Blah.
* A "good friend" of mine planted seeds of self doubt and resentment in my brain quite awhile back. Today those seeds sprouted into a sapling of torment. Managed to ebb my anger with music, cleaning, and cake baking.
* By six o'clock, I was feeling much chipper. Then Rob got home. I tried to give him a birthday hug and kiss. He turned his head away swiftly and pushed away from me. He was too hot. I tried not to take it personally, but it's hard not to when he basically does that everytime I try to show any affection. Sigh. We've never been a mushy lovey dovey couple and I've always appreciated that, but there is a fine line between not mushy and downright cold. It doesn't even make me sad anymore. Well, maybe it does. I try really hard to convince myself that it doesn't matter or bother me, but deep down I feel constantly rejected. I always thought that Anthony was WAY too mushy, too romantic, too clingy, too caring? I want a relationship that's a happy medium. I had the opportunity, but I let it slip away. I'm not sure if that is something I regret or not. Sometimes I can't help but wonder.
- ro
* By six o'clock, I was feeling much chipper. Then Rob got home. I tried to give him a birthday hug and kiss. He turned his head away swiftly and pushed away from me. He was too hot. I tried not to take it personally, but it's hard not to when he basically does that everytime I try to show any affection. Sigh. We've never been a mushy lovey dovey couple and I've always appreciated that, but there is a fine line between not mushy and downright cold. It doesn't even make me sad anymore. Well, maybe it does. I try really hard to convince myself that it doesn't matter or bother me, but deep down I feel constantly rejected. I always thought that Anthony was WAY too mushy, too romantic, too clingy, too caring? I want a relationship that's a happy medium. I had the opportunity, but I let it slip away. I'm not sure if that is something I regret or not. Sometimes I can't help but wonder.
- ro