I Feel Weepy
And helpless and useless.
I wanted the natural birth so badly. I really did and still do.
I wanted to go into it all on my own, to feel the progression of contractions and just...everything. I feel like my body has failed me.
I have four days left...that magical number that everyone keeps talking about where I'll hit 42 weeks and suddenly, it's all or nothing. I don't want the Pitocin, I don't want them to manually control how my body is going to work...I want to do it all. But after 42 weeks, your baby's health is in "danger" and you go to "high risk."
I'm so scared...
I am scared of how hard these contractions are and I'm scared that I can't do it. I don't want to fail at this. I wish I could push my self-esteem and confidence back up to where it was a month ago. I'm slowly but surely starting to doubt myself...and I can all ready tell if I cave for the epidural I'm going to feel like a failure.
It's really okay to come out now, Korben. We all love you. :(
I wanted the natural birth so badly. I really did and still do.
I wanted to go into it all on my own, to feel the progression of contractions and just...everything. I feel like my body has failed me.
I have four days left...that magical number that everyone keeps talking about where I'll hit 42 weeks and suddenly, it's all or nothing. I don't want the Pitocin, I don't want them to manually control how my body is going to work...I want to do it all. But after 42 weeks, your baby's health is in "danger" and you go to "high risk."
I'm so scared...
I am scared of how hard these contractions are and I'm scared that I can't do it. I don't want to fail at this. I wish I could push my self-esteem and confidence back up to where it was a month ago. I'm slowly but surely starting to doubt myself...and I can all ready tell if I cave for the epidural I'm going to feel like a failure.
It's really okay to come out now, Korben. We all love you. :(