My Aunt Catie
My Aunt Catie passed away today at 5:58pm. She died peacefully with her husband Glen and my mom by her side. Frank Sinatra's "My Way" was playing as she drifted off. That was one of Papa's (my grandfather) favorite songs and my aunt's favorite singers. Now I like to think that she has been reunited with her parents up in heaven. Probably dancing. Happy. Peaceful. Content.
She was so young. I think only 48 or 49. She was basically estranged from my immediate family from July 2008 until January 2013. That's when we found out she was sick and my mom first went to see her. I regret letting all those years go by. It wasn't my fight. It was my sister's and my mom's. I angry and hurt by association. This aunt of mine was so so callous toward those I loved the most, that I let myself just side with them.
But then she got sick and we found she's dying. When I saw her February, I went for my mom. I didn't think I needed to see her; I barely knew her. But looking back, I'm glad I did. She's my godmother. She's my aunt.
What gets me the most is that my mom lost her baby sister today. I can't even fathom losing one of my sisters. I don't know how you recover from that. I don't know that I could.
I'm freaking out. I can't stop crying. Previously when I've experienced death and loss, I wound up in therapy. That's not exactly an option right now, seeing as I have no insurance.
I'm rambling. I'm sad. I knew she was sick. I knew she dying. I knew it would probably happen today. But I still didn't think it could. It is so surreal.
My mom is...was...one of 8 kids. My mom is #2. Catie was #7. They'll never be all together again. I think the last time that my mom and her siblings were together was my uncle's wedding 13 years ago. That breaks my heart. It's just so unfair. My mom and her siblings lost their parents so early in life and now their sister. I just don't get it. What did they ever do to deserve this?
I can't stop crying. I want to be with my sisters right now. I want to hug them and hold on tight. The thought of ever losing them scares me so much.
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