good, the company was good, and the not working was especially good.
the company though...
i love my family, but they drive me crazy. i know everyone in the world says that.... and many of them talk about not being able to fix their family's problems too and being upset by the fact that they can't. i am one of these people too. i was so glad when i finally moved out of my parent's house, and not be a part of the mess anymore, but there was a long time when i was really down because i couldn't fix what was going on with them, and being so far made it even more awful, because i could only make assumptions about what was going on. of course, i was told some of it, but i know that i was never told all of it. and so i was ending up assuming bad things abotu the people i loved. and it drove me crazy. so finally i told myself i would just not be involved, i would live my own life, and if there were things going on that i needed to be involved in, they would tell me, but i wouldn't be more involved than i had to be. and that's worked out pretty well for the most part. except when i spend a few days with them and i hear little hints of what's going on and it makes me feel like a horrible person because i'm not making myself more available to help or even care about it. even just thinking about this now makes me feel like a bad person. but i don't know a happy medium. there's no way i can be involved without being completely enveloped, and that just leaves me really depressed. but if i'm completely uninvolved and ignorant i'm left a little depressed too. i just can't find a good groove of understanding to fit in.
on a final note, i'm a little sad that i missed working on labor day. double time and a half is awesome.
my trip didn't go exactly as planned, but it did still go, and that's what is important. it was a lot of fun, actually. i didn't expect it to be as good as normal because my brother wasn't there, but it was still a lot of fun. we did choose the wrong day to go to the beach, but every other day was perfect and sunny, and i'm a even a little (a lot in places) redder for the experience. :) the food was good, the place was good, the company was good, and the not working was especially good.
the company though...
i love my family, but they drive me crazy. i know everyone in the world says that.... and many of them talk about not being able to fix their family's problems too and being upset by the fact that they can't. i am one of these people too. i was so glad when i finally moved out of my parent's house, and not be a part of the mess anymore, but there was a long time when i was really down because i couldn't fix what was going on with them, and being so far made it even more awful, because i could only make assumptions about what was going on. of course, i was told some of it, but i know that i was never told all of it. and so i was ending up assuming bad things abotu the people i loved. and it drove me crazy. so finally i told myself i would just not be involved, i would live my own life, and if there were things going on that i needed to be involved in, they would tell me, but i wouldn't be more involved than i had to be. and that's worked out pretty well for the most part. except when i spend a few days with them and i hear little hints of what's going on and it makes me feel like a horrible person because i'm not making myself more available to help or even care about it. even just thinking about this now makes me feel like a bad person. but i don't know a happy medium. there's no way i can be involved without being completely enveloped, and that just leaves me really depressed. but if i'm completely uninvolved and ignorant i'm left a little depressed too. i just can't find a good groove of understanding to fit in.
on a final note, i'm a little sad that i missed working on labor day. double time and a half is awesome.