"Bloody hell, we're all tired. Some of us continue to make an effort."
Thanks for your letter, which arrived today. I am sorry to read you have fallen in with such a crowd of junkies, degenerates and sex fiends, but that's student life, I suppose. All cossetted within the cucoon of ensuite accommodation and a huge kitchen paid for, no doubt, by the long-suffering tax payer. Bloody students. Your mother and I are toiling 17 hours a day to keep you in your lavish luxury. I think I'm going to have to take an evening job at the Two Pigs just to keep afloat. But don't worry about me - you carry on having a good time, with your drinking, carousing and bloody political philosophy. Before I know it, it will be drugs and existentialism!
...
I will certainly pass on your solicitations to your grandparents. They remain as well as can be expected and this week it is their birthdays. I have attached the two photos of your arrival at Lancaster that are doing the rounds here. Everyone's thinking about you and wishing you well. Mum and me both miss you lots, but don't worry - she's started on your room! By the time you get back there wil be six Vietnamese orphans in residence. Or three drunken Irishmen if you come back in Race Week.
I love my dad so bloody much. That is all.
(There's more which I found a lot funnier, but it's all in-jokes that precisely no one would get.)
Oh, God. So much is happening in Cheltenham at the moment and I'm not there. Steven Moffat. Mitchell and Webb. The Hamster. James Moran, for God's sake! It costs far too much to go back and visit, but...gah. It's annoying. Just a tad.
Also, I appear to have been tweeted by Caitlin Moran. Cue girlish giggling, even if I'm not entirely sure if she was being sarcastic or not. If not, she loves my hair! Hurrah!
...I'll stop rambling now.
...
I will certainly pass on your solicitations to your grandparents. They remain as well as can be expected and this week it is their birthdays. I have attached the two photos of your arrival at Lancaster that are doing the rounds here. Everyone's thinking about you and wishing you well. Mum and me both miss you lots, but don't worry - she's started on your room! By the time you get back there wil be six Vietnamese orphans in residence. Or three drunken Irishmen if you come back in Race Week.
I love my dad so bloody much. That is all.
(There's more which I found a lot funnier, but it's all in-jokes that precisely no one would get.)
Oh, God. So much is happening in Cheltenham at the moment and I'm not there. Steven Moffat. Mitchell and Webb. The Hamster. James Moran, for God's sake! It costs far too much to go back and visit, but...gah. It's annoying. Just a tad.
Also, I appear to have been tweeted by Caitlin Moran. Cue girlish giggling, even if I'm not entirely sure if she was being sarcastic or not. If not, she loves my hair! Hurrah!
...I'll stop rambling now.