Fat
Feeling a little blue tonight. It's trivia night and I can't go. I have to stay off my feet. So, I've been isolated for a solid week. The last I saw of any friends was last Sunday. Suddenly a week goes by and I'm really, really down.
I'm not angry at people for not coming over. People have lives. I just wish they didn't and could come visit and bring me Diet Snapple.
I also wish my depression wasn't settling in today. I'm feeling remarkably unlovable because of my weight. I'm trying to grow some confidence, and have a little, but there are still not a whole lot of people that will date someone my size, even chubby chasers are looking for people smaller than me. Add this to that awful show coming out on TLC and I'm spiraling in for a bit.
I really need to heal up and get out of this house. I want to ask someone out and have the interest returned. I have crushes right now, but they're just not going to go for someone like me at this size. The fact is that I DO have to hate myself a bit and lose more weight so I can be loved. Love isn't coming to a person my size. It just isn't.
Despite what I have to offer. I mean, I'm smart. I'm funny. I think about others. I don't drink. I'm a decent catch, dammit! ...but the fact remains that I am in the upper one percent of BMI. I'm just not a prospect for dating, so I keep my mouth shut because the depression is better than the outright rejection, even in its most gentle forms.
Anyway, I'm hoping that in a few months, I'll get back in the gym and lose more weight, though I doubt I'll ever really be at an acceptable weight for most women.
Blarg...
I'm not angry at people for not coming over. People have lives. I just wish they didn't and could come visit and bring me Diet Snapple.
I also wish my depression wasn't settling in today. I'm feeling remarkably unlovable because of my weight. I'm trying to grow some confidence, and have a little, but there are still not a whole lot of people that will date someone my size, even chubby chasers are looking for people smaller than me. Add this to that awful show coming out on TLC and I'm spiraling in for a bit.
I really need to heal up and get out of this house. I want to ask someone out and have the interest returned. I have crushes right now, but they're just not going to go for someone like me at this size. The fact is that I DO have to hate myself a bit and lose more weight so I can be loved. Love isn't coming to a person my size. It just isn't.
Despite what I have to offer. I mean, I'm smart. I'm funny. I think about others. I don't drink. I'm a decent catch, dammit! ...but the fact remains that I am in the upper one percent of BMI. I'm just not a prospect for dating, so I keep my mouth shut because the depression is better than the outright rejection, even in its most gentle forms.
Anyway, I'm hoping that in a few months, I'll get back in the gym and lose more weight, though I doubt I'll ever really be at an acceptable weight for most women.
Blarg...