(no subject)
After reading through a lot of my entries, I think that I write here when I don't have someone to talk to.
I love San Diego: being an ACD in the Vistas is amazing and my Masters program is going well so far. But I don't have people I hang out with. I've always had a lot of friends, so many people to call up and hang out with. But I'm intimidated by the age difference here. So many people think I am much older than I actually am but I am fully aware that I am 21 (turning 22 in less than a month!) and that inhibits me. I feel so young, so innocent compared to everyone else. Let's face it: I'm lonely down here. I have family in the area, but that is not what I'm looking for. I guess I was expecting this to be like college all over again, with instant friends all over the place. It's so much harder when you don't actually live with people. I like the independence, the freedom, the quiet time. But I miss the energy and excitement and compromise that comes with a roommate. I want someone that I can turn to as I'm watching Michael Phelps win his 10th and 11th gold metals and break more of his own world records and say WOW. I don't want to have to call, I want someone to be here. Maybe I want someone else...not just a roommate. I was being interviewed last week for my Human Development class and it, once again, made me painfully aware that I have never been in a relationship. I say I've never had the time or haven't been ready...but I think I am really ready now. I want someone that will be there to love and support me...not out of familial obligation or friendship. Something more personal, more intimate.
I'm tired of talking to the whole world; I want to talk to a real person.