Manhood?
Manhood?
It’s a novel feeling
When you realize you don’t know what’s going on with yourself
For the first time in years
You’ve known all your own foibles for so long
You’ve grown used to the constant self-analysis
And now it’s failed you
But maybe failed isn’t the right word
Because all you’ve done is surprise yourself
And that’s not really so bad
Is it?
It’s not that you reached down
And found the courage
You didn’t think you could
No, in the back of your mind
You always knew you could do that
What surprises you
Is that when that hidden reserve of bravery
Falls just short
You don’t feel the way you thought you would
What would have crushed you before
Leaves you now in an indescribable state
It’s not happiness but it’s not pain
It’s like you just accepted it
And you haven’t really been numbed
It just doesn’t cut quite as keen
And that’s not what you expected
You’ve been here before after all
And you had felt like you’d never recover
But something about this time just told you
“Enough self-pity,
Even though it’s all you are used to.
You have a life to lead,
And this is not the end,
It’s just the beginning.”
And so, you find yourself outside your old limits
And you it’s not like you don’t know what to do
You just don’t know how to feel
When the boyish worry and fear gives way
And suddenly you find you’ve become
The man you always thought you were