(no subject)
I've been put into the friend box and I don't like it. I don't want to be here; I don't belong in this box. I will inevitabley stay in this box forever.
Here's the story. I joined OkCupid, talked to a few people and went on a few dates. Then B emailed me. We started emailing back and forth and it was delightful. Great, long, honest emails on the site. Then we transitioned to gmail. And exchanged numbers and texted at work. When we met in person, I was already feeling smitten. Cue life happening and me being super supportive new person in B's life. I thought things were headed in a great direction.
Then he says he wants to take things slow. It was a text message, and at first, i questioned him, then I agreed. But only because I was a little drunk and didn't need to have that conversation. But the next night he slept over (just making out, nothing else). So where is the slow in that? And the next night, a Monday mind you, he cooked me dinner and I stayed over. Well, almost stayed over. I don't share beds well with anyone, so I never sleep. It was 1am and I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep despite the calming music B played for me. So, I went home and fell asleep instantly.
On Wednesday night, we MET at frozen yogurt. Every other date, he's picked me up or I've driven to his house and we've gone together. This was different and I knew it. After we ate our fro yo, he said that we need to take things slow, that he's used to being friends first. So there we have it. I'm in the FRIEND BOX. I hate the friend box. I'm always in it. Guys I like keep me there because I'm a great friend. So unless the box is prepared to expand or be bust open, I'm stuck.
B and I went 8 days without seeing each other, where in the beginning, after our first date, we didn't last 24 hours. :( There was one day this week that we didn't talk or text, and that was the first time since the first email on March 4th. So yeah, I like this guy a lot. But I don't know how to scale back liking him to being friends with the possibility of something more. I don't do in between. I think I'm more "all or nothing." B and I went to the movies last night and that's all. The hug upon meeting there was awkward. The hug leaving was worse. I've kissed this guy. He slept over in my bed. And now it's like we've taken huge steps backwards. Lame. I'm frustrated because I don't want to scare him off, but I'm so good at faking contentment that I'm definitely lying to him. I'm not a liar. I'm actually a really honest person. But I'm also a people-pleaser, so if that means I suffer to please someone else, I do it. I don't like that I do it. I don't want to do it, but I do it. Always, always, always.
I had disabled my OkCupid account last week (before the "friend" talk at fro yo) because I thought things were headed in a great direction that I didn't need anymore. Welp, guess I was wrong. I logged back in today and browsed. Just before I disabled it, I had some messages that I wanted to respond to. Fine, B, you want me as a friend, I'll go back to talking to other people. Have you seen this ocean? There's plenty of fish in it. And they would be delighted to keep me out of a box.
Now, I'm not giving up on B. I do have feelings for this person. But if I sit by my phone and wait for him to text me or call me, I'm going to go crazy. And it's not like he even ever said we are dating. So, whatever. I'll talk to new people. Bring it on, world. Bring. It. On. I'm on Spring Break and I've got myself so free time.
Here's the story. I joined OkCupid, talked to a few people and went on a few dates. Then B emailed me. We started emailing back and forth and it was delightful. Great, long, honest emails on the site. Then we transitioned to gmail. And exchanged numbers and texted at work. When we met in person, I was already feeling smitten. Cue life happening and me being super supportive new person in B's life. I thought things were headed in a great direction.
Then he says he wants to take things slow. It was a text message, and at first, i questioned him, then I agreed. But only because I was a little drunk and didn't need to have that conversation. But the next night he slept over (just making out, nothing else). So where is the slow in that? And the next night, a Monday mind you, he cooked me dinner and I stayed over. Well, almost stayed over. I don't share beds well with anyone, so I never sleep. It was 1am and I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep despite the calming music B played for me. So, I went home and fell asleep instantly.
On Wednesday night, we MET at frozen yogurt. Every other date, he's picked me up or I've driven to his house and we've gone together. This was different and I knew it. After we ate our fro yo, he said that we need to take things slow, that he's used to being friends first. So there we have it. I'm in the FRIEND BOX. I hate the friend box. I'm always in it. Guys I like keep me there because I'm a great friend. So unless the box is prepared to expand or be bust open, I'm stuck.
B and I went 8 days without seeing each other, where in the beginning, after our first date, we didn't last 24 hours. :( There was one day this week that we didn't talk or text, and that was the first time since the first email on March 4th. So yeah, I like this guy a lot. But I don't know how to scale back liking him to being friends with the possibility of something more. I don't do in between. I think I'm more "all or nothing." B and I went to the movies last night and that's all. The hug upon meeting there was awkward. The hug leaving was worse. I've kissed this guy. He slept over in my bed. And now it's like we've taken huge steps backwards. Lame. I'm frustrated because I don't want to scare him off, but I'm so good at faking contentment that I'm definitely lying to him. I'm not a liar. I'm actually a really honest person. But I'm also a people-pleaser, so if that means I suffer to please someone else, I do it. I don't like that I do it. I don't want to do it, but I do it. Always, always, always.
I had disabled my OkCupid account last week (before the "friend" talk at fro yo) because I thought things were headed in a great direction that I didn't need anymore. Welp, guess I was wrong. I logged back in today and browsed. Just before I disabled it, I had some messages that I wanted to respond to. Fine, B, you want me as a friend, I'll go back to talking to other people. Have you seen this ocean? There's plenty of fish in it. And they would be delighted to keep me out of a box.
Now, I'm not giving up on B. I do have feelings for this person. But if I sit by my phone and wait for him to text me or call me, I'm going to go crazy. And it's not like he even ever said we are dating. So, whatever. I'll talk to new people. Bring it on, world. Bring. It. On. I'm on Spring Break and I've got myself so free time.