Fear, oh Fear
He will be here in less than 7 hours and I am so very anxious. I know I will enjoy it - being touched again but I'm so very terrified. I have never felt physical love. I've felt used physically and always trapped in a bubble but now... it's such an odd opportunity. I suggested it in hopes that maybe it wouldn't happen out of fear, but now it is happening and part of me is thankful. The other half. Sick with anxieties.
I have never been very beautiful. Well I was when I was younger but the older I got - my PCOS took over my body and made me into something no one really wanted to deal with. It's a strange feeling to accept being wanted. I know people have for all of human history but for me it feels... so foreign and strange. I want to accept it but there is always something in the back of my mind telling me it isn't real.
I need it to be real.
It has to be.