I am seeing my end and Im ready to go
With one in the chamber ready to blow
I look in the mirror and begin to cry
For I cant stand the sight of me
Completely broken with nothing left
And now I realize this will be my last breath

I stole this from my brother, but sometimes he puts my feelings into words better than I can.

All I want to do is hold on with everything that I have got left, yet I know all you need is for me to let go. Its so hard to let go because my feelings for you run so deeply through me. I've always meant it when I say now, forever, and always. No matter what happens there's a piece of my heart thats always going to belong to you. I remember the ( Read more... )

So much time I've wasted ( Read more... )

Side by side, dead and broken
Our hearts aren't the same since the night yours went stolen.
Blood ran black beneath the moonlight. Your lover's blood ran cold,
Cutting off the hands he used to hold.

So my weekend went great. I absolutely loved it up there. Its like a whole other world. We drank, talked some, cuddled, had sex like crazy, walked around the park, played cards, went for a drive around the area. It was just great. I can't wait to go back. It was so relaxing. But unfortunetly we had to come back to the real world and Russ had to go ( Read more... )

Okay, So Russell spent all of x-mas weekend here (after some bullshit on the 23, but we straightened that out), and the day after x-mas he asked me if he could come home. Of course I said yes. I'm hurt and angry but I love the boy with all I got. Things have been going pretty good, except...I'm having a hard time because he's still working at lowes ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines just watching the game. I go through the actions void of any realization of what I'm doing. I've hit rock bottom, its like I'm sitting here in survival mode, but thats not an adequate statement, survival mode would mean I was fighting like hell and I'm not. I've lost the will to fight, to try, to do anything ( Read more... )

So, yeah things are still really messed up between me and Russell. We're not together and we're free to do whatever pleases us, but us getting back together isn't a total out either. Kellyn had told me the other day that all I can do is live for right now, live for this moment. Those will be words that I carry with me for the rest of my life. She ( Read more... )

I'm falling apart. Everything is crumbling around me. I wish I could just go back in time and prevent this all from happening. I can't even remember how many times I started to dial and had to hang up. I never imagined this. I don't want to do this without him. He's being so much of man about it, I wish I could just act like a grown up too. This is ( Read more... )

Anyone out there see the the AAR video for dirty little secret, the card about "the one" yeah...I got that.
xoxo
lisa