Let your tears fall and touch my skin, then your thunderclouds could rage and wail..

[thepennylane]

it's funny how when you think a memory is almost completely faded, something occurs to color it in again. last night, carrie and i were meeting j and megan for dinner, but we had about an hour to kill before we were going to meet, so the two of us went to target. i was really excited about buying the john mayer dvd. really. excited. then, we were walking towards the check-out area when, for some unknown reason, i turned my head to look over my shoulder, and there stood paul. all of a sudden, it was last summer again. we were up on mill mountain.. then in his room.. then in his truck.. and I felt like i was going to throw up. all these memories started spinning in my mind. paul trying to finger me during american pie 2 with his cousin grinning beside him. paul telling me if i didn't give him head in the chick-fil-a bathroom, i'd have to pay for my own meal. paul leaving nasty messages on my voicemail when i was out with friends. i felt like i couldn't breathe. he grinned and started coming towards us, so we bolted through the aisles and up to the check-out. i thought i had avoided him. but, carrie turns around and he's still coming towards us with three of his friends.. so what do I do? do i pretend like he was a great boyfriend who didn't break up with me because i wouldn't fuck him? no. i tossed my dvd on the magazine rack, and we left. i felt so disappointed in myself for not talking to him and showing him how much better i am without him.. and for not buying the john mayer dvd.

sometimes, most of the time, i feel like i'm such a strong person. then things like that happen, and i'm that naive girl all over again.