An exhaustive update
I haven't updated this thing in wow... forever. I've been having a really rough time with life lately though, so I think I'm going to use this as a therapy tool, at least for a little bit. It's not like many people use this anymore, so it'll be a little more private than a few years ago.
To begin with, I guess I'll just write a little bit about what's happened since last summer. A lot of stuff has changed, mainly school and my love-life. So let's start with school.
I have decided to change my major, a decision I came to over the summer. I got a job working as a veterinary assistant last February, and while I love working with animals and could see myself becoming a veterinarian, it has led me to realize that I want to work with people more. I thought for awhile about going pre-med, but with my desire to have a family and a relationship and my love of direct care, I decided to go into the field of nursing. Specifically, I want to be a family nurse practitioner, which is in between a nurse and a doctor. This decision didn't necessarily have to come with a major change yet, as I could have graduated with my bachelor's degree and gotten a master's in nursing instead, I decided to go with a longer program and change my major now. Even though my parents and everyone else seems to think it's not a great idea, I think it's the best for me. Yes, it looks good on paper, but I am really unhappy up in the Cities. So I'm applying to the program in Rochester through the U to start next fall, and if I don't get into that then I will stick with my bachelor's in biology and apply for the nursing program later. The bachelor's program also is a slower program, so I feel I will end up being a lot more comfortable with nursing techniques immediately after graduation. Even though it'll be slightly longer and cost a little more than the master's way, I'm pretty comfortable with my decision.
I did recently get a new job too... I am now a Program Counselor with ACR Homes (it's like Bear Creek - homes for developmentally disabled adults) so I will be working in direct care and will be trained as a Home Health Aide. I haven't really done much yet besides in office training, but it'll look great on my resume when applying to the nursing program next semester, and hopefully I will really like it. Getting a job in the veterinary field helped me realize that's not really what I wanted to do, so this job is kind of the make or break for nursing.
Relationship-wise... we all know that Mike and I called off our wedding about a year ago, and then broke up a few months later. Although the way the breakup happened wasn't great (yeah, I did it over facebook/email, but Mike and I both understand the reasoning behind it and that it was the best way), I think it was the right thing at the right time. Mike and I stayed friends for awhile and both started dating other people, and that's kind of where the shit hit the fan. Mike was dating this girl named Danny who was uncomfortable with our friendship to begin with... and when she walked in on me and Mike having dinner at Applebee's, she flipped and told Mike that he had to choose between us. Of course, Mike chose Danny and our friendship ended really badly. We didn't speak at all for four months, except for me leaving him a voicemail to tell him Koala had died. And then, out of the blue, about a month and a half ago Mike started texting and calling me again. Apparently Danny turned crazy (I could have told him that) and they had broken up (which I didn't know until a day or two later). I went down to Rochester to see him that weekend because I hadn't seen him in four months, and one thing led to another and we decided to get back together that day. Since then, things have been interesting to say the least. We've both changed a lot so it's been a challenge to get used to each other again. It's still a work in progress, but things seem to be improving. Sometimes I wish we had taken time to get to know each other and be friends again before getting back together, but overall I'm happy. In the past few weeks things have gotten really bad with my depression, and although it's caused fights between us and I almost ended things because I didn't think it was fair that Mike had to go through this with me, he told me that he would stay with me and help me through this. Times like that remind me what a great guy he is, and the fact that he's standing by my side while I put him through so much crap just reminds me why I love him so much.
Living every day for me has always been a challenge. Since being hospitalized in high school for attempted suicide, I have always been proud of myself for being able to stay off medication and not go into counseling. I've always considered my friends my medication and therapy, but things have gotten so bad lately I can't do it by myself anymore. I finally sucked it up today and went into the mental health office to schedule counseling and medication appointments. Interestingly enough, I don't see it as a failure... I see it as that I'm recognizing that I need help and taking a step towards it, even though it means that I will have to rely on anti-depressants to get me through this. I can only hope that my self-esteem and drive returns soon enough, as I have been skipping a lot of classes lately and taking it out on my friends (especially Mike). I am blessed enough to have understanding parents (who made me cry today by sending me flowers after I called them last night to finally tell them about my issues), a boyfriend who sometimes isn't quite as supportive as I need him to be but is willing to stay with me and try, and a few great best friends who are always there when I need them, especially my roomie Jess.
My goals this week - not to skip anymore classes, not to text Mike when I am frustrated with him, and to stay positive. Things need to change in my life, but they won't change until I start taking a more active part in changing them. I've been way too passive lately, what with laying around in bed and skipping most of my classes, but no longer. Plus I have midterms this week, and I'm kinda screwed for one of them :/
becca
To begin with, I guess I'll just write a little bit about what's happened since last summer. A lot of stuff has changed, mainly school and my love-life. So let's start with school.
I have decided to change my major, a decision I came to over the summer. I got a job working as a veterinary assistant last February, and while I love working with animals and could see myself becoming a veterinarian, it has led me to realize that I want to work with people more. I thought for awhile about going pre-med, but with my desire to have a family and a relationship and my love of direct care, I decided to go into the field of nursing. Specifically, I want to be a family nurse practitioner, which is in between a nurse and a doctor. This decision didn't necessarily have to come with a major change yet, as I could have graduated with my bachelor's degree and gotten a master's in nursing instead, I decided to go with a longer program and change my major now. Even though my parents and everyone else seems to think it's not a great idea, I think it's the best for me. Yes, it looks good on paper, but I am really unhappy up in the Cities. So I'm applying to the program in Rochester through the U to start next fall, and if I don't get into that then I will stick with my bachelor's in biology and apply for the nursing program later. The bachelor's program also is a slower program, so I feel I will end up being a lot more comfortable with nursing techniques immediately after graduation. Even though it'll be slightly longer and cost a little more than the master's way, I'm pretty comfortable with my decision.
I did recently get a new job too... I am now a Program Counselor with ACR Homes (it's like Bear Creek - homes for developmentally disabled adults) so I will be working in direct care and will be trained as a Home Health Aide. I haven't really done much yet besides in office training, but it'll look great on my resume when applying to the nursing program next semester, and hopefully I will really like it. Getting a job in the veterinary field helped me realize that's not really what I wanted to do, so this job is kind of the make or break for nursing.
Relationship-wise... we all know that Mike and I called off our wedding about a year ago, and then broke up a few months later. Although the way the breakup happened wasn't great (yeah, I did it over facebook/email, but Mike and I both understand the reasoning behind it and that it was the best way), I think it was the right thing at the right time. Mike and I stayed friends for awhile and both started dating other people, and that's kind of where the shit hit the fan. Mike was dating this girl named Danny who was uncomfortable with our friendship to begin with... and when she walked in on me and Mike having dinner at Applebee's, she flipped and told Mike that he had to choose between us. Of course, Mike chose Danny and our friendship ended really badly. We didn't speak at all for four months, except for me leaving him a voicemail to tell him Koala had died. And then, out of the blue, about a month and a half ago Mike started texting and calling me again. Apparently Danny turned crazy (I could have told him that) and they had broken up (which I didn't know until a day or two later). I went down to Rochester to see him that weekend because I hadn't seen him in four months, and one thing led to another and we decided to get back together that day. Since then, things have been interesting to say the least. We've both changed a lot so it's been a challenge to get used to each other again. It's still a work in progress, but things seem to be improving. Sometimes I wish we had taken time to get to know each other and be friends again before getting back together, but overall I'm happy. In the past few weeks things have gotten really bad with my depression, and although it's caused fights between us and I almost ended things because I didn't think it was fair that Mike had to go through this with me, he told me that he would stay with me and help me through this. Times like that remind me what a great guy he is, and the fact that he's standing by my side while I put him through so much crap just reminds me why I love him so much.
Living every day for me has always been a challenge. Since being hospitalized in high school for attempted suicide, I have always been proud of myself for being able to stay off medication and not go into counseling. I've always considered my friends my medication and therapy, but things have gotten so bad lately I can't do it by myself anymore. I finally sucked it up today and went into the mental health office to schedule counseling and medication appointments. Interestingly enough, I don't see it as a failure... I see it as that I'm recognizing that I need help and taking a step towards it, even though it means that I will have to rely on anti-depressants to get me through this. I can only hope that my self-esteem and drive returns soon enough, as I have been skipping a lot of classes lately and taking it out on my friends (especially Mike). I am blessed enough to have understanding parents (who made me cry today by sending me flowers after I called them last night to finally tell them about my issues), a boyfriend who sometimes isn't quite as supportive as I need him to be but is willing to stay with me and try, and a few great best friends who are always there when I need them, especially my roomie Jess.
My goals this week - not to skip anymore classes, not to text Mike when I am frustrated with him, and to stay positive. Things need to change in my life, but they won't change until I start taking a more active part in changing them. I've been way too passive lately, what with laying around in bed and skipping most of my classes, but no longer. Plus I have midterms this week, and I'm kinda screwed for one of them :/
becca