SATURDAY

[theposttragedy]

the weekend was here and they were gone, i wanted to see them so bad and i wanted to cancell all my plans and just spend all weekend thinking. i can't do that. i will go crazy. and i would not be with them all the time so i would have a lot of time to think. that wouldn't be good. So i decided to stick with the plan. I had a banquet for church friday which went oh so well. Then spent the night with my lovely kirby and that was good too. i got to rub her back so she would fall asleep..and it makes me go to sleep to. i think that's the only reason i went to bed. i woke up saturday and went home, well saw aubrey at the church for a second. I was suppose to go to matthews party at 3 and i didn't until like 5 so i didn't stay very long which sucked. It was still fun! and then ben's freaking awesome birthday party!! Though i was completely tired from actually sleeping..yeah doesn't make sense. Hanging out with everyone was fun. Jamie lee is very fun and she makes me laugh. andrew k was a good talker tonight. i had fun hanging out with him...we use to do that all the time. what happened?! Josh was josh tonight and he was good. DDR was fun watching and racing was fun. Driving off in travis reas shag-wagon was freakin scary but very intresting! Um..i felt bad for leaving Claire and josh and ben. But sorry. Then trying to chop my finger off and my hair off and other things off with the cigar cutter that bens dad had was fun. Nothing fasinating worked. The boys got to spend the night. isn't that lame? we should have too. :) that'd be freaking party mess. So i did have a good night. i wasn't okay but i had a good night. not mentioned events weren't too okay for me. even though they definitely should of been. They just weren't. Thinking is my worst habit.

Church tomorrow.
God let me really be there.
I need you so bad.
I need you for me.
For her.
For him.
For everything.
And thanks for this.
Why, i dunno.
But it's for something, right?.