Argh.
Oh, God. Am I a wreck.
I'm crying incredibly hard as I write this, and I can't put my finger on why. Unless I spread my fingers until my entire hand is just clutching everything that's happened in Torchwood over the past few days.
Ianto. I never, ever thought I would react like this to his death, and my reaction is utterly ridiculous; he is fictional. He has no consequence and isn't real. As well as that, I could guess (along with a number of other people, I'm sure), that he would die by the end of series three (although, I thought it would be a tad later). It wasn't completely unexpected, completely a shock.
And yet, I'm still mourning him as if he were real, and I can't get over myself for that. I've cried so many times since the moment that he died, on and off and in the middle of night whilst getting virtually no sleep. I fell in love with both the character, and the perception of the character within fandom (and, yes, his relationship with Jack), so much, that it still hurts that he's dead. No more Ianto, on screen, anyway.
It's Ianto, and it's the fact that it's disbanded, it's done. The way that Day Five panned out, and ended, was a definite "finale"; the doors closed, Jack gone, the team disbanded, it's done. It doesn't seem, with the circumstances, implicit of another series.
And I have to say, I am not ungrateful. Russell T Davies is not pissing on anyone, nor is he falsely leading people around, nor fobbing them off. I always suspected this would be the last series, and it seems like it is. I'm not angry at anyone, because it has to end sometime; I'm just feeling terrible and snotty and crying on behalf of myself, and everything I'm going to miss about this side of fandom. Of course, we still have fic, and icons, and all this creativity and friendship bubbling up into what makes fandom brilliant, but it's the fact that the show is over that has be blubbing. Everything I've loved about seeing Torchwood on screen has moved on (it seems, anyway), and I can't describe how much I'll miss it, and everything leading up to it; the spoilers, the excitement, the speculation.
Jack is gone; everything has come full circle and he is left with the consequences of his actions; Steven, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Suzie, as he says. It was incredibly poignant to mention Owen, Tosh and Suzie, as well; Jack embodies the phrase each man kills the things he loves, and his departure marks a closure. He's coming back to Doctor Who, we know (well, some do; there are pictures out there!), but...gagh.
This isn't coherent, and this isn't logical. I think I'm already mourning the loss of a show that I fell head-over-heels in love with two and a half years ago, which seems to have drawn to a close. I don't want to sound embittered, like so many others feel, because I'm not. It was thrilling and gripping and emotional and beautiful in parts, and I loved Children of Earth tremendously (even if it's had me crying more than I usually do in a month), but the awful finality of it all is sinking in and I'm not angry, just incredibly sad that we won't get anymore. Anymore that we know of, anyway.
Oh God, Ianto. Every time I think about his death it's like a punch in the gut; I don't understand it. I never considered myself to be that devoted, that obsessed, and yet I am.
I have to sign off before this post gets any more rambly. Basically...oh God. Torchwood, I love with all my heart, and because it looks like this is the last; I'll miss you.
I will properly review the series; just give me a bit of time.
I'm crying incredibly hard as I write this, and I can't put my finger on why. Unless I spread my fingers until my entire hand is just clutching everything that's happened in Torchwood over the past few days.
Ianto. I never, ever thought I would react like this to his death, and my reaction is utterly ridiculous; he is fictional. He has no consequence and isn't real. As well as that, I could guess (along with a number of other people, I'm sure), that he would die by the end of series three (although, I thought it would be a tad later). It wasn't completely unexpected, completely a shock.
And yet, I'm still mourning him as if he were real, and I can't get over myself for that. I've cried so many times since the moment that he died, on and off and in the middle of night whilst getting virtually no sleep. I fell in love with both the character, and the perception of the character within fandom (and, yes, his relationship with Jack), so much, that it still hurts that he's dead. No more Ianto, on screen, anyway.
It's Ianto, and it's the fact that it's disbanded, it's done. The way that Day Five panned out, and ended, was a definite "finale"; the doors closed, Jack gone, the team disbanded, it's done. It doesn't seem, with the circumstances, implicit of another series.
And I have to say, I am not ungrateful. Russell T Davies is not pissing on anyone, nor is he falsely leading people around, nor fobbing them off. I always suspected this would be the last series, and it seems like it is. I'm not angry at anyone, because it has to end sometime; I'm just feeling terrible and snotty and crying on behalf of myself, and everything I'm going to miss about this side of fandom. Of course, we still have fic, and icons, and all this creativity and friendship bubbling up into what makes fandom brilliant, but it's the fact that the show is over that has be blubbing. Everything I've loved about seeing Torchwood on screen has moved on (it seems, anyway), and I can't describe how much I'll miss it, and everything leading up to it; the spoilers, the excitement, the speculation.
Jack is gone; everything has come full circle and he is left with the consequences of his actions; Steven, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Suzie, as he says. It was incredibly poignant to mention Owen, Tosh and Suzie, as well; Jack embodies the phrase each man kills the things he loves, and his departure marks a closure. He's coming back to Doctor Who, we know (well, some do; there are pictures out there!), but...gagh.
This isn't coherent, and this isn't logical. I think I'm already mourning the loss of a show that I fell head-over-heels in love with two and a half years ago, which seems to have drawn to a close. I don't want to sound embittered, like so many others feel, because I'm not. It was thrilling and gripping and emotional and beautiful in parts, and I loved Children of Earth tremendously (even if it's had me crying more than I usually do in a month), but the awful finality of it all is sinking in and I'm not angry, just incredibly sad that we won't get anymore. Anymore that we know of, anyway.
Oh God, Ianto. Every time I think about his death it's like a punch in the gut; I don't understand it. I never considered myself to be that devoted, that obsessed, and yet I am.
I have to sign off before this post gets any more rambly. Basically...oh God. Torchwood, I love with all my heart, and because it looks like this is the last; I'll miss you.
I will properly review the series; just give me a bit of time.