neutral
So the past few weeks I haven’t written here because I’ve been trying to record life in my own handwriting. It’s funny how the universe drives humans to do things. Here’s the latest run down with an added subject.
family
My family; Some of you are aware of the fact that after years of being independent, lively and unaccountable to anyone in a genealogical sense I now have a family. Sure, they’re not biological but they’re very familiar to me. We work, in the past, it just never worked. We’re one big gay family. Lacey, Gabrielle and Jay!! This weekend we went to pride in Charlotte. It was more than I expected but it was all good. I like being home; it’s where my heart is.
school
I sincerely wish that the university would allow one to take classes whenever the hell they wished. If there wasn’t a university calendar I could still take classes and take them whenever the hell I wanted to do so and I could graduate on time. I’d give anything to be bored in diction class surrounded by wonderfully artistic people. That was the greatest thing about music major world, the fact that whatever you did, wherever you looked, you could all call yourselves artists in the end. Some of you were particularly bad artists, but none the less, artists we are. It’s crazy that school starts in less than four weeks. I want this year to be as crazy, rewarding, adventurous, fun, surprising, ugly, and gut wrenching as the last one. I have a feeling this year is going to bring much needed newness to life.
boys
Well. Gabriel and I are officially no longer. I will maintain the fact that we love each other, in some weird sordid twisted way I still love him. I shouldn’t by all conventions. In some weird blackened chamber of my heart he holds, well I’m not sure what he holds but it’s damn sure something. I constantly feel ignored, misunderstood and retrograded around him but somehow I continue to care about him. Breakthrough: I think so. Last night he drunkenly told me that he wanted me to remain in his life. It brings me back to the moment when my aunt Dee told me that you can never get a drunken man to lie. It’s true to some degree but I’m not entirely sure that we’re not going to fade from each others lives. That’s what I’m good at and Gabriel is no exception. Good thing is that I’m not remaining stagnant. I’ve been on two dates and thanks be to God, I had sex. People, you know I’m not a slut. I’m the farthest thing from but every person needs some sort of sexual outlet. I think that a very integral part of any relationship is the sexual side. If there is none it sort of feels like a close friendship, and so it might have been. Either way, sex is a wonderful thing, not be abused but certainly not to be withheld.
friends
The saga continues. A new character named Emily has evolved. I met her through Gabriel but man, this chic is awesome. I really like her a lot. We’re buds already. Shandra is my love muffin forever! She got engaged!!! Yay!!! We’ve already looked at churches. The Empire Room is going to be the reception hall, and she’s been looking at dresses with Sarah. I’m so excited for her; I’m excited for the whole lot of them being married in 2010!
self
I’m such a changing organism. I was reminded yesterday of my high school years by a boy we’ll call Pax. I’ve grown up. It’s such a good feeling to know that I used to do this and do that for no good reasons. I’m still changing, I was thinking this morning about how I’m becoming more in touch with the environment and with myself in regards to others. I’m becoming more of a damn hippie. I’m not sure how I feel about that but it’s definitely not something that I goaled. It’s my friends fault, I’m by no means becoming a very different person but it’s the subtle changes that I’ve noticed more. I like thinking, it’s so inspiring to think but now I have to go and eat, so it’s off to Sushi 101 for lunch with my moms.
-Jay
family
My family; Some of you are aware of the fact that after years of being independent, lively and unaccountable to anyone in a genealogical sense I now have a family. Sure, they’re not biological but they’re very familiar to me. We work, in the past, it just never worked. We’re one big gay family. Lacey, Gabrielle and Jay!! This weekend we went to pride in Charlotte. It was more than I expected but it was all good. I like being home; it’s where my heart is.
school
I sincerely wish that the university would allow one to take classes whenever the hell they wished. If there wasn’t a university calendar I could still take classes and take them whenever the hell I wanted to do so and I could graduate on time. I’d give anything to be bored in diction class surrounded by wonderfully artistic people. That was the greatest thing about music major world, the fact that whatever you did, wherever you looked, you could all call yourselves artists in the end. Some of you were particularly bad artists, but none the less, artists we are. It’s crazy that school starts in less than four weeks. I want this year to be as crazy, rewarding, adventurous, fun, surprising, ugly, and gut wrenching as the last one. I have a feeling this year is going to bring much needed newness to life.
boys
Well. Gabriel and I are officially no longer. I will maintain the fact that we love each other, in some weird sordid twisted way I still love him. I shouldn’t by all conventions. In some weird blackened chamber of my heart he holds, well I’m not sure what he holds but it’s damn sure something. I constantly feel ignored, misunderstood and retrograded around him but somehow I continue to care about him. Breakthrough: I think so. Last night he drunkenly told me that he wanted me to remain in his life. It brings me back to the moment when my aunt Dee told me that you can never get a drunken man to lie. It’s true to some degree but I’m not entirely sure that we’re not going to fade from each others lives. That’s what I’m good at and Gabriel is no exception. Good thing is that I’m not remaining stagnant. I’ve been on two dates and thanks be to God, I had sex. People, you know I’m not a slut. I’m the farthest thing from but every person needs some sort of sexual outlet. I think that a very integral part of any relationship is the sexual side. If there is none it sort of feels like a close friendship, and so it might have been. Either way, sex is a wonderful thing, not be abused but certainly not to be withheld.
friends
The saga continues. A new character named Emily has evolved. I met her through Gabriel but man, this chic is awesome. I really like her a lot. We’re buds already. Shandra is my love muffin forever! She got engaged!!! Yay!!! We’ve already looked at churches. The Empire Room is going to be the reception hall, and she’s been looking at dresses with Sarah. I’m so excited for her; I’m excited for the whole lot of them being married in 2010!
self
I’m such a changing organism. I was reminded yesterday of my high school years by a boy we’ll call Pax. I’ve grown up. It’s such a good feeling to know that I used to do this and do that for no good reasons. I’m still changing, I was thinking this morning about how I’m becoming more in touch with the environment and with myself in regards to others. I’m becoming more of a damn hippie. I’m not sure how I feel about that but it’s definitely not something that I goaled. It’s my friends fault, I’m by no means becoming a very different person but it’s the subtle changes that I’ve noticed more. I like thinking, it’s so inspiring to think but now I have to go and eat, so it’s off to Sushi 101 for lunch with my moms.
-Jay