Torchwood Rewatch: Week 13
TIME TO PUT ON YOUR CRYING FACES, GUYS, BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR...
THE GOODBYE EDITION: FRAGMENTS AND EXIT WOUNDS!
FRAGMENTS!
Oh, hey Gwen. I hear you're busy filming Adrift sexing up Rhys this morning, so I guess we're going to have a ~FLASHBACK~ episode. Don't let the falling rocks hit you on your way in!
This is, of course when they all go into the "rocks fall and everybody dies" building. Where they are apparently being bombed by...heart cubes?
JACK SEEMS TO BE HAVING VICTORIAN FLASHBACKS! TO WHEN HE HAD SIDEBURNS. THIS LOOKS PROMISING, GUYS.
...on second thought, you might want to leave the sideburnery to Ianto, bb.
BUT...BUT...JACK MAKES A LOT OF ~SEXY FACES~ WHILE HE'S BEING TORTURED BY DAISY FROM BEING HUMAN VICTORIAN TORCHWOOD LESBIANS.
Confession: I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH ONE IS EMILY AND WHICH ONE IS ALICE. ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD, PLEASE.
And this week, on the Many Faces of Harkness, we have the EPIC MUTTONCHOPS OF GRATE LULZ.
WTF JACK. WHY IS YOUR 90'S HAIR A COMBOVER KIND OF THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
AAAND, HERE'S THE MONEY-SHOT.
GWEN! I HAD THE MOST TERRIBLE DREAM! MY HAIR WAS AWFUL!
Anyway, then it's Tosh's turn to have a ~dramatic flashback~
Tosh apparently used to be an actual ninja! She steals this sketchy paper bag from the Ministry of Defense.
There isn't booze inside, sadly. It's schematics for a dildo ~SONIC MODULATOR~
Please tell me that I am not the only one who finds this scene of Tosh building a sonic screwdriver REALLY DAMN SEXY.
BUT! It turns out that she is building the thing for some terrorists, who, in addition to being kidnappers, are slobs. I mean, seriously! LOOK AT ALL OF THAT PAPER ON THE FLOOR.
And then we get the most claustrophobic scene ever with Tosh in this tiny little cell. :(
BUT LUCKILY! JACK HARKNESS WITH HIS FINALLY-AWESOME HAIR COMES TO RESCUE HER.
Aaaand now it's time for the origin story of my OTP.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT. JACK'S COAT/IANTO'S SIDEBURNS. THEIR LOVE IS ~SO TRUE~ and a little bit scratchy.
THE SIDEBURNS ARE BLEEDING. OMG.
"You checked me out." OH YEAH HE DID, IANTO.
WAIT, OMG. JACK IS WEARING A BLUE UNDERSHIRT. DOESN'T THE UNIVERSE IMPLODE OR SOMETHING WHEN JACK'S NOT WEARING A WHITE UNDERSHIRT?
Oh yeaaaah. That's what I'm talking about.
WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.
Now it's Owen's turn! WE ARE GOING TO FIND OUT WHY HE IS SO ~ANGRY AT THE WORLD~
Unlike the Jack and Ianto's backstories, Owen's does not contain very many lulz. REGARD: OWEN'S SADFACE.
He makes this face for... pretty much the whole flashback.
Daaayum. Now Owen? He can totally work the sideburns. And also the suit.
And of course the obligatory pouty-face, too.
I love this scene with Jack in the graveyard. BUT IT IS SO DAMN WEIRD TO SEE OWEN IN A SUIT. But also hot. I AM SO CONFLICTED.
Luckily, all of Torchwood makes it out of the house of "rocks fall, everybody dies has an origin-story flashback" alive.
OH NO! IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE BOMBED BY HART CUBES. lol i am so punny
IT ENDS WITH A ~CLIFFHANGER~
EXIT WOUNDS!
This is the crying episode, guys. BUT! It has John Hart, PC Andy, AND Ianto's frowny face that I photoshop onto everything.
JOHN HART!
PC ANDY!
FROWNY FACE!
BONUS "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY I MADE THIS" SHOOP OF SAID FACE:
Aaaaand, here comes the obligatory Jack is omnisexual space slut Jesus in the finale!
CHECK THEM SIDEBURNS. THEY'RE FIIINE EVEN WHEN SOMEBODY TRIES TO BLOW THEM UP.
Anyway, John blows up the city, Jack makes Jackfayces.
PURSED LIPS OF DISAPPROVAL!
Jack is reunited with his long lost brother, who is even more prone to ACTING! than he is.
Unfortunately, the laws of physics say that two ACTORS! cannot share the screen at once. Therefore, JACK HARKNESS MUST DIE.
Meanwhile, in the present, Gwen is being a ~leader~ while Ianto puts something long and hard into his mouth.
Second episode in a row where we get a ~money shot~ IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
And then, we have the CUTEST GWEN/RHYS SCENE EVER. ♥ ♥
After Rhys has told her what a hero she is, Gwen heads back to the Hub where she gets to be a FIERCE BITCH.
Aaaand this is when we find out that in addition to being super competitive about ACTING! that Gray is also a life-ruiner.
HE RUINS PEOPLE'S LIVES.
Oh, but what's this? JACK HAS COME BACK FOR ROUND TWO OF THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY ACTING FACES.
Jack wins, but he's not happy about it.
Also, while we're here, WHAT THE EFF ARE THESE PANTS. SERIOUSLY.
My OT3 gets reunited...and that's about the last happy part of the episode.
...aww, fuck. WE'RE OFFICIALLY INTO THE CRYING PART OF THE EPISODE.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT OWEN. BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DYING.
OH, AND IT'S STILL NOT OVER. BAAAAWWWW.
Tosh. IT WAS SO NOT AN INCIDENT WITH THE TOASTER. ILU, TOSH. DAMMIT, DON'T GO. PLEEZ.
OMG THIS EPISODE IS SO NOT LULZY. MY GLASSES ARE ALL FOGGED UP.
OMG HUGEST DOWNER ENDING EVER.
...until COE, that is.
oh god time for HAPPY GIFS Y/Y?
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO HAS BEEN DOING REWATCH. IT HAS BEEN SO GREAT TO MEET AND TALK TO ALL OF YOU. LOVE YOU LOTS. ♥ ♥ ♥
THE GOODBYE EDITION: FRAGMENTS AND EXIT WOUNDS!
FRAGMENTS!
Oh, hey Gwen. I hear you're busy filming Adrift sexing up Rhys this morning, so I guess we're going to have a ~FLASHBACK~ episode. Don't let the falling rocks hit you on your way in!
This is, of course when they all go into the "rocks fall and everybody dies" building. Where they are apparently being bombed by...heart cubes?
JACK SEEMS TO BE HAVING VICTORIAN FLASHBACKS! TO WHEN HE HAD SIDEBURNS. THIS LOOKS PROMISING, GUYS.
...on second thought, you might want to leave the sideburnery to Ianto, bb.
BUT...BUT...JACK MAKES A LOT OF ~SEXY FACES~ WHILE HE'S BEING TORTURED BY DAISY FROM BEING HUMAN VICTORIAN TORCHWOOD LESBIANS.
Confession: I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH ONE IS EMILY AND WHICH ONE IS ALICE. ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD, PLEASE.
And this week, on the Many Faces of Harkness, we have the EPIC MUTTONCHOPS OF GRATE LULZ.
WTF JACK. WHY IS YOUR 90'S HAIR A COMBOVER KIND OF THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
AAAND, HERE'S THE MONEY-SHOT.
GWEN! I HAD THE MOST TERRIBLE DREAM! MY HAIR WAS AWFUL!
Anyway, then it's Tosh's turn to have a ~dramatic flashback~
Tosh apparently used to be an actual ninja! She steals this sketchy paper bag from the Ministry of Defense.
There isn't booze inside, sadly. It's schematics for a dildo ~SONIC MODULATOR~
Please tell me that I am not the only one who finds this scene of Tosh building a sonic screwdriver REALLY DAMN SEXY.
BUT! It turns out that she is building the thing for some terrorists, who, in addition to being kidnappers, are slobs. I mean, seriously! LOOK AT ALL OF THAT PAPER ON THE FLOOR.
And then we get the most claustrophobic scene ever with Tosh in this tiny little cell. :(
BUT LUCKILY! JACK HARKNESS WITH HIS FINALLY-AWESOME HAIR COMES TO RESCUE HER.
Aaaand now it's time for the origin story of my OTP.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT. JACK'S COAT/IANTO'S SIDEBURNS. THEIR LOVE IS ~SO TRUE~ and a little bit scratchy.
THE SIDEBURNS ARE BLEEDING. OMG.
"You checked me out." OH YEAH HE DID, IANTO.
WAIT, OMG. JACK IS WEARING A BLUE UNDERSHIRT. DOESN'T THE UNIVERSE IMPLODE OR SOMETHING WHEN JACK'S NOT WEARING A WHITE UNDERSHIRT?
Oh yeaaaah. That's what I'm talking about.
WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.
Now it's Owen's turn! WE ARE GOING TO FIND OUT WHY HE IS SO ~ANGRY AT THE WORLD~
Unlike the Jack and Ianto's backstories, Owen's does not contain very many lulz. REGARD: OWEN'S SADFACE.
He makes this face for... pretty much the whole flashback.
Daaayum. Now Owen? He can totally work the sideburns. And also the suit.
And of course the obligatory pouty-face, too.
I love this scene with Jack in the graveyard. BUT IT IS SO DAMN WEIRD TO SEE OWEN IN A SUIT. But also hot. I AM SO CONFLICTED.
Luckily, all of Torchwood makes it out of the house of "rocks fall, everybody dies has an origin-story flashback" alive.
OH NO! IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE BOMBED BY HART CUBES. lol i am so punny
IT ENDS WITH A ~CLIFFHANGER~
EXIT WOUNDS!
This is the crying episode, guys. BUT! It has John Hart, PC Andy, AND Ianto's frowny face that I photoshop onto everything.
JOHN HART!
PC ANDY!
FROWNY FACE!
BONUS "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY I MADE THIS" SHOOP OF SAID FACE:
Aaaaand, here comes the obligatory Jack is omnisexual space slut Jesus in the finale!
CHECK THEM SIDEBURNS. THEY'RE FIIINE EVEN WHEN SOMEBODY TRIES TO BLOW THEM UP.
Anyway, John blows up the city, Jack makes Jackfayces.
PURSED LIPS OF DISAPPROVAL!
Jack is reunited with his long lost brother, who is even more prone to ACTING! than he is.
Unfortunately, the laws of physics say that two ACTORS! cannot share the screen at once. Therefore, JACK HARKNESS MUST DIE.
Meanwhile, in the present, Gwen is being a ~leader~ while Ianto puts something long and hard into his mouth.
Second episode in a row where we get a ~money shot~ IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
And then, we have the CUTEST GWEN/RHYS SCENE EVER. ♥ ♥
After Rhys has told her what a hero she is, Gwen heads back to the Hub where she gets to be a FIERCE BITCH.
Aaaand this is when we find out that in addition to being super competitive about ACTING! that Gray is also a life-ruiner.
HE RUINS PEOPLE'S LIVES.
Oh, but what's this? JACK HAS COME BACK FOR ROUND TWO OF THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY ACTING FACES.
Jack wins, but he's not happy about it.
Also, while we're here, WHAT THE EFF ARE THESE PANTS. SERIOUSLY.
My OT3 gets reunited...and that's about the last happy part of the episode.
...aww, fuck. WE'RE OFFICIALLY INTO THE CRYING PART OF THE EPISODE.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT OWEN. BEAUTIFUL EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DYING.
OH, AND IT'S STILL NOT OVER. BAAAAWWWW.
Tosh. IT WAS SO NOT AN INCIDENT WITH THE TOASTER. ILU, TOSH. DAMMIT, DON'T GO. PLEEZ.
OMG THIS EPISODE IS SO NOT LULZY. MY GLASSES ARE ALL FOGGED UP.
OMG HUGEST DOWNER ENDING EVER.
...until COE, that is.
oh god time for HAPPY GIFS Y/Y?
THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO HAS BEEN DOING REWATCH. IT HAS BEEN SO GREAT TO MEET AND TALK TO ALL OF YOU. LOVE YOU LOTS. ♥ ♥ ♥