Torchwood Rewatch Week 12
CAN IT BE?
...YES IT IS!
FROM OUT OF THE RAIN AND ADRIFT! Or, the "I AM SORRY FOR BEING LAME AND HAVE MISSED YOU ALL GREATLY" edition.
MUSTACHE OF RIDICULOSITY: YOU'RE...DOING IT RIGHT, ACTUALLY.
ON WITH WITH SHOW.
This episode is about 1. Ianto's ass, 2. creepy carnies, and 3. poor pacing. I'm pretty this holds true if you watch it backwards, too.
Also, there's a kid who looks like Rhys and Jack's lovechild.
WHY IS JACK/RHYS NOT A SHIP. I THINK THEIR HATE!LOVE WOULD BE GREAT. ALSO THEIR SMUSHNAME IS "RACK" WHICH IS CLEARLY AN INDICATION OF HIGH QUALITY.
Anyway, 3/5s of Team Torchwood goes to the movies! Gwen, Owen, and Ianto aren't grouped together in shots very often, and they look kind of awkward for pretty much the entire time.
Meanwhile, Jack and Rhys's bastard child is apparently practicing his Spiderman Skillz to get the movie to the theater on time.
We also find out that Jack has a history as a Creepy Circus Act, but because this episode has ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR CONTINUITY, PLOT, OR CHARACTERIZATION WHATSOEVER, WE DO NOT HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT THIS.
FOOTR!HATE? WHAT FOOTR!HATE?
YOUR EYELINES ARE SUPPOSED TO CROSS, GUYS.
Hey, Ianto, nobody came to our subtextual symbolic wedding.
That's okay, Jack. I have a feeling you're going to leave me at the symbolic alter in a minute anyway.
...who called it?
Uh. Then there is TEAM TORCHWOOD MOVIE NIGHT.
This is about where I lose track of the plot. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? ARE THEY LEARNING TO RENDER THINGS IN PHOTOSHOP SO THAT IANTO CAN MAKE BETTER GOLD HIGH TOPS MANIPS? IDK GUYS. IDK.
You know, Coffee Grounds Beach would have been a great honeymoon spot for our Subtextual Wedding. Just saying.
WORDART!
TORCHWOOD WATERMARK!
I think this cap is an indication of how much I truly DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
Hey Jack, I'm having reverse deja-vu to a time when my sideburns are dead and you're emotionally closed off. WHYEVER COULD THAT BE?
Don't worry about it, Ianto. Your hair's safe for two more episodes.
So this is the Subtextual Wedding Night Sex Tape, right?
I LOVE THIS CAP.
Aaaand, like any good episode, this one ends with Ianto bent over a desk! WOOO!
AND THEN THERE IS ADRIFT. Or, "The One Where Gwen Sees Jack and Ianto Fucking" (AKA THE REASON I STARTED WATCHING TORCHWOOD LOLOL)
ANYWHO! This episode has a lot of Gwen and Andy.
And, apparently, a wind machine.
Anyway, this woman, aside from having kickin' hair and making a very impressive HATERZ GONNA HATE face, has lost her son to Rift Shenanigans.
RHYYYYYS. ILU.
Rhys showing up is TOTALLY AN EXCUSE FOR CAPSLOCK. REALLY.
Y HALO THAR, SEXY ANDY. YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE NOT WEARING A NEON VEST.
Anyway, Gwen uses her Skills of Compassion and Policery to put together a room of missing persons and strategically colored string.
Jack and his phallic paper weight, however, are not cool with this.
SRSLY, GWEN, THE STRING TOTALLY RUINS THE SEWER CHIC MOTIF. MAYBE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE GRUNGY?
Then Gwen has an Anger Picnic with Rhys.
BUT IT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THEN SHE WALKS IN ON JACK AND IANTO HAVING SEXYTIEM.
(WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS AN INORDINATE NUMBER OF CAPS FOR THIS SCENE)
Eventually, Gwen gets on a boat, leaving Andy stuck at Kinko's making copies with REJECTION TEA.
GWEN, YOU FORGOT YOUR SUNGLASSES AND YOUR FLIPPIE-FLOPPIES!
Uhm. The rest of the episode is actually kind of really sad.
REGARD: POIGNANT SCENE OF JACK AND GWEN SITTING ON A CLIFF.
(This episode foreshadows COE in some rather significant ways, but y'all are here for Rewatch and not Intense Meta.)
Anyway, it ends with Gwen/Rhys cuddling, so I figure that's okay.
SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK FOR TORCHWOOD REWATCH: THE GOODBYE EDITION.
...YES IT IS!
FROM OUT OF THE RAIN AND ADRIFT! Or, the "I AM SORRY FOR BEING LAME AND HAVE MISSED YOU ALL GREATLY" edition.
MUSTACHE OF RIDICULOSITY: YOU'RE...DOING IT RIGHT, ACTUALLY.
ON WITH WITH SHOW.
This episode is about 1. Ianto's ass, 2. creepy carnies, and 3. poor pacing. I'm pretty this holds true if you watch it backwards, too.
Also, there's a kid who looks like Rhys and Jack's lovechild.
WHY IS JACK/RHYS NOT A SHIP. I THINK THEIR HATE!LOVE WOULD BE GREAT. ALSO THEIR SMUSHNAME IS "RACK" WHICH IS CLEARLY AN INDICATION OF HIGH QUALITY.
Anyway, 3/5s of Team Torchwood goes to the movies! Gwen, Owen, and Ianto aren't grouped together in shots very often, and they look kind of awkward for pretty much the entire time.
Meanwhile, Jack and Rhys's bastard child is apparently practicing his Spiderman Skillz to get the movie to the theater on time.
We also find out that Jack has a history as a Creepy Circus Act, but because this episode has ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR CONTINUITY, PLOT, OR CHARACTERIZATION WHATSOEVER, WE DO NOT HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT THIS.
FOOTR!HATE? WHAT FOOTR!HATE?
YOUR EYELINES ARE SUPPOSED TO CROSS, GUYS.
Hey, Ianto, nobody came to our subtextual symbolic wedding.
That's okay, Jack. I have a feeling you're going to leave me at the symbolic alter in a minute anyway.
...who called it?
Uh. Then there is TEAM TORCHWOOD MOVIE NIGHT.
This is about where I lose track of the plot. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? ARE THEY LEARNING TO RENDER THINGS IN PHOTOSHOP SO THAT IANTO CAN MAKE BETTER GOLD HIGH TOPS MANIPS? IDK GUYS. IDK.
You know, Coffee Grounds Beach would have been a great honeymoon spot for our Subtextual Wedding. Just saying.
WORDART!
TORCHWOOD WATERMARK!
I think this cap is an indication of how much I truly DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
Hey Jack, I'm having reverse deja-vu to a time when my sideburns are dead and you're emotionally closed off. WHYEVER COULD THAT BE?
Don't worry about it, Ianto. Your hair's safe for two more episodes.
So this is the Subtextual Wedding Night Sex Tape, right?
I LOVE THIS CAP.
Aaaand, like any good episode, this one ends with Ianto bent over a desk! WOOO!
AND THEN THERE IS ADRIFT. Or, "The One Where Gwen Sees Jack and Ianto Fucking" (AKA THE REASON I STARTED WATCHING TORCHWOOD LOLOL)
ANYWHO! This episode has a lot of Gwen and Andy.
And, apparently, a wind machine.
Anyway, this woman, aside from having kickin' hair and making a very impressive HATERZ GONNA HATE face, has lost her son to Rift Shenanigans.
RHYYYYYS. ILU.
Rhys showing up is TOTALLY AN EXCUSE FOR CAPSLOCK. REALLY.
Y HALO THAR, SEXY ANDY. YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE NOT WEARING A NEON VEST.
Anyway, Gwen uses her Skills of Compassion and Policery to put together a room of missing persons and strategically colored string.
Jack and his phallic paper weight, however, are not cool with this.
SRSLY, GWEN, THE STRING TOTALLY RUINS THE SEWER CHIC MOTIF. MAYBE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE GRUNGY?
Then Gwen has an Anger Picnic with Rhys.
BUT IT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THEN SHE WALKS IN ON JACK AND IANTO HAVING SEXYTIEM.
(WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS AN INORDINATE NUMBER OF CAPS FOR THIS SCENE)
Eventually, Gwen gets on a boat, leaving Andy stuck at Kinko's making copies with REJECTION TEA.
GWEN, YOU FORGOT YOUR SUNGLASSES AND YOUR FLIPPIE-FLOPPIES!
Uhm. The rest of the episode is actually kind of really sad.
REGARD: POIGNANT SCENE OF JACK AND GWEN SITTING ON A CLIFF.
(This episode foreshadows COE in some rather significant ways, but y'all are here for Rewatch and not Intense Meta.)
Anyway, it ends with Gwen/Rhys cuddling, so I figure that's okay.
SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK FOR TORCHWOOD REWATCH: THE GOODBYE EDITION.